thirteen soia 4/17/95 [2 months before my dad died] pleading to insanity for my mind is not real wanting what the others have such a shame I cannot steal person in hell reaching for heaven I really wish thst I could leave but yet I know I am the fallen just because I can't believe wanting to share no one likes my hatred my personage bare nothing I hold sacred [it feels so trite and forcibly rhymed, the kind of thing you would expect from a 13 year old who can't write poetry to this day, and yet it holds a place in my heart. it flows in my brain, following the contour as if it's been thru there a million times before.] 010125 ... birdmad admirable in its honesty my mother died the same year 010125 ... nr this song is too good to still be attached to old associations 200419 ... nr it's time to be outlaws for other love or no love at all 200419 ... xelda I'd take you for a walk on the beach, under the pier, onto the cliffs. I'd show you to your safe space. I'd listen, and listen, and listen. I'd help you understand that everything you are feeling is completely normal, and that your feelings will arise and pass, if you learn how to let them. I'd teach you how to practice self-compassion and rewrite the mean voice in your head. We'd practice using our breath and roll our toes around in the sand. I'd be tempted to warn you against doing dumb stuff, but I'd resist. Maybe I'd talk to you about the wonders of therapy and how to convince your mom to get you some. I'd give you a hug if you'd let me. And then we'd walk back, and you'd feel lighter, all your heavy thoughts evaporated into the clouds. 211130 what's it to you? who go blather from