junior alice i am a junior, it sux, i wish i was a senior, or maybe even out of school would be nice, but i know 'these are the best years of my life' or whatever, it sucks ass ne way 020403 ... kerry last night at 10:30 went to audrey's, she and jackie and audrey's boyfriend were all playing a game of Risk, and he was beating them horribly, jackie was playing with two lighters and audrey was getting people pizza and water. he finally left after hiding from her mother in the closet when she came knocking on the door at 1:30, saying, "his parents will want him to go home," "mom he's gone already," "but-" "mom go away" then 2 a.m. we are wandering around looking for good movies to watch and audrey says "why dont we go rent one? maybe they are still open" so we get in the car making so much noise and we drive down to the little independently-owned place she rents from but they've been closed, for a couple hours. and the only other place around that's open is Walgreen's. so we go home and watch old home videos her sister made when she was a freshman and we put in a video we found in her house that is labeled "my stepmother is an alien" but there's nothing on the tape. at 3ish jackie gets the bed and falls right to sleep and audrey and i are on foam mattresses on the floor. Beck is on the stereo and it's burning up but the mattress is cool because lying on it makes a little hole for my hipbone to fit into, that i can feel when i turn over. this morning we got up and watched Requiem for a Dream which was wonderful and eerie (sp?) and then because audrey didn't have a car to drive, we got a ride to IHOP where they ate a paradise pancake combo and i had chocolate chip pancakes, it's sad how this is supposed to be the most wonderful time of our lives and we don't get to do fun things like this on a regular basis, i have things do to, for the first time this summer. it's a sad feeling. 030608 ... raze there have been times when i've called myself this to make it easier for someone else to make a place for me inside the mess of their mind, when i should be telling them what i am and leaving them to sort it out without a map that isn't honest. the j in my name comes first. not at the end of everything. 240520 what's it to you? who go blather from