whoever insouciant Remember that time, I was crying because a fog of loneliness obscured all of my senses in the middle of the night, and I called you. I said I couldn’t feel love anymore but I didn’t want to be alone and I didn’t want to be here. You said you would come with me and we drove in any direction, finally sleeping at whatever hotel was nearest when we stopped? How about that time we played through the end of Final Fantasy together, and just held each other through the bittersweet end. You fell asleep in my arms and I watched the stars out the window wondering if there was anything more perfect in the world than feeling your shallow mid-sleep breathing on my chest. Your fingers twitching slightly as the rested across my stomach. There was the year when you told me after your birthday that no one has ever baked a cake just for you, so I made two cupcakes from scratch, decorated them as best I could with rainbow sprinkles. I put a candle in yours and lit it. I watched the tears well in your eyes before you blew it out, and we sat next to each other on the porch and silently watched the afternoon turn to dusk. Bats came out, and you pointed out each one joyfully exclaiming “And another one!” One warm summer day I couldn’t see the point of continuing to try, continuing to work for the sake of money, couldn’t see a reason to keep making art on the side that no one appreciates, writing words that never get published, and trying to learn another instrument to play songs no one would hear. You told me to get in the car, and you drove me to the beach. We walked up to the vast expanse and let the water hit out bare feet. As we stood fully clothes you lightly leaned into me, sweetly. Then without warning you used all of your bodyweight to try to knock me down into the water. You got me, and then tried to run away. We ate fastfood in your car while being soaked. It was another hour before we could take them off and rinse our bodies of the miserable stickiness of dried salt. There were the hours where you had only the energy to lay in bed. I watched your eyes as they stared blankly at the wall. I sat on the floor, wondering where you were as you drifted in and out of sleep. Your focus never on anything, your hands not responding to my touch. I stayed until, eventually, it passed. The shroud began to lift and you eventually got up, very slowly. Once you returned enough, we hugged, and i could feel every wisp of your being as tears welled up and began to drop onto my shoulder. If you do remember, whoever you are, I’ll be here 220813 what's it to you? who go blather from