best_friend soia "every one wants to be their own damn best friend" over the course of this day, I have discovered that there is nothing wrong with that if you depend on other people to make you feel better about who you are, it's self defeating, because you'll never really believe them until you can see why they think you're so great and you are great, just as I am great I won't fear for people thinking that I sound like a bad self help novel, because I know that those people are really just afraid of the seeming impossibility of loving one's self I knew a guy who loved himself dearly, and it always intimidated me I felt that I could never keep up with him, and never be of any use to him in a way, I was right, because you can't love anyone until you love yourself (he told me this many a time, but I honestly never believed it a bit there's really nothing fun about hating your self, or your life, or those around you (the three are inherently linked)- it just becomes routine you get caught up in a web of judgement: "I don't like me, so they must not like me, so I don't like them" until you think you feel safe, but really you're enveloped in fear I go thru amazingly painful self consciousness every day "what will people think if they see me carrying this?" "what will people think about my shoes" and it just as often turns into "nice sorority sweatshirt, I'm sure you're really intelligent and independent minded" "I'm sure the fact that that styrofoam cup will be in a landfill way past your life time is too petty of a concern compared to the cute guy at safeway" I've tried to fight through this several times in my life, always attempting to shut out the negativity while deeming the negativity I shine upon myself to be permanent I don't want to go on being so unhappy, and making others unhappy so I'm not afraid what you'll think of me being my new best friend 010302 ... silentbob im independent im self reliant on my own amusement but i say danny is my best friend, because as far as independence go, it's no fun quoting a movie by yourself. 010303 ... birdmad bleeding me 010303 ... johnny west I got a new one - it's this green gargle shit. Numbs the tongue and the throat! What more do you need? 010607 ... rehab and it don't matter and i don't care 010607 ... Aimee I missed my best friends graduation yesterday. i feel terrible about it, but she missed mine last weekend. Who knows. I still feel terrible 010608 ... kendera my friend lost her best friend when her best friend was killed in an avalanche. i lost my best friend. i didn't tell her how much i loved her. she moved away, i feel as if she is dead too. 010608 ... inferiority_complex he gives me all i need from humanity its funny that sex never existed between us without him i would be lost thanks 010608 ... shiver from the moment i wake to the moment i sleep ... 010609 what's it to you? who go blather from