teaching tender_square i went into the first class expecting an overview of tools and techniques. i envisioned us wetting our various paintbrushes and talking about the effects dilution had on colour and the buckling of paper, which tips were the best for hard lines and blurred edges. i didn't know what a round brush was. i didn't know what the instructor meant when she asked me to draw bubbles around my bubbles to layer the paint, i had to see it visually. i make decisions about what we do the day of, she said. watercolour is about letting go of control and seeing what happens, she added. and amanda and i looked at one another like oh great, you're asking two control freaks to surrender themselves to an unknown process and unconfirmed agenda. but we did. and it was meditative, at least for me, to let go of rigidity and objectives that i often build my life around. do you teach, one of the other women asked me upon learning that i was a writer. i had to in my mfa, i said, but it's too much emotional labour so i don't do it now. everyone sighed in acknowledgment. days later, i find myself returning to terrain i thought i had left behind. what if i taught at a community level? it's easier than dealing with colleges and curriculums. it could be loosely structured and fun. i have more experience than i realize. and i don't have to set such high expectations of myself as a teacher as i did before. 230113 what's it to you? who go blather from