gossip belly fire I ate up every clue like morsels. Really, there was no story, no great upset. It was merely an understanding and I had no need to know any of it. I felt like such an idiot yesterday for wanting so much to know something so trivial. I caught myself doing it again today. 040820 ... uow sog sip go piss pig sos pog sis 040821 ... estarocks never_listen 040821 ... kerry dad and i regularly complain and gossip about our family members. I think we turn to each other because we almost always agree. -be glad you didn’t go to grandpa’s funeral… it was a total shitshow. -what do you give a person who already has everything? -i’ll never call her my "auntie" no matter what she says! -what i dread most is the prayer circle, D making himself cry from his own piety, “support the troops,” blah blah blah… -i have to be honest–it’s getting to me how he comes over and the two of them go hide out in the garage and smoke weed off and on all night. -well, you know how i’ve always felt about julian. -they’ve started hanging out at the senior center! they spend all their time playing bridge and pickleball. whatever makes you happy, i guess. the last time we spoke i reassured him overall i’d had a happy childhood. he sounded relieved, even small, this short wiry man who was always a giant to me. -i always thought peter was a happy-go-lucky kid, but now i’ve wondered if there’s been a kind sadness that i just didn’t notice. -you know, the only time i saw him cry–like really cry–was at the dinner table. we were both still in high school. it was about playing violin, deciding he was good but not “good enough.” seemed it was a rupture to his sense of self. he broke down and ran from the room. -wow, i don’t remember that at all. -i’ve never been able to describe him. he’s vague in a way, and so cerebral… do you ever think about how siblings can grow up in the same household and have two totally different childhoods, different parents even? -maybe. not really. -did you ever feel like that with terry and lyle? he didn’t answer that question. -so how are the pipes? still frozen? 220124 ... kerry [kind OF sadness. damn those typos!] 220124 what's it to you? who go blather from