sadness soia I feel this black cloud settling around my head and shoulders. I put on the songs that make me cry. There's no reason that I know of. What this means: no pills, no cure, experiment failed. Congradulations self, you brought about the first tears. 010220 ... soia welcome again, neil young 010220 ... soia I had no idea how much sadder I was going to be a couple of days later. Crying so much I couldn't breathe. And while that was happening I had no idea I was going to be so happy a couple of days later. Up and down and up and down but the oscillations are dampening. "so let the sadness come again wouldn't want to remain a friend" 010607 ... dB "Here's a truck stop instead of St Peters." There is never any real consolation, just a poor imitation. 010609 ... subliminal pyromaniac i got the devil in me. 020204 ... Sonya We let this feeling prevail from time to time. We allow this feeling to conquer our realms of happiness, eating away at the once sturdy walls of defense. At times we bottle this up and let it fester into a seething anger that becomes so lethal we can shatter hearts, minds, and even dreams. We push people away and expect them to remain close. We push and cut and wound and scathe...only to beg those we hurt to remain close to us when we need someone to talk to. This feeling is one that needs to be washed away down the drain, not embraced. And yet, a lot of us hold on to such misery. We are unable to forgive the wrongs that have been done to us. We become bitter and angry as time passes. This anger can remain dormant until provoked, but when it is...it may not be easily quelled. All the horrible deeds that have been done to us intentionally, and cruelly come to mind. Everytime something happens, or our feelings are hurt, even if by someone who genuinely loves us and didn't WANT to hurt us....everytime this happens we come to remember all the betrayals that were thrown at us intentionally. We place past blames on people who may not know what they are doing when they make us sad. We embrace our subsequent anger and bitterness. We are unwilling to forgive. To think that this all started with a state of sadness is frightening, but more often than not it's true. Those who cannot easily forgive will most likely find it hard to be forgiven when the time comes when they eventually make a mistake - intentional or not. Those who allow their sadness to control their lives, who allowed themselves to push people away in their misery will find themselves alone - not just temporarily but for good. Sadness isn't just a small problem. It's quite serious and when dealt with, can be alleviated for a long time to come. It's human nature however, to not want to deal with the hassles of helping another - especially someone we've come to expect to be perfect and radiant at all times. The sadness shall prevail if one doesn't realize this quickly. 020609 ... i need to breathe . 040514 ... me for you. I wish I could reach you. We're scared. Scarred. In both ways. I am. Maybe you? I wish I could know you for a day. 040615 ... notme ache. 040616 ... misstree a high-pitched whine i can't shake clear, only sometimes forget, drown out, until a moment's silence sends nerves singing misstruck note echoing soft and shrill through hollow halls. 061105 ... no reason half-price martinis and other distractions may have quelled it slightly but it's there it's dull but it's there i need something, a something, some kind of something(s) and sometimes i wonder why it's hard 090808 ... no reason sometimes i don't wonder i don't like writing like this 090808 ... no reason perhaps the influence of alcohol is an influence 090808 ... no reason loneliness inadequacy loss 100225 ... nr i realized this isn't an emotion i feel often. negative emotions i'm more likely to are feel loneliness, or depression, or just being generally upset (which can all be tied in with sadness but aren't quite the same). but i feel it now. there's a kind of simplicity and clarity in it that's comforting. i feel like i know more now what kurt cobain was talking about. 150106 ... nr odd. i don't remember blathering here before. maybe there's a kind of sadness that isn't involved with any of the above emotions that is new(ish) to me. 150106 ... nr likely not the kind kurt_cobain missed the comfort in 230715 what's it to you? who go blather from