ask_startfires silentbob Erin How do i get girls to notice me? . 001030 ... startfires thats a hard question i dont really understand girls. all complicated and bird-ish... what gets my attention is a guy wearing a toga. yeeow. you could also try throwing rocks at them. thats how i met my first boyfriend. 001031 ... silentbob thanks :) i will be sure to try that. Next question: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be inside an orgasm? 001101 ... Barrett I've been inside a number of them. mmmmmmmmm, orgasms. 001101 ... startfires bob no i have not ever wondered that but now that i am wondering, i bet it would feel a little bit like you were dying happily in a sauna. barrett i belive you. 001103 ... silentbob erin if life were the movie mallrats, what character , male or female, would you be and why. if youve never seen mallrats, pick another movie and that will work fine. 001103 ... sallymanda dear startfries do you like to eat crab rangoon? if so, where is the best place to eat them? 001103 ... sallymanda um also do you have any socks i can borrow? mine are all diretye. 001103 ... startfires bob i have seen the movie but its been a long time. so i just plain don't know. i don't think i've ever seen a movie with a person who really reminded me of me. except maybe that creepy talented mr. ripley. i was disgusted to feel likened to him. 001103 ... startfires sallymanda yes i love crab ragoon! i will eat it in a house, with a mouse, on a boat, with a goat, in a box, with a fox, etc. 001103 ... startfires and no i have no socks for you to borrow, mine are all dirty too. i will be sockless to morrow. actually i have one clean sock, so if you were just going to make a puppet show/ soliloquy then i think i could help you out. 001103 ... god in mexico startfires- hey! this is god. i am currently in cancun, mexico taking a little r&r. things are peachy... however... i was wondering if you knew any simple spanish phrases like "where's mcdonald's" or anything like that. i'm having trouble picking up on spanish. (really, all we speak where i come from is chinese, so you can imagine what kind of difficulty i'm having). any input at all would be rewarded handsomely. thanx tons, god 001103 ... silentbob erin you are lost on an island with nothing but a sexy bikini, and a cd player and 5 cds. Which cds would they be? 001103 ... Barrett and can I be one of the cds? 001103 ... startfires god... sorry about the confusing languages down here. i think it has something to do with that whole tower of babel thing. here's some helpful hints... where is mcdonalds?=donde esta mc donalds? my head hurts. do you have tylenol?=me duele mi cabesa. tienes tylenol? where is the library?=donde esta el biblioteca? where are all of the beautiful ladies?=donde estan todos las chicas bonitas? important words: banyo=bathroom agua=water lo siento=im sorry te amo=i love you cucaracha=cockroach cervesa=beer i think this is an ample guide for a week in cancun. 001105 ... startfires bob i dont know if i can answer such a question. i have thought about it long and hard and this is the tentative list: the best of blondie the best of ella fitzgerald boy sets fire - the day the sun went out oh man only two more, i better make em good. you didnt specify how long i was going to have to be on this island. that might be important. um, the dead milkmen - big lizard in my backyard and barrett. he will be my favorite choice. 001105 ... silentbob erin if you were Tim Curry what do you think your favorite movie of your own would be? I think mine would be The Worst Witch starring Me and Fairuza Balk. sometimes i miss the 80s 001105 ... startfires wasnt he the freaky ass clown in It? if so that would be my favorite. if not i would have to say that he must have had the most fun with rocky horror picture show. im just a sweet transvestite from transsexual translyvannia. ha ah. 001106 ... Barrett alone 2:00 a.m. 65 degrees middle of forest bottle of merlot bonfire Billie Holiday on the stereo (playing softly) starry sky with real country dark good? 001106 ... silentbob erin if i were a condement such as ketchup or salt, what would i be and what would you use me on? 001109 ... Barrett Are you now, or have you ever experienced pyromaniac tendencies? If so, aren't they cool? 001110 ... gigolo aunt hello startfires! please tell me where my real mom lives. she's got all my stryper albums. thanx for help 001110 ... startfires bob, if you were a condiment you would be taco bell fire sauce and i would put you on everyting because your so hot. 001112 ... startfires barrett, i have no idea what you could be alluding to. no one knows who started that fire in my neighbor's car. i was at a friends house. are you accusing me? 001112 ... startfires gigolo aunt, i dont know where your mom is. i don't even know where my wallet is. im sorry. 001112 ... startfires know that it would be untrue know that i would be a liar if i was to say to you i didnt set your house on fire if you love someone you better set them on fire 001112 ... silentbob Erin if i set you on fire would you get mixed messages? 001112 ... startfires i would understand. 001113 ... silentbob OH JOY! ok hmmm... next question... What if i changed my name to CRAZYASFUCKbob and always said mean things to people. would you miss me? 001114 ... startfires i wouldnt miss you because i would know it was you because your brilliant personality would shine through all the name calling and profanity. 001114 ... Barrett Auto-erotica. Is there such thing as too much? 001114 ... Barrett Can I get you a beer and a hug? 001115 ... silentbob if the moon were made of green cheese would ya eat it? 001115 ... ass facely where's the nearest phone booth? i'm at the corner of st. eddie's lane and bundt street. 001115 ... startfires barrett if we are talking "auto"-auto erotica, it is very possible to have too much of a good thing. if it's during the day and you pass by a semi truck driver and he see's you, he will honk and wave and not leave you alone for the rest of the drive. trust me. and yes. i would love many beers and many bearr hugs from you. 001116 ... startfires bob i dont really know if i like green cheese. i've never eaten it before. so i don't know if it would really merit the time, energy, and finances it would require to go to the moon of green cheese and eat it. maybe you could have them send me some free samples. 001116 ... startfires mr. facely okay. if you are facing the stopsign on st eddie's take a right. continue down the sidewalk on foot until you see a person. ask them how they are and if they are having a nice day. if they are, go inside the nearest building and ask to use their phone. they will most likely say no and tell you where a phone booth is and to go to hell or something. if they say, "no, i'm having a terrible day." give them a hug and a beer and keep doing this until you find a person who is having a good day then you can go in the building. 001116 ... startfires (im good at directions) 001116 ... Barrett If you were a porn star, what screen name would you choose? I think I've decided on "Barry D'bone" 001116 ... startfires lkasjdflkasjflkjsflkjasldfkjalskfj 001116 ... startfires i have thought about this. they say your porn star name is your middle name and your moms maiden name. that would be lindsey schienost. ugggh, thats gross. and me and my friends talked about making a movie once and my name was gonna be lindsey schien, (pronounced shine), and i was supposed to be the hippy and i didnt want to be the hippy but lindsey schien is such a hippy name they said. and i said no its not its german. where was i going with this? i dont know. nevermind i have nothing to say. 001116 ... startfires and no, barrett, before you ask, you can't buy that movie. it never did make it past the names. 001116 ... start the fries psst. piiissh. peeep/ell. 001116 ... silentbob Miss Erin Lets say you're a guy and you're going to go see a girl who may or may not like you in that swoony crushy way. Would you (A) go after a girl if the mood was in the right place (B) do nothing and stay friends with her regardless of how she felt even if you really really really liked her (C)shave your arms and change your name to Davey Jones? come on now, im going to see her this weekend, you have to act fast! 001116 ... Barrett How 'bout the screenplay, can I read the screenplay? 001116 ... startfires does this girl still have a boyfriend? if so then definitely no matter how she acts you should not do any thing other than be happy platonic friends. if she does not have a boyfriend then go for it. long distance relationships are killer but they can be so much fun. and who said anything about relationships. youre young, be promiscious (how the helldo youspell thatword?) but be careful. and only shave your arms and change your name to davey jones if you want people to laugh at you and possibly make derisive remarks behind your back. your initials would be "d.j." and thats a big name to live up to. 001116 ... bryan adams starts fires look into my eyes you will see what you mean to me search your heart search your soul and when you find me there youll search no more dont tell me its not worth fightin for i cant help it theres nothing i want more... 001116 ... startfires god, bryan, i told you to get outa here. nobody likes you. go hang out with rod stewart. 001116 ... startfires yes barrett i will forward you the screenplay. at least all the best parts. 001116 ... startfires you_crack_me_up 001116 ... silentbob there's a beautiful sky tonight. the clouds swirl around the moon like chocolate syrup in lowfat milk. but the wind is so sharp i have to pull my hood over my face. i cannot enjoy my beautiful night sky. Because the one i love doesn't love me. i hate winter, and i hate everything thats cold. My question..... do you like my little piece of writing? do you know where i got it?? damn, im creative! 001116 ... startfires i read your blathe before i read your e mail so i was like, no, i dont know where you got it but i now comprehend completely. 001120 ... silentbob Hmm i was afraid of that Oh well Next_question How was your weekend? 001120 ... startfires !@#$%$^%*&^*&()*)(*)(*(*&*&^&^%^#$%$#@$#@ 001120 ... silentbob woah! is that your answer? next question then? ok... if there is one place youve been that you could go again, where would it be and why 001125 ... startfires the rainforests of costa rica. the streets of chicago. or that place on my bed i fell asleep happy with a warm arm draped over my shoulders. i liked that place the best. 001127 ... startfires maybe the dark side of the moon. 001127 ... is there anybody out there "there is no dark side of the moon...as a matter of fact, it's all dark" 001127 ... Barrett "Here today... Gone tomorrow. Haaa Haa Haa" 001127 ... silentbob Erin if you could be any song, which song would you be? 001127 ... Barrett startfires, does stuff suck? and if so, why? 001127 ... startfires silent bobby if i could be any song. hmmmm. i would be the song that never ends then i would be immortal and infinite. this is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on and on my friend, some people started singin it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singin it forever just because it is the song tha....... 001202 ... startfires barrett i don't know quite what you mean by stuff sucking. if you mean am i currently wallowing in pits of depression and self loathing scratching for the surface and static in my brain so thick i can't even fucking see straight and half the time i can't even get out of bed for long enough to eat, well, yes how did you know. if you mean is life hard and you just have to fucking deal with it and get over it, yes, that is true too. good observation. if you are refferring to my extracurricular activities with members of the opposite sex, yes. sucking would be a good word to use. otherwise i don't know. 001202 ... silentbob what would you do if everyday of your life people kept confusing you for this other person named Sandy. every day, "Hi sandy!" "I'm not fucking SANDY!" you say. and then you meet this sandy. and she looks exactly like you, hair, eyes, dresses the same and everything. do you think you would be friends with this person? 001202 ... startfires BOBBY of course i would. if i see a person wearing the same jacket as me i always go up to them and ask them if they will be in a gang with me. most strangers will decline. if there was a girl that looked just like me, well, not only would we get rich doing doublemint commercials, we would form a powerful alliance and take over the world. 001204 ... startfires SANDY and ERIN UNITE! watch out world here we come! 001204 ... silentbob do you wanna go to the beach with me? 001207 ... startfires absatively posalutely yes. i was just thinking (actually, i was thinking out loud at an unholy, drunken volume) last night how bad it sucks to be in the midwest in the wintertime. "weeee need to be in the goddamn rAINfiorest righht nowww!! fuck this medditterrranian bulllshit!! what the fuckpissshit am i? a goddanmn polar bear?" or something along those lines. it was enough to make people look out of their houses at me as i was walking down the street. 001209 ... silentbob will you fly away with me to some safely secluded island beach, alone from the prying eyes of the rest of the world? I've got my jet pack! all you need is bongo drums and a sexy bathing suit, and we won't need that for long. so what do ya say? 001217 ... startfires is your jet-pack powerfull enough to carry two people two thousand miles into the middle of the ocean? and do you have enough jet fuel to make it there? if so, can you pick me up in kansas city missouri? it's really friggin cold here. me and you bobby, we shouldn't be in the midwest. we are tropical animals and i think it would be best for both of us if we got outa here a.s.a.p. i have the bongos and the bathing suit. 001219 ... erin the luftwaffe dear start firing, if you were an aircraft, what would you be? 001228 ... startfires e.t.l: i guess i would be one of those foam airplanes you get at the carnival, yknow the ones with dinosaurs on them and the little plastic tips on the front for weight. 001228 ... silentbob erin if i were the supreme source of solar energy would you be my mother and call me SUN? HA HA HA HA. ha. ha. ahem. 001228 ... peanut butter will you take me out of the cabinet and talk to me? 010102 ... startfires bob: of course, dear. 010104 ... startfires peanut butter: yes i will take you out of the cabinet. i don't know if i would really feel right talking to you. since i know i will soon eat you and i don't think i have the heart to develop a relationship with something before i consume it. actually, that's the way to get the most out of your prey, get it to trust you first. so maybe i will talk to you but just don't be pissed when i eat you on my sandwiches with honey and bananas. 010104 ... rollins when the world ends...how will i know? 010104 ... peanut butter no, it's ok.... fulfill my destiny 010104 ... startfires loves H.R. rollins... the truth is the world has already ended. you are asleep right now in a pod filled with a jelly like substance that makes your nerves think you are interacting in the real world. but it's too late. the matrix has you. um i have a question for you sir are you henry rollins? if so will you marry me? i have waited for the opportunity to ask you that for years now. and if we get married will you dress up in a police uniform and paint yourself red sometimes and tell me you're a liar, yknow, to keep the marriage interesting? i have been telling my friends for a long time now that we were getting married so if you say no i will have a lot of explaining to do. i even told my friend dan he could live in our pool house. 010109 ... startfires peanut butter... okay, you asked for it. don't come crying to me when you are not enjoying being devoured. 010109 ... rollins yes. i will marry you. but you have to promise that i can see you naked. i want to make sure you know what you're getting into. 010110 ... startfires okay henry. can i call you henry? or maybe just hen. 010116 ... rollins Call me "any time" Just ask for my number catch ya later bow chicka bow bow 010116 ... silentbob erin hunny, what is a lufftwaffe? 010228 ... startfires the luftwaffe was the german airforce in world war II. they were mean tough nazis. who woulda thought, my alter ego is a nazi? 010301 ... DLS with your goobledy doo, and your luftwaffe, and your accent sometimes i think i am a jew chuffing me off like a jet to auscwitz to dauchau with my taroc pack and my gypsy ancestress i may be a jew 010413 ... ClairE I begin to talk like a Jew. I think I may well be a Jew. She also wrote: Love is a shadow. How you lie and cry after it. Listen: these are its hooves: it has gone off, like a horse. 011130 what's it to you? who go blather from