mallrats jennifer Brodie: One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat! I said, "Walt, what the hell are you doing, you know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you knock it off?" And he says to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy 000510 ... jennifer Brandie: Second suitor, would you ever make whoopie in public? Brodie: I already did once today! But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on this plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane starts spinning around, going out of control, so he figures it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad! So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and they land safely and everyone puts their penises or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else. Gill: Well, did he cum, or what? Brodie: Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public! 000510 ... birdmad ahh good...the cousin walter stories. 000510 ... jennifer T.S.: But they're engaged. Brodie: Doesn't matter, can't happen. T.S.: Why not? It's bound to come up. Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I gurantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child? T.S.: Sure, why not? Brodie: He's an alien, for christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him! 000510 ... birdmad Topless Psychic: Free...your mind. 000516 ... birdmad TS: Jesus, Brodie, What happened? Brodie: The guy from Fashionable Male just beat a raincheck into me and then said he was going to screw my girlfriend in a really uncomfortable place. TS: What, like the back of a Volkswagen? 000516 ... MollyCule children should be taught to fear and reapect all escalators (I realize that this isn't an exact quote from one of my favorite movies. But rilly, think about how much better life would be if the multitudes of people that have died in hideous escalator-related incidents were still her with us today, to remind us all to take safety into out own hands?) 000517 ... guitar_freak I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!! thanx bobbino!! 001022 ... *CatMeow* Brodie: Yeah 'cause you're always in the goddamn bathroom. What the hell do you do in there all the time? Rene: You really wanna know? B: I asked didn't I? I'm playing the role of the concerned guy. R: I cry. B: You cry? R: I cry. B: Any particular reason? R: I think about people that make decisions that affect our lives. The doctors that make advancements in curing diseases. The engineer that designs skyscrapers. The guy that maps out a plane's flightpath. B: The navigator. R: (if looks could kill look) I think about how those people are out there everyday, making a difference, leading big lives. And how they refuse to be intimidated by the tremendous odds of failure they face. And how they only concern themselves with peers and company that apply to their goals and noble causes. B: Jesus, I'd hate to tell you what I think about when I'm in the bathroom. R: I think about that and I cry. Because I have nothing better to do than fuck you. Ahh, the best line ever in a movie. Between me and my best friend I think we can recite the entire script. Jason Lee is beautiful. 001212 ... Rhin How are things down under? I just recently read an article, on a mall(s) in Australia, that has become so overcome with mallrats, that they have started piping Bing Crosby, through the sound system, in every corridor & shop in the mall. They reported that it's driving them out in droves. One teen's comment was, "It's irritating!" I guess good 'ole Bing, just gets "under" their skin...*heheh* (sorry, that was really, really sad) 001212 ... Mushroomman I tried to teach you how to hanle comics in the 3rd grade but NOOOOO, you wanted to play little leauge instead 010817 ... Aimee T.S: Well it gets worse... I was going to propose to her. Brodie: Oh my god where? T.S: On the universal tour. Brodie: You're kidding! When? TS: When Jaws pops out of the water. Brodie: That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. T.S: yeah well too bad I'm not trying to marry you. 010817 ... paste! the dvd commentary is the best ever. the tension between jason mewes and dipshit affleck is priceless. i swear that they deleted a brawl afterwards. 010817 what's it to you? who go blather from