irritating Lime Rider Yeah, laugh. You know you can't keep it up. 020401 ... Becky physics 020402 ... vampers people complaining that they arent able to see their boyfriend for a whole day or even two. i can't help but get bitchy, tell them off, and then run off and cry 020406 ... Syrope everything's been irritating lately. i think i'm starting to think differently about *time* and what i can do with it. i don't really...like...people. sometimes i'm surprised...but mostly i just feel like people are holding me back. i'm not sure from what, though. it's cocky and selfish and i don't like it, but when i forget myself and am having fun, but then i come back to how i usually am, i realize how true it is. i'm not the same as i was when i was unconditionally happy before, at brief moments in the past. this is a new happy...a happy that involves other people, and i adore it, but there's something missing. i'm not really challenged except in huge ways that i have no chance against. it frustrates me when i try for things and don't succeed, but then when i do, i'm so unfulfilled. i applied for all these jobs, and i didn't even really want half of them, but when i didn't get them i was disappointed in myself. so now i have this really awesome one that has lots of potential, and i'm downplaying it like it's no big deal. suddenly it isn't a big deal. i need something else to fall short of so i can be motivated again...quick, find something! i miss accomplishing things. i miss not being afraid of what i can do for fear of offending people or making them feel bad about themselves. i miss having my own set of connotations. i hate feeling like i'm babysitting and always making amends between people who are too full of themselves to have common decency. i miss being sure of myself. i hate stating everything as a fact because in this area of study you can't be unsure, there is no opinion, and not sounding like you know what you're doing (whether you do or not) is a bigger crime than actually not knowing. i hate how a missing negative sign in calculations can make an entire infrastructure collapse. it gives me the impression that my whole life balances on something that tiny. and most of the time i act as if that's true. whatever i'm doing, i am the job. i'm good at what i do and i hate when people are incompetent and threaten to mess up what i have going. i have stopped caring about things i used to care about and it's just annoying that people can't understand that and keep bringing it up. it's irritating when people go out of their way to call attention to the fact that i'm uncomfortable about something. you're not sorry because it's going to happen over and over and we both know that, so stop. apologizing. to. me. you want to know how i feel but when i make a statement you skip straight to the personal insults. you're not worth my time, my time is worth more than you, my time is worth too much for me to grasp 041212 what's it to you? who go blather from