urban_bodhisattva unhinged for years i've been reading but not practicing; i get it now. knowledge doesn't mean much if you don't use it. but, slowly it's transformed my life to the point where i can practice. i'm not as arrogant to assume that i've reached all my ideals, but this transformation is a slow life_long thing. slowly, i'm less angry. slowly, i'm looking to the positive commonalities rather than the negative differences. i remember the love i felt for them in y_town. the way i wanted to transmute all their suffering, how i would have given anything to see them happy. i had the ideal in me then. i just didn't know how to activate it. i was too self_absorbed with my own misery. or using my wish for their happiness as a way to cover up my own suffering. i was reading one of the newer books by the dalai lama today and he talks about the ailments of modern society. like how, even though we are physically closer than we have ever been with millions of people crammed into single cities, the incidences of spiritual and mental sickness are obviously higher than they have ever been in human society. i can see it myself when i walk down the street. how people won't look or talk to each other kindly if they don't know each other. the reluctant way some of the bums have begged me for change and cigarettes. the mass amounts of people walking down the street or sitting on the bus with headphones and cellphones jammed in their ears. i'm trying to smile more at strangers. last week, i was downtown shopping. i was waiting at the busstop and an older man came up and started talking to me even though i had my headphones on. at first i was annoyed, because i had goals that day of what albums i was going to listen to as i was going about my day. but, i pulled my ipod out of my pocket and turned it off and talked to the guy until i got off the bus. we smiled at each other as i got off the bus and i told him to have a nice day. at least i gave him some company for awhile. cultivate_compassion bodhisattva_vow new_tonglen strange i know; who would have thought i of all people would have abandoned my suffering for RELIGION? 060110 ... unhinged joshuathescribe jeff_buckley 060110 ... unhinged the person who wrote 'love exists' in some kind of paint on the sidewalk near the busstop that i usually wait at 060711 ... yay punk it up - make it fun ! 070507 ... unhinged the girl in the bathroom at the john the savage show who asked me if i was okay when i was bawling my eyes out the people who volunteer at the riverwest co_op atmosphere 080709 ... unhinged buy a friend a cup of coffee when they don't have the money for one 090223 ... unhinged still feeding the hungry and walking_away empty_handed 090418 ... TCMT Beautiful! 090905 ... debaser i agree. i try to cultivate respect for every sort of person. even the ones who seem hateful. and you only get each second once. you only get each brief interaction, each fleeting moment once. i agree, why not smile at the next person you make eye contact with? strike up conversations on public transport with people you wouldnt usually chat to. hear their life stories and perspective, compare experiences, and learn from it. we are able to come into contact with so many different sorts of people, why not take advantage of it? why be nasty when you can be mean? appreciate the impact you have on others lives and memories, even if it seems a small one. 090905 ... unhinged sadly, one of the boys i fed that night back in april got shot and killed this summer. i guess that's a hazard of urban living. he was an honest, sweet kid. and a very good friend of a guy i work with. i almost walked through a shooting at a street festival a few months back. this place is violent in the summer. i am constantly reminded of the fine line of being nice to strangers. to make eye_contact or not to make eye_contact ; to open up your heart to love, to grab someone's hand and have it turn out they only wanted you around for the good times. i'm falling on the argument_for_love side these days. that whole cliched shakespeare 'it's better to have loved and lost...' thing. cause life really is better when you throw the bad out with the garbage. or better yet, throw the concept of bad out with the garbage. life, and especially love, gets messy. i have learned to like helping others clean up their messes. that is if they want them to be cleaned. (too much time to myself turns me inward) the person that made the poster 'i am a human being and i want peace in milwaukee' and hung it in the window of the bike shop on center street 090906 ... unhinged living has been difficult for me lately; i can't really write of the details. the last few months found me in a relationship that rationality said didn't make any sense. the day i crossed paths with him again he said 'why were you with that guy?' i said 'you can't help who you fall in_love with' and shrugged in the past year, my life led me to the meditation center. i took classes there. on meditation, shambhala, the_four_noble_truths , life. i dragged my ass out of bed, stayed in and sober on friday nights so i could drag my ass out of bed. i learned how to sit and be with myself, for myself. so right now when i am broken_hearted i don't react to it to you parts of me are reminded of the past ( youngstown y_town heroin_doll ) and in the past few recent moments i am reminded that i have always had this impulse in me to further humanity and more specifically the people i love with my compassion i will always love you it's what i do 100328 ... unhinged maybe it's not the whole_truth i let myself cry when i feel the need everyday for the past couple of weeks but when i say i don't react to the broken_hearted i guess i mean i don't take it out on others i was standing in the line at whole_foods on the corner of north and prospect an interesting cross_section of milwaukee hippies and yuppies yuppie in front of me had ten feet between him and the person in front of him he stood at the end of the register i had things to do places to go tears to cry and no matter how much i edged towards that thing to separate my groceries from his for the cashier he wouldn't move my fucking shoulder hurt like shit and i just wanted to hip check the guy grab the divider thingie 'you are not the only person in this line asshole' but i took a deep breath in through the nose shook my head and waited 100328 ... unhinged (i need to get back to my meditation center) 100728 ... h|s|g i asked a friend for help, guidance he pointed a finger and poked me in the chest. laughed. listen_TO_UR_heart 100728 ... h|s|g trip_in_heart_tour_then_never 100728 ... unhinged the real trick is to listen to your heart (no matter what) and be gentle with yourself when your heart rages anger, sadness, hopelessness, depression do not make you bad. they aren't in and of themselves bad. i have learned to trust the fact that given_time ALL THINGS disappear. impermanence the patience to sit through the bad is just something our ego withholds from us to bolster it's own importance in our life. our ego, the only reason discomfort seems to drag on and pleasure is gone in the blink of the eye. any scientist would tell you the distance, duration of a second never actually changes. but it is our ego that stretches and compresses time. i have learned to take the 'bad' one second at a time and on that level find at least one thing that makes me truly happy. somehow we were deceived into thinking happiness should be easy. delving down into the dark parts with the light that illuminates all the ugliness is hard fucking work. exhausting, seemingly thankless. but yesterday i finally saw who he really is and my patience was rewarded. 100728 ... unhinged i refuse to let the bad choices i've made in the past result in blocking my future the present resets all old balances to zero every moment is an opportunity to make the right choice; but not making the right choice doesn't make me evil. i will just have to pay for that choice someday. mantra_of_the_year diamond_sutra i am just a container for wisdom and compassion it is not my job to judge spiritual_gangster 110220 ... unhinged the_diamond_sutra ? 110220 ... unhinged the bus driver today on the 10 in seattle singing to us over the microphone and saying 'dont worry folks, we'll all get through this together. I'll keep you updated' in the face of a massive unorganized bus reroute around some big tax rally (the last time i wrote on this page I must have had insightful flakes for breakfast) 110926 ... unhinged headphone activists aggressive pacifists i ain't saying that you gotta kill cops just look at your life check what it's built off c'mon atmosphere i_love_slug 111112 ... unhinged whoever left the apple next to the bum's head that was sleeping on the stoop on the stewart street side of macy's 121113 ... unhinged boundaries some people need em 130218 ... flowerock(is tired and may not make sense) I enjoyed these words and hearthings. learning_is_remembering and we all have this heart_felt compassion_for_humanity for life already, we just forget, lose sight of, or guve up on it(temporarily). Then, someone comes along and finally brings us back to this place. we are all always reminding and remembering things, forgetting and losing and finding. teaching_is_reminding 140207 ... unhinged thanks boundaries some people need to get over them the_fundamental_interconnectedness_of_all_things 140207 ... unhinged the point of human interactions is that we can help each other cultivate_compassion cultivate_patience master_consideration i woke up next to you almost everyday for months. i was warmed by your smile. i wanted to lessen your suffering, frustration, anxiety. so i woke up next to you for months. most of those days i laid there empty_handed it is a beautiful aspiration 'so too do i remain to dispell the suffering of the world' but not all beings are ready for the nirodhana that this human life has to offer. i loved you. i would have done anything you asked of me to bring you to the other shore. but you are consumed with wallowing in the slime and muck of materialism. it is not my place to evangelize or convert. people find the path they should be on when they are ready. fifteen years ago has become a distinct division, demarcation in my life. i wandered from the palace my parents created to shelter me from reality to the deep dark guts of suffering. i have always aspired to ending the suffering of those i love. but the reality of that aspiration is that people can only see what they allow themselves to see, that we are just empty boats bumping into each_other if you see my hand outstretched and dont want to take it, if you grasped my hand for a moment and then let_go, i cannot force you to hold_on. we all need to practice diligence and exertion for ourselves. i loved you. i would have done anything you asked to bring you to the other shore. but you didnt wantto make that journey with me. your shore becomes more distant everyday. my aspiration for your suffering to end remains the same. om_gate_gate_paragate_parsamgate_bodhi_svaha 140625 ... unhinged adam bucko i have been getting this feeling of needing to act in my community lately. reading his article about pulling kids off the street and giving them a life made me cry. 150217 ... unhinged . (my heart is shrinking again) 151103 ... unhinged long live the chief - jidenna 161211 ... unhinged bring_it_on universe 2019 has already taught me: bring me the cries of the world i can bear them 190112 what's it to you? who go blather from