broken_hearted unhinged i_just_wish_i_mattered_to_you not in the way your car matters or the dependablity of your towel hanging on the back of the door when you get out of the shower matters; not the way having beer in the fridge after a bad day of work matters not the way going to mom's to do laundry matters but the way that every breath you take is painful when you aren't breathing in molecules of me the way your lips and hands ache to be touching me the way you feel the need for me always to be well and happy; cuddled and spoon_fed when i am sick the way you understand when i am anxious and sad that all i need is some love, the best medicine the way you would stand in the front screaming all the words at me if i was in a rock band that just some of the things i did for you because_you_mattered_to_me you would do for me to without me asking without me pleading without a single plaintive sigh the piece of my heart you occupied so huge that when you broke it off and took it with you such a tiny amount left to beat that i felt that it might stop that everyday without you i border on silence the breath slowly still the tiny little fragments left ragged beating your huge piece that you took away the ghost pain of an amputated limb so that somehow these small pieces left reach out to each other and continue to live i wish i could get you to believe that there is such a thing as a genuine honest intention that i truly only ever wanted you to be happy because i could live vicariously through you that way happy to see you smile i smile broken i break i do but i know now break i'm broken you still smiling your eyeless smile drug numbed and socially dead broken long before me barely effected by me nothing i can do good enough you_failed_me oh god did i fail you so blue broken_hearted they will not hear what they don't want to hear they cannot hear what they don't believe you never believed me and that is what has left me most broken that words i could be so afraid to say from the bottom of my heart poured out of me and you never believed me 041023 ... . sighs 041023 ... from now on soup_or_glue 041024 ... Syrope i never want to take another walk like that. it's been over 4 years. my heart still catches in my throat when that song plays. 041024 ... magicforest we all amaze me 041024 ... unhinged they will not hear what they don't want to hear they cannot hear what they don't believe you never believed me and that is what has left me most broken that words i could be so afraid to say from the bottom of my heart poured out of me and you never believed me i sat at the kitchen table with you brought you beer and you with that eager smile such a self_proclaimed fabulous night 'look at me...who could stay mad at me for long?' and you know it you know it you motherfucker that i couldn't stay mad for long i always come back a glutton for punishment and you were going to walk away without giving me a hug they will not hear what they don't want to hear they cannot hear what they don't believe you never believed me and that is what has left me most broken that words i could be so afraid to say from the bottom of my heart poured out of me and you never believed me 041025 ... f can you tell me what my heart looks like today? 041027 ... pain.of.living shatterd. fucking shattered. i feel for every person who knows what its like to fucking crumble appart in the hands of someone you thought loved you..... 041028 ... f I want to hold you close like a lute, so we can cry out with loving. You would rather tyhrow stones at a mirror? I am your mirror and here are the stones. 041220 ... unhinged while it might sound crazy to you since i never told you i can't watch you be with someone else i can't be with you knowing you're with someone else i want you completely and all to myself but that's not what i mean to you a person doesn't know unless you tell them i always feel unable to speak they took my ability to say what i feel from me i don't know how to get it back but they don't know unless you tell them another face of the monster that eats it's own tail 080708 ... unhinged i_just_wish_i_mattered_to_you until i can find someone where the mattering can be said can be exchanged mutually i will always be brokenhearted 090217 ... Lemon_Soda I don't know whats going on... Can a heart be broken if you don't even know if the blow is coming? 090218 ... unhinged i can't help but wonder if i did the right thing this time with the cut_and_run maybe i won't find something better maybe you were all i deserve 090908 ... epitome of incomprehensibility I don't like the expression, but I've definitely felt that way... One of the dark sides of love of any kind is that it causes division: there are preferences and exclusions and breakups. Natural enough sometimes, and sometimes "Why???" Something relating too, maybe to argument_for_love, but I didn't feel like being serious. Ah, feelings. Nasty little things. Almost as bad as ideas sometimes. 090908 ... unhinged your_love_is_distant and the silence is deafening 100218 ... unhinged i've been this way for so long over you; i've almost forgot us before all of it. when we are together, i forget. but i can't forget that until recently just walking down the street without_you could make me cry i was walking down the street crying on the bus crying because of you 100821 ... nit oh my god! you must be a girl for sure! 100822 ... unhinged yes, because only girls get broken hearts and cry in public. you must be a boy from the ignorant shit you've been saying around here under the guise of logic. 100822 ... nit ha ha your're a crybaby girl 100822 ... that guy over there appropriate that this one calls itself "nit" an unhatched louse egg, by definition or, what we used to call a shit_raker 100824 ... unhinged . 130529 ... Raina her I am in a situation that I cannot easily get myself out of. not sure if I really want to go ?I just stare at the shattered pieces of my heart and wonder if it's ever worth fixing. stuck for the moment 130530 ... unhinged i wont force the issue either you care or you dont now i_remember_why i_stopped telling people how i feel my feelings have never been enough or_maybe my feelings have always been too much either way the result is the same 131230 ... unhinged either way the result is the same 181018 what's it to you? who go blather from