i_just_wish_i_mattered_to_you ♥ sad whisper in a blue world 021203 ... somebody ¢À 021203 ... ...... ¢À 021203 ... ♣ ♣ 021203 ... finally. :) 021203 ... jessica fletcher what i thought i had is long lost. Alone. there's comfort in this. in this mass of blue anonymity. things i know you'll never see because you don't care what i do or what is important to me. and somehow i loved you so much. i wish you saw these things. i need you to identify that look in my eyes as the pain of slowly approaching suicide. alas, you never look in my eyes...the truth would probably kill you. so another day i go, smiling to keep you safe. but all the while i just wish I mattered to you. 021211 ... Syrope or that you didnt matter to me or that we could just get everything out in the open and move ON! i think maybe things matter too much to me in general. ever since i came here, people have been saying "why does [this paper, this project, where we start] matter so much to you?" and i can't answer them...it just does. its just how i am. i need a sign, or a shirt, so people wouldn't get involved without knowing first... 021211 ... Deomis heh I see it in your eyes. That same old apathy. You don't care. As a matter of fact, you probably never did. Why should I care then? I know it will only lead to my own suffering. But you were the only person I trusted in this joint, and then you just turned about and walked off. I'm kinda lost for words here. Was it my fault? yes- probably... If I had never trusted you in the first place. But there was some immaterial string that seemed to bind us togther, some unknown common thread. I stupidly though that we had something special. We understood one aother's problems so well. What made you leave? What made you change your mind? I saw it once- that look in your eyes that said "I care" But maybe that was just the tricky imagination of my lonely and idle mind. Whatever. It's just that... well- I just wish that I mattered to you, if but a little. I know that this probably won't change your mind. You probably won't even read this. And if you do, by any chance care when you read this- don't YOU worry. I'm used to the cold nights, listening to the empty droning of the man on TV. I'm used to being alone. 041020 ... love & hate as you still matter to me... i just wish... 041020 ... cactus patty or did I ever matter in the first place? But, in the end, I matter to me. Time to stop trusting and start building back the wall, and take care of myself by myself. I've done it before, it can be done again. sigh. when will I learn. 041020 ... unhinged to return any of my attempted communications with you; i still think about you everyday and you ignoring me this way doesn't make me forget. it's just hurtful. stop being so hurtful asshole. 041020 ... magicforest I love you unhinged. 041020 ... unhinged we SHOULD be sisters in heartbreak me and you i remember that said on some other page when i was all head-over-heels with the current jon...that us broken_hearted should stick together. and it's true. you happen to be quite right on that. 041023 ... magicforest I don't feel like I ought to be heartbroken since I wanted it to end, and he wanted it to end, and it ended cleanly. But I'm heartbroken anyway... I end up at all your blathes, not meaning to blather-stalk...but our eyes are caught by the same tender phrases... my this hurts, girl let's hold hands and brave the darkness 041023 ... jane i'm lonely too what's the use? 041024 ... magicforest what's ever the use? smiles 041024 ... ambermoon i wish that you wanted to be there all those years i was waiting for you but you never came looking out my window all i saw was a lonley driveway rain pounding on my roof i thought i heard you running to my front door to find only disappointment sometimes i think you want me to find you but how can i when youve been hidden from me for so long i can feel the distance between us like a river flowing to fast to cross eyes closed i wade into the rushing waters 041025 ... ambermoon the words i just so beautifuly laid out for you...lost 041025 ... ambermoon the words i just so beautifuly laid out for you...lost 041025 ... Ivory I got skinny for you. I cut and dyed my hair for you. I gave up the tanning bed and became that perfect shade of pale, deathly white for you. I dressed the way I dressed...for you. I always hated myself for changing so much, changing everything that I ever was, just for one person. I swore that I'd never do that for anyone, but I justified it because I did, in fact, like the new me. I liked her quite a bit. She was a skinny, gothy red-head with a wardrobe to die for. Her bitchy sexiness left everyone around her in awe, lusting after her. ...but I never wanted everyone around me. I wanted you. I didn't even want to matter. I just wanted you to notice me. And you did. Oh, you did. And you convinced me that all the changes had made a difference. Yah, I just wish I mattered to you. You were everything in my eyes, and I'm more than just a crazy girl. But it was never meant to be. I still love you. 050228 ... dandy maybe when you're 70 you'll both be widowed and meet again and it will be the right time and place, both confident and sure of selves and can discover and open up every good and bad part of selves just as is. it's too sad that now isn't the time. you'll never forget her but others will come. It's her loss to not take you now. it doesn't make the ache any better I'd bet though. 050228 ... Syrope i'm back i didn't give enough warning again and now there are so many silences and i tried to hide the fact that i'm not someone you find...interesting? or special ...in any way but you can't stop goddamned rubbing it in my face. it'd be too easy. it's such a relief to realize i don't care 050301 ... somebody i wish 050402 ... her royal highness the quirk are you wondering how i'm doing i don't think so i bet you never think about me i think about you all day every day i can't stop 050403 ... delial I think about you during the commercials god knows how many commercials there are these days 050403 ... unhinged the perfect coincidence of two hearts so rare so rare indeed 080708 ... pSyche I type this out as you sit next to me Aren't I a heartless bitch? I know you'll be thinking that Maybe even saying that "Don't I matter to you?" But no, you don't not like you used to You are you and I am I And we are each our own person But no longer each others 080708 ... uh oh Industrial_Society_and_Its_Future 080708 ... unhinged but i don't need to know if i do because for some sick reason even though it's rare enough to begin with the coincidence of our hearts nearly perfect isn't anywhere near enough 110406 what's it to you? who go blather from