fake
sky diver maybe i should try being me 000114
...
old hick a genuine fake, he had no apprehensions about dishonesty. 000122
...
nameless fake plastic trees is also a good radiohead song 000414
...
not particularly I always feel a fake, and when I try to find myself I can never know whether what I've found is me or something else I've created for you.
...Oops?
000425
...
Squall Drama people. Their whole life is a drama.
Stop acting like you're deep.
You don't have to act all the time.
And if you are truly deep,
you would not tell me about your faux ponderings.
(Actually, not all drama people, but I'm thinking of a specific few,
you know who you are.)
000425
...
silentbob i dont know any drama people like that 000629
...
lokkust pepsi 000629
...
J.J.FAD summa numma duma numma summa lumma dooma lummma yeah thats it, that was it.. 010128
...
j_blue dont care, used to

i guess we are all fake, somehow

its like consistancy, or hypocrisy, one of those accusations

utterly_meaningless, only there to exist as an accusation, but it works as such

your_so_fake
010129
...
fanta a lot of people are I think. but it's probably just 'cause they're scared to show others who they are. if you don't give people the real you, and they reject you, they aren't really rejecting you, right? they're just rejecting the character you've chosen to portray yourself as. or, maybe people in our culture just watch too much tv and think they need to be like the cool people on the popular shows. 010224
...
sabbie when i am this tired
the words
"i am so real i am beyond fake"
from that hole song
echo in my head
010225
...
god rabbits

also owls and hooting
010225
...
Sol someone hid the real world, i cant find it i have not looked in the coal shed yet it might be there (most things end up there somhow) we are currently experiencing a fake, its not real our perceptions are unfounded, just check, your body may suddenly turn into that of an elephant. (or maybe you were before) or a squirrel or an artichoke or something the change may not be so extreme, if you find the real world can you tell me please? 010418
...
billy no mates fake is good
unless your a poor actor
then you see everyones masks
but cannot accept
the main attraction makes you sick
man about town
watch out
010510
...
erin am i pretending
doing everything you expect
am i not letting you in
or are u already in?
are these new feelings a sign?
A sign of love
A sign of nothing
Total Confusion
Yet so clear
You are standing in front of me
Arms outstretched
I can't help but to collapse into them
No more pretending
I need You

( i realized I loved you as I wrote this)
010529
...
bed time story erin b vich uania.
oh moses in the reeds that surfs too.
but hes good lookin'
and gay.
so thats a huge problem when you have shit heads fucking wiv you the whole time.
thats not what i call freedom.
just a load of fucking gloomy arse holes who dream of being you because we are poor and have to dream otherwise we have nothin to do but watch the rescue team help people wiv diamonds and the ones who planely like art for a good reason and logical answers are certain because the hole in the ozone is gunna clear up if people start believing in themselves and stop arguing about whos better and whos got the money when i go on holiday i would swap my house wiv some one elses but i have no money and no proof of anything apart from the fact that i hate systems that don't work all because of tyrants who kill cos they are jealous and also disease is serious when you don't look after yourself and trhe people you love .
armen.
010530
...
Fanta Orange cool shows by de way!
oh and as for the rest.
1st time er was real nice to see!
010530
...
A* no crying game for anybody 010530
...
Jeremiah someone once told me death was fake, i said it was bullshit.just because i want to commit suicide, just because i dont want to be on this cruel island any more dont mean im fake. blood is all i can wish for comming out of my legs and neck and throat. that would be great. then i could love myself, only when i slip slowly into oblivion. 010608
...
girl the owner of the place where i work is the fakest person i have ever met. he hardly ever is around. i think he just comes by to remind us that he owns the place. then for the few minutes hes there he act like youre his best friend or favorite person. when i first started working there he came and patted me on the back and asked me how i was doing, in an overly interested concerned sort of way and then less than descreetly looked at my nametag so he could address me by my name. he likes to pretend like he cares about us even though he'll make these decisions and changes that ultimatly make things harder on all of us.
i dont hate him (i dont care enough to waste such a strong emotion) he's just another rich fucking asshole.
010820
...
Bizzar someone who is fake, is someone who tells you one thing and means another. Hypocrit. Some people dont have the balls to be what they say, and will always be fake. I cant ascosiate with people like that 010919
...
kerry those ugly long nails the grocery store cashiers always have with the airbrush designs and rhinestones, makeup you can scrape off with a butterknife, liars, posers, copycats, people who think they are deep and prodigious but really aren't, people who claim to be depressed or having problems but they aren't, people who are "trying to find themselves" just so they have something to talk about; you know they already have. 011207
...
unhinged the true testament of our friendship is that she can only hug me in a crowded room. when i needed a hug, all she would give me is the second-hand psycho babble that all her daddy's money paid for. she likes the bulging eyes and bulging dicks and sharp intakes of breath and i can't give her any of those. all i ever wanted to give her was my heart and once again it is thrown in my face. oh_well 011208
...
carne de metal that goddam bitch. 020216
...
unpublished lyric machine all those things that you said
were they lies?
020216
...
yummychuckle no


but maybe SHE was lying.
020310
...
Erin Have I ever been abnormal
Or extroidinary to one
Remained steady in someones mind
As an unusual human being
Or an average everday adolescent
That passes them each and every day
Numerous identities to signify only me
Run through the minds of each encounter
I have unwillingly become in contact with
To some I could linger in the wings
Of their brainwashed automatic minds
To others I might be the entrance to their true selves
Helping them attack the kidnappers of their real feelings
Reaching out and catching them before they fall
To some I am just another nobody
Yet to the others I am considered somebody
Never will I be able
To decipher between the two
Since I choose not to know
Those who will never know me
020513
...
reitoei old western building fronts.
a cheap china veneer on a tortured soul. is it pity to break their shell? or will that which lurks inside, smothered in the chalky dust, scream and shrivel at reality and the eyes of others?
i cant wait to see, to smash the painted bodies with a ball hammer.
020513
...
. . 030618
...
starjewel Are you?
Am I?
Or is it all fake?

Your smile
your hello
and your weak embrace?

Why do I let you fool me?
Why do I keep fooling myself?

I know it's a game
you play it so well
And I'm just a loser

Sometimes you make me feel
as if I've won

But I know I'll never win
the game is rigged

It's all a sham
An intricitally staged show

I could do this
I can act

I'll just pretend it's real
when I know it's fake
031017
...
nomatter smile 031017
...
eliese all the girls in my high school.
That was 6 years ago.
But it got worse.
Those girls with tank tops on in the middle of winter.
Those girls who laugh and make you want to shoot them.
The girls that make fun of your outfit when you are coming out of the bathroom stall.
I laugh last.
and yeah, it's annoying.
031121
...
smurfus rex all the kids in the mall

they strut and pose and flex

and look around to see who's watching

they vault over trash cans

they sit on the tables

they poke and push and slap and chase

just to put on a show for their friends

and when we step to tell them to calm down

they laugh and say "okay"

in a fake sort of way

and you know when they get back to school

they'll tell their other friends about last Friday

when they were goofing around and security started sweating them

they'll think they're pretty hot shit

and 10 years later they'll look back

and realize at last how ridiculous they really were.

Happy Holidays and thank you for shopping with us today.
031121
...
trauma you work at the mall now? hah...your such a loser 031205
...
smurfus rex yeah, well, at least I'm not fake. 031205
...
ethereal http://xpressionary.diaryland.com 040419
...
pete though you feel fake, your burden and suffering are true. 040419
...
Syrope "everytime i try to make you smile
you're always feeling for sorry for yourself...
it that too much that i'm askin for?

can't find where i am
lying here, alone i fear
afraid of the dark
no one to claim,
alone again

can't you see that you lie to yourself?"
041014
...
DuPLeX I tried to fake it and i suceeded ,now I dont know what is real . 041017
...
rae maybe i shouldn't be myself.
could being fake be the next fad?
if so, where can i sign up?
041201
...
I saw The_Crying_Game last night for the first time. It was a little jarring. I mean not in a homphobic or puffed up insecure male compensatory bravo kind of way to distract or something from any semblance of identification with the protagonists - Jimmy and dil.

When the movie came out, I didn't know the premise and had considered taking my wife to see it, we were both into Forest Whittaker and blue collar gritty british pseudo cinema veritae. Or well rather I was, that is soley my characterization and not hers, how this woman put up with my obsessive psuedo intellectualism and penchant for digressive didactism I will never know. I have just recently learned from my mom that my deceased father was given to impromptu and hence interminable sharing of his many opinions and theories on practically anything that popped in his head. My dad had read literally thousands of books before he was 40 and had a photographic memory so..he could really talk. He was giving me college level lectures on anthropology during the rare ocassions i got to visit with him

okay - recovering from that last spate of (shudder) solipsism.

At the time the crying game came out i wanted to take my wife to see it..then i find out from a friend that the sister was really a brother and my reflexive and immature heterosexual bias asserted itself and even up until last night every time the movie was mentioned i would cringe inwardly.

well...i did see the movie on cable last night..why..i have no idea because i'd been studiously well not studiously but i'd never had any inclination to see it until then. it was a great movie. imean it had so many things. forest, miranda, the dude who played ferguson and the dude who played Dil and the bartender...the sagacious bartender was brilliant. I loved the dialogue device of having the characters refer to one another..i mean address one another through asking the bartender to relay the sentiment even though they are well within earshot. "Ask him if he wants to buy me a drink." "Ask him what his name is" "Tell him Dil appreciates the gesture" brilliant dialogue device done in that kind of off hand aplomb the british do so well. I found the way in wich the IRA were depicted a little potentially one sided. I mean murder is murder and terrorism is terrorism but the movie didn't go into why the IRA who represent a faction...forget it..

i should only speak about what i know or what i can at least pretend to know with some reasonable degree of ease and coherence. once you get past the she's really a he thing, and the savageness of miranda richardson, you discover heart in this movie. some of the scenes are quite moving, i mean you have jimmy/ferguson who is obviously conflicted - he cares about Dil but he can't quite reconcile being the object of her affections, he feels guilty, wants to do the right thing..wants to keep a promise he made to a dead men and all that....

homosexuals who dress in womens clothing, who have maybe a gender dysphasia kind of thing going on are not freaks or damned and irredeemable or pariahs or anything..thier just people - and suddenly i'm thinking of the old barbara striesand ditty.....i mean because of this movie i'm going to think before i judge someone on purely a moral judeo-christian tradition about the gender they identify with and thier choices wich are compatible to THEM as long as it's in a responsible and equal relationship betwee two consenting adults....

that's a pretty big statement for me to make because i'm even more uptight than i portray mahself to be here in these pages...so..rigid protestant rectitude notwithstanding i think understanding the reflexive emotional mechanisms i mean what the root of heterosexual or proto alpha male bias against non-hetero-sexual unions...well i mean moral reservations are one thing but violent articulations of hostility and what not need to be examined. why do we feel so theatened by other modes of being? don't know. when i'm no longer threatened by them i'll let you know.
050219
...
spartawinsthewar you spoke in such a fake way and never has it bothered me more. 051109
...
Night_Angel my outward emotions... appearing fine when I'm not... that makes me fake I guess. 060503
...
ungreat cheese out of a can, dyed food with artificial flavors, fake food for fake people. 070809
...
. fake food for thick sheep people that don't have a brain. 070809
...
Isaou Fake are your words but not your actions 070927
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