squirrel andrew@benicetobears.com squirrels are funny little creatures i never fully appreciated until annie explained their role in the grand scheme of things. 980819 ... Annie My mother sent me a book yesterday. It is called "I Am A Little Squirrel." It should have won the damn Pulitzer. 990204 ... Rainer Krauss Since when are rodents eligible to win the Pulitzer? 990205 ... ashley sometimes all it takes to make me smile is to see one of our bright-eyed bushy-tailed little friends scampering up a tree. what would our world become without squirrels? 990205 ... Rainer Krauss There's an answer to ashley's question....just look around any place on the world where no squirrels are. 990210 ... emily One can never think of a squirrel the same once you see it ceremonly laid out on the back step with the cat sitting over it beeming with pride. 990305 ... Leslie I was traveling across the country and there is a place called Olney -- I forget in which Midwestern state. Olney is "Home of the White Squirrels." And they really are albino! 990530 ... parsley i'm afraid of squirrels. they're weird. 990628 ... Betsy I just love squirrels! They taste like chicken. 000411 ... SomeoneElse My father once told me to never have sex with a squirrel. I still have absoutely no idea of what he was talking about... 000428 ... Philifledermaus cute, furry invincible creatures with a secret agenda. 000506 ... MollyGoLightly Had a friend a few years ago who was the human embodiment of a squirrel. Small and sleek, twitchy eyes and climbing fingers. 000520 ... MollyGoLightly And I can't imagine leaving this entry without mentioning Super Secret Ninja Squirrel. In 1995, when I still had to ride the bus after school (see: fifteen), I would wait under a tree with my friends in front of the school. There was a squirrel in this tree who threw acorns at us. At us. It aimed them at us and threw them at us. 000520 ... squirrel What is that you say? You think that I cannot understand the language of dreams.... I hear the nuts you store in your head. Leave me with mine; or feast under the hedge. Morning is near and the dew is ours to share. 001105 ... squirrel did i mention that i am afraid of parsley? it just seems bitter.... 001105 ... Barrett Once, at a pizza place I worked at, we had a squirrel out back that we feed bread. One day I gave it half a stick of BigRed. He must have liked it, five minutes later I found a Playboy magazine on the hood of my car. He sat on the wall smileing. 001107 ... unhinged i hate squirrels...we chase them on this campus...most people that witness us think we are nuts...aaawww...bad pun...geez pam kennedy started the campaign against the squirrels..i don't think she had any clue what she would start.... 001211 ... chanaka they are so much smarter than they look. we underestimate them. i get scared when i stare into the beady black eyes of a squirrel outside my window. maybe it's plotting to kill me. 001211 ... typhoid fishing hehehe. 001211 ... misstree beware the squirrels, for they eat nuts. 001212 ... twiggie My writing teacher, freshman year, believed that squirrels were undercover government officials. I don't think he was all there. He taught at a catholic school, he had the nuns with guns picture from rage against the machine...and he made us write about a chicken. 001212 ... god fertilized chicken zygote nesting within an anal cavity... poo patch trimming by the berry bush; orange crush ass- swill 001212 ... squirrel I'm not sure what all of this is about. I live such a simple life. forage sleep play mischief laugh forage sleep play. . . . 010125 ... Sol Squirrels? why not 010309 ... Aimee O = Olly, C = Chester O: Okay, hi it's time for A Word with Chester so we're going to have a word with Chester. Hey dude. C: Hey. O: How are you doing, man? C: You always ask questions... O: So? C: Can I ask some questions? O: Sure, dude you always have that option, Chester. C: So does that mean yes? O: What do you want? Ask whatever you want. C: What I want to know? O: Yeah. C: Really? Okay. Can I go up on the roof? O: Why? C: It's those squirrels again. O: Why, what's wrong? C: You remember. Squirrels? O: Oh, are the squirrels picking on you again? C: Yeah, they're up to something up there. O: Why, can you hear them on the roof? C: Yeah, I can hear them working up there... With their little tools and fax machines! I think they're gearing up for "the big one". O: "The big one"? What do you mean? C: I think they want my nuts. O: What are you talking about, dude? C: They're after my nut collection. O: Oh your nut collection... What are you gonna do? C: I'm gonna chase them down the yard, down the road. I'm gonna chase them. And the neighbor girl, she said she'd throw rocks at them for me to kill them. O: Great dude, thanks Chester. 010309 ... florescent light My brother wasn't able to pronounce my name when he was little. He made a sound that sounded like 'Rerril'. People then started refering to me as Squirrel. Now people call me Cricket. I must have one of those faces. 010310 ... Sol This, Is my Hypno beam 010421 ... unique butterfly i love squirrels!!! 010620 ... kinkazoid one of my ex boyfriends once told me that he had a dream he was a squirrel. a few days after we broke up, i had this strange dream that he died it was really real too liek i woke up sweating and crying and what-not. well the very next day, i went to my friends house and saw her dog chewing on sumthing..when i got a little closser i noticed it was a squirrel, he had killed it and was eating it. it was weird, and i havent talked to the kid after that so mabey he died or sumthing 010621 ... dB Wow, a squirrel. I shall name him... A Squirrel. Does anyone here watch Duckman? 010621 ... kuru http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2001/06/20squirrel.html 010622 ... baby satan i'm in love with a squirrel greatest squirrel in the world i didn't know this could happen to me 010623 ... nocturnal beastiality?! that's not a good sign, my friend. I recommend seeking professional help with that. 010623 ... dB Nocturnal, I wouldn't worry. It's BS, remember. 010624 ... O.T..T...T just a rat, with a big bushy tail. 010624 ... Casey They scare me. But maybe that is because I have not gotten to know them 010624 ... enriquecito their brain is just large enough to comprehend one thing: acorn. actually, i read a study years back about squirrels that was interesting. a couple of scientists analyzed, spatially, the patterns in which squirrels bury their nuts for the winter. they follow a sophisticated, almost fractal-like pattern on the ground, so that they don't have to remember each individual nut. they just follow the pattern and voila! Good thing, too, because they probably couldn't remember more than a few discrete locations. 010708 ... nocturnal wild, vicious beasts! I stay away for fear of attack. those things are psycho and very dangerous with their beaty little eyes and sharp teeth. too bad they're so cute. 010708 ... unhinged WHERE YOU AT? 011114 ... randomness_of_humanity My friend Spade once killed a squirrel with my mountain bike. Poor little furry guy never saw it comming. Perhaps in your next life you'll come back as a less fragile creature. 020917 ... skwirl trying to get a nut 020917 ... Spade In Spade's defense...I never saw it coming. I was going so fast. He stuck his little furry head out and saw me. He hesitated. I thought he wasn't gonna move. Right as I passed him, he ran under my tire. All I heard was a crunch. The shocks were so good I didn't feel any bumps. I feel guilty to this day. 020917 ... god spade, you did good. squirrels are evil minions of the devil herself. 020917 ... satan satan satan aw. c'mon dad, go easy on the little beasts... i mean hey, at least it's not like that time i accidentally created a subspecies of venomous_radioactive_lemmings (now THAT got messy, let_me_tell_ya) 020918 ... Syrope apparently some girl here saw one eating a rat. she n 3 or 4 other people swear up n down that that's what it was doing. the squirrels that hang out by the dumpsters are weird...they think they're rats. sqats. 020918 ... Aimee They scare me. The ones on campus are fearless... i swear to god, one day on started walking towards me and talking shit, i said "bring it on, furball" and it charged me... I don't like squirrels anymore. 020919 ... ~gez~ i really wanted to throw the stick at t, or chase it. it would have been so much fun to hold it and cuddle it. but you told me not to, and i'd much rather cuddle you 020919 ... *LB* I was attacked by one on monday!!!!! EVIL squirrels!! 020920 ... Beck She could talk to squirrels... 021011 ... god coming back from a convelescent home 030529 ... trippingdaisy my dad hits them with stale jujube's when they get on the roof. that way if he misses, he wont break a window, and something will eat it eventually. 030530 ... niska there's something unsettling about such a twitchy animal... 030531 ... minnesota_chris I would like to buy a gun which would shoot stale jujubes. 030601 ... rubydee from an old rhyme: ten little squirrels sat in a tree. the first one said, "what do i see?" the second one said, "a man with a gun!" the third one said, "we'd better run." the fourth one said, "let's hide in the shade." the fifth one said, "i'm not afraid." the sixth one said, "he's looking all around." the seventh one said, "don't make a sound." the eighth one said, "let's run to our nest!" the ninth one said, "no, staying here is best." the tenth one sneezed, "ker-ker-ker-choo!" then B-A-N-G went the gun, and ten little squirrels how they did run!! 030706 ... not important Squirrels are evil, and I am glad there are other people out there who understand that. I went to a school where everyone had to compose an ethogram and time allocation for some animal. Most people chose squirrels because they were so easy to find. Over the years the campus squirrels must have gotten wind of it. They started avioding us. And they flaunted it, too. You would walk to lunch and pass a dozen happy squirrels, but go out with binoculars, clipboard, paper, and pencil and there wouldn't be a squirrel in sight. We had all done our research and knew when they should have been most active. But no. The squirrels were determined to make biology as difficult for us as possible. It escalated into all out war. My lab partner and I recorded with glee activites such as "scampering up a post... flailing limbs madly while in free fall... resting... resting... " To this day I have to resist the urge to charge the conniving little pests. 030706 ... Frak i like squirrels... they're fun to watch, they go about their activities, sometimes they work, sometimes they play. sometimes they pounce on one another from behind, causing a yip type noise and a rather high jump into the air. 031103 ... nisus No. No, I assure you they are evil, manipulative creatures with hidden agendas. That whole happy frolic in the sun thing is a cover. 031103 ... tyger I have one in my head. Sometimes the squeaking of its wheel keeps me up at night. 031116 ... pittsburgh I live in a neighborhood called Squirrel Hill. This is not a joke. And there are lots of squirrels here. We have at least 10 in the trees around the house. They are strange manic little creatures. Endlessly paranoid. Like small fuzzy beady eyed meth users. My cats are obsessed but will never get one because they are not allowed to go outside. 031116 ... nisus Recently I was contacted by an ambassador from squirrel kind. She was so cute and not twitchy that I was lulled into sharing with her a fudge cookie. I retract my previous statements regarding squirrels. I can see now that I was stereotyping unfairly. Only the squirrels near where I went to highschool are evil. 040829 ... possums are way cooler. 040829 ... lani and jesse ???? are there SQUIRRELS HERE?!?! NO i dont think so... their called SUGI squirrel=sugi 040929 ... no reason a squirrel came into my brother's room and ran out with his whole unwrapped chocolate bar 050213 what's it to you? who go blather from