thank_you piercedjenny how do you say to someone: i am so angry at you for acting like my guardian? you make me want to scream when you say all the things i don't want to hear? your words are nails on the blackboard of my life when you tell me how things will be if i keep resisting help? i don't need you to tell me what to do or why i must, but to listen to everything i am saying and see everything i am not? i don't want you to think i'm an idiot when i can't do all the things you think i should? don't be my calorie counter?! don't think you're crafty when you tell me to do something and i end up doing it. don't think its because of you. don't not think its because of you either. it likely is. don't give me expectations you want me to reach. i will surely fail you and disappoint. i can only do one day at a time. don't get frustrated when i can't see why i make myself sick over this? don't hate me when i decide i've blown this all out of proportion and go back to life like normal? or as normal as things can be when all you see and hear are things that are no longer there -- and weren't in the first place. i'm more than partway crazy. this i know. so how i would say all those things to you is like this: T H A N K Y O U ! And you know i mean it. 011129 ... ClairE India...thank you all that crap. I don't like that Alanis_Morisette song. 011129 ... whoknows me neither 011130 ... mcdougall its what i would like to say to all of my friends and everyone who has ever blathered. both of these two groups of people have helped me alot. thank you 011229 ... mcdougall thank you me. thanks for listining 020105 ... string sl_ee_ping__pi_ll_s 020825 ... devalis for giving me my life back! God is The Man! 020826 ... 8.0.0.0. it's just the way it is you just understand i just don't need to explain anything to you you just _ get it _ i just want to thank you. 021027 ... amigomuertos you showed me your tattoo and we spent a day a nice time with a new friend you are one in a million thanks for the small spaces don't under rate your company what I find in your silence is more enjoyable than you may ever know 021027 ... ningunvalor and thank You for the reassurance 021028 ... silent storm For loving me 021029 ... twnayl ...for being who you are, doing what you do. I don't like it, but in the end I will be glad you did, for it will make me more careful, more inhibited, less confident, more shy, and althogether a lesser person. 030430 ... Glory Box for becoming a part of who I am. you are my personal epiphany. I ride that wave between love and like and the edge is sky blue and it smells like rain. 030916 ... Freak I shed a tear while driving to the mall to pick up the new Meat_Loaf cd. His music means so much to me. I saw him...i finally got to go to a concert...i had already accepted that it was never going to happen. Even if dad couldn't take me I couldve went myself but I had given up to long ago and wouldn't have gone unless you had taken me. Nothing could ever beat this. Thank You 030924 ... Ni thank_you to the creater/s of blather i found it by chance at just the right time just when i thought i had lost, lost my heart my confidence my happiness my ambition my courage and was in danger of losing myself thanku :) 031004 ... starjewel Thank you For noticing For caring for being just you I'm sorry I liked him Still adore him think I love him but I do But he hasn't been here read all my poems talked to me for hours On the phone Don't think I never notices I never cared Or never listened With you I'm never alone. Cuase you've taught me how to rhyme how to try and how to be me God it's so late But I had to say this You're amazing You're worth it And you're some one I must have met by fate It's dark now And thoughts fade out grey like the lights and your stil here The computer's soft glow It's hypnotizing and addictive but it means that your near so Thank you For noticing For caring for being just you THANK YOU 040118 ... oldephebe meat loaf - yeah..he's amazing - a perfect melding of rock, gothic theatre, romance...and some of his songs are part of a continuum that he's created..episodic, gothic soap opera..he's a pretty good actor as well.. 040120 ... ShilohLives for showing me who I really am, For teaching me how to be strong, for letting me find myself, for making me trust my self, for giving me something to work for.. And you did this all unknowingly 040120 ... .fallen thank you for your input 040218 ... story of eau you see, this is how it is... I thank you for being aloof. for being untouchable. for not letting me know you deeply... because anything truly intimate is ultimately disastrous for me. nevermind your eyes, or projection, or the eighth house or plutonian undercurrents. so I thank you for being that distant something. that enigma. that puzzle to be solved. that nothing coming to fruition. apparently I'm at my best when it's a struggle. I blame Catholicism... today. who knows what tomorrow brings? ridiculous. all of it. all of it. 050130 ... megan for asking me to describe what the creek smelled like covered in snow and then kissing me until i could use no more mediocre words to describe such an indescribable thing 050130 ... sirflaccid for thanking me..... You have no idea what that meant. Or maybe you do, and that makes it worth so much more. 050227 ... shame thank you for being to me so much better than i ever was to you i am unworthy thank you 050227 ... sirflaccid You are only worthy of the things that you are willing to accept. 050228 ... . there are not enough thanks. don't you think? 050711 ... sinead Thank you for hearing me Thank you for loving me Thank you for seeing me And for not leaving me Thank you for staying with me Thank you for not hurting me You are gentle with me Thanks for silence with me Thank you for holding me And saying I could be Thank you for saying baby Thank you for holding me Thank you for helping me Thank you for breaking my heart Thank you for tearing me apart Now I've strong strong heart Thank you for breaking my heart 050711 ... hsg I don'think I evereally told you thank_you enough. thatime we did have together, it was challenging, yes. it's almost like a color that I see in you but have not ever in another. I_love_you, ver_ily I_do. still, there was that dream. we re sleeping next to eo. I dreamt you said we needed, "a couple years off". in this dream I was indescribably sad yet at the same time totally understanding. it'w as_if you were making up your mind if you wanted to give yourself totally to me. and I respec that. in this dream you said, "two_years". if you're still trying, if you stillove me, know that what I felt with you feels like we spoke a_language_of_our_own. still_I_cry it's nothat I don'think I could make a good life with another. I know I can. but what about hue, that color, I WON'T LET go of you. there's ome thing else to this. my head hurts from crying and there's this ringing in my ears but I love you. and I think there'something to this. I won't settle for black_and_white because that's how I feel. we can do better than that. I feelIknow so little abouthe situation. I can't help and I don't care to judge. please just find me, and kiss me without being afraid. 090712 ... sadly my mother for being herself and for loving me for being myself and for all the things she let me do and for all the things she wouldn't 100117 ... re_alisma yep. thank_you. 101001 ... s_e_m_i_n_o_l thecnorati ergo Like the literati, I can fake belonging to it in a brief conversation. Most raties require a lot of ear work so bring a stool. 100930 ... ergo It's only a little surprising that I spelled technorati wrong. Humiliated once more by a word. 101001 ... s_e_m_i_n_o_l wtf_am_i_doing snook I really have no idea. About to drastically try to change my life because up to now it's just not working. No safety net. If it could have been fucked up, I fucked it up, royally. At this age I should be married and have kids. I know it's useless to compare, everyone is different. I don't even want kids or marriage right now! I am at least quitting my soul sucking job working for the devil of all evil corporations. Trying to go to school full-time so it doesn't take me 8 years to get a damn bachelors. Single for the first time in almost 9 years and hating it. I shouldn't have broken up with him. And now I think it's too late to go back. Not sure if I'm afraid I'm dying or if I'm terrified of life. WTF? 100930 ... re_alisma you're making transitions. except that you might be doubting yourself because of a Venus cycle. i would advise you to sit on your hands till the middle of November, and then you'll feel much better and more inspired to use them again. you, and all of us, might currently have clouded judgment concerning what we perceive to be The Good Life. demand "better" inspiration, but that doesn't necessarily mean changing what you thought out before this whole retrograde process started a few weeks ago. i'm not an expert on astrology, though. if you don't want to buy any half-baked astrology, my 2 cents friend-on-the-fake-phone advice is to just wait until you feel better about it (the evil job), which you will. if you are meant to get back together with 9-years, you will. 100930 ... snook Transitioning is a much better way to think about it instead of giant scary life changes. Doubting is something I have always had a talent for. I genuinely appreciate your 2-cents. The only reason not working for the devil anymore is scary is because of the whole paycheck thing. I've decided money and possessions aren't what make me happy though. So big middle finger to them. I'll also be distancing myself from some bad friendships and people who work there. As far as 9 years, it was two relationships spanning 9. And I'm 25. I do hope your right, and whatever is meant to be, will be. Que Sera, Sera, and thank you. 100930 ... n o m feeling a little depressed 101001 ... lostgirl swimming upstream in a downward spiral.... ever feel like you're in the giant toilet bowl of life after it just dumped shit all over you? so, yeah, WTF is right. 101001 ... s_e_m_i_n_o_l electric_moment carnifex hurried peeling of clothing grasping hands salt taste of sweat on skin click of intimately placed piercing jewel against the front of my teeth manicured nails digging into my hair, pushing my head down, lightly perfumed thighs holding me in place until she whispers "comeuphereandfuckme...nowww" and i happily comply 100930 ... unhinged mamihlapinatapai weird how when you looked at me that day your eyes were all i could feel the entropy_paste of all the drugs you did usually covered it up but that day when you looked at me i saw some emotion pass your face not the practiced indifference (believe me; i know the difference) but the same pain that stopped me heart made my skin itch when you weren't around your blue eyes crackled in the winter ice snow and i could tell by the way you moved when you crossed the street that there weren't words in our language to say it 100930 ... unhinged *my 100930 ... lostgirl electric_feel 101001 ... s_e_m_i_n_o_l w_h_o . estimates 3Bln deaths and codex_alimentarius you must have poison on your food for_your_safety. clean and non_gmo food is no longer allowed. 100928 ... PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!! AWWWW FUCK WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. This is EVIL!! 100929 ... PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They can't MAKE people eat GMO food this is in not_for_my_safety FUCK W_H_O! 100929 ... . . 101001 ... s_e_m_i_n_o_l electric_feel lostgirl heart_pounding how could that one dream practically scare the life out of me? 101001 ... . mgmt 101001 ... s_e_m_i_n_o_l wtf_are_you_screwing . omgwtfruok? 101001 ... Strideo not what but who. and no one at the moment. it's hard to type and screw. ... 101001 ... snook My brains, MY BRAINS!!!!! or maybe YOUR BRAINS!!!! out 101001 ... s_e_m_i_n_o_l oh_my_god_what_the_fuck_are_you_ok . omgwtfruok 101001 ... . . 101005 ... . s_e_m_i_n_o_l 101005 ... . omgwtfruok s_e_m_i_n_o_l 101005 ... s_e_m_i_n_o_l s_e_m_i_n_o_l 101005 what's it to you? who go blather from 101005 what's it to you? who go blather from 101005 what's it to you? who go blather from 101005 what's it to you? who go blather from 101005 what's it to you? who go blather from 101005 what's it to you? who go blather from 101005 what's it to you? who go blather from 101005 ... tank for keeping this beautiful dream alive. 201021 what's it to you? who go blather from