entropy_paste lycanthrope if you're like me...you never start anything...and you never start anything because somehow...you can never finish anything..not completely anyways. But life isn't like that...nope nope...small victories...it's just like this...you wake up, you brush your teeth, just like you did yesterday, just like you imagine you'll do tomorrow...in the same way, touch someone's hand...help a person who has fallen. Entropy works on different levels, there is the entropy of each day, the exact phrase you forgot, the activity you dreamt up but never got to starting, and the entropy of years, the forgetting of whole projects you completed, of whole loves, of the accumulations of all that work of various days that made it past the erasing arms of night. We shouldn't concern ourselves with either and should act as if this bit of help will last forever...or better yet that it will at the very least last long enough to matter...and all it has to do to last that long is last for an instant. And who knows...if you keep brushing your teeth, maybe even after all the wear and tear, in sixty years your smile will still be bright, even if you don't remember how it got that way. 020402 ... -{::EphemeralArcs::}- I start everything but I can still never finish anything... but somehow, that doesn't bother me, because I know I'm learning everything I can.. and that somehow that's important, at least to my own goals. Besides, nothings ever really finished is it? I've forgotten more than I'll ever retain, but here, the thoughts are immortal, or at least its longevity is guarenteed as long as the medium stays intact, or a copy exists somewhere. And, the things I've written well, I can look back over, and almost everytime I do, they bring back some of the old thoughts but mostly new ones, the way the words web around each other makes a new life, breathe, spirit. I asked my science teacher, "if entropy is true, if everything goes from order to chaos, then how is there any order left?" he answered, "the introduction of new order." But, that doesn't make sense either, new order isn't appearing from some unfathomable force.. we take the chaos and forge it into order. so, entropy isn't the universal state, it's only half of it, because life breeds life, and life breeds both order and chaos. but left alone to stagnate, without life's interuptions, things will always go to chaos. Because there are two types of death: one involves life, and one envolves ceasation of life. and entropy happens when the latter death occurs, it isn't leading to a new adaptation, it's leading to complete destruction. Life's death is rebirth, the phoenix sun, ashes become life become ashes become dust becomes life again. entropy paste? yes, copy and paste it and then alter it. add that bit of entropy yourself, to keep it alive. 020403 ... phil Couldn't remember getting the job, but I know somehow I have never missed a day. If I lost it I may never be emplyoed again. It's all I do, I go to work for only half an hour then go home to eat, to sleep, to be meery. I clean my room. Yesturday I spent all my money on posters. They don't belong here though. Everyday I work, I can't remember getting the job, but I know somehow I have never missed a day. I work at the police station of all places, cleaning the floor. My job is fun. I get paid alot of money and never get tired, then I go home, my mind is a pink foamy thing, the electronics are all gooey, I know if I keep working everything will change, one day, I know it will like I had a secret meeting with my mind. My mind, I feel it coming back with the music. I don't feel it coming from far away, I only feel it, it's finicky sometimes anythink and it would collapse to pieces, sometimes it stays on for days, just looking at things, pieces of wood...burning. Strong. Everything at those times is overcome. Recently I got an idea. I want to make a big giant wheel, and lay down inside and role down the hill. Then I got this big headache, it was a big motivator. 020403 ... unhinged there is no one single reality. i live in my reality. you live in yours. sometimes things overlap. when they don't, we can't understand each other. the reality of a musician is quite different from the reality of say a mathemitician. (although some would say that they can be one in the same but i say 'fuck you' to that) the reality of a musician is open wounds. nothing can live through music that hasn't lived through you first. every performance that ever inspired was first inspired by the raw emotion; bleeding, feeling, loving, caring. you can't bury emotion and be a musician. you can't be an apathetic stoic bad ass and have it come out right. those realities cannot overlap. he tries to make them overlap, tries to bury what at the same time he is trying to convey and he can't understand why he's going crazy. so he cuts a few lines in further attempts to bury himself. the small liquid part of his being covered by the dirt that someday will not allow it to shine through. my reality is not yours. your reality is not mine. but i look into your eyes and see the overlap and want to brush away all the dirt. 020403 ... lycanthrope well...there's entropy within entropy, and within closed systems there are more closed systems. Something on the verge of chaos' last act can be to create new order, a dying person can tell others to live good lives. And we aren't exactly closed systems in many senses...of course in the bodily sense, unfortunately we are enough to exist, to have boundries, boundries that give us our identity, but also keep entropy something we are constantly moving towards. They say the universe is a closed system...even though it keeps constantly expanding. My question is this...if the universe is expanding....what's on the outside of the universe...there has to be something to expand in to right? Has to be something on the other side? Or does there? Are we infringing our chaos on the perfect order? Leave it to us to find patterns in what to a less troubled mind would be nonsense. 020403 ... paste! "...Phaedrus remembered a line from Thoreau: "You never gain something but that you lose something." And now he began to see for the first time the unbelievable magnitude of what man, when he gained power to understand and rule the world in terms of dialectic truths, had lost. He had built empires of scientific capability to manipulate the phenomena of nature into enormous manifestations of his own dreams of power and wealth--but for this he had exchanged an empire of understanding of equal magnitude: an understanding of what it is to be a part of the world, and not an enemy of it." 020403 ... stork daddy what rubbish 020403 ... god amen brother 020403 ... stork daddy i mean...there's a reason we call that period of time the "enlightenment" 020403 ... oldephebe lycanthrope - i'm diggin' your words man 040113 ... oE you so rock paste! hmmm..somehow that youthful ejaculation of praise seems kind of unwieldy, kind of inappropriate as it leaves my fossilized mouth. I ah..thought that was a brilliant commentary paste!. There. How was that? Staid enough for someone heaving the sediment of so many years upon his sloped psyche? Mebbe. good stuff though 041130 ... oE oh wait..that was an extraction of thoreau commenting on Phraedrus...okay..still an astute and apropos compliment to this page ... 041130 ... marked , 050111 ... - - 080930 ... - - 091013 ... unhinged .hey_god how many years ago around this time did i recite that blathe on stage in youngstown at the nyabinghi? continuous_light_and_mollycule were pissed i didn't tell them you were coming (i have since never cock_blocked another blaher minicon i was involved in; those girls were pissed) 110317 what's it to you? who go blather from