thank_you
piercedjenny how do you say to someone:
i am so angry at you for acting like my guardian?
you make me want to scream when you say all the things i don't want to hear?
your words are nails on the blackboard of my life when you tell me how things will be if i keep resisting help?
i don't need you to tell me what to do or why i must, but to listen to everything i am saying and see everything i am not?
i don't want you to think i'm an idiot when i can't do all the things you think i should?
don't be my calorie counter?!
don't think you're crafty when you tell me to do something and i end up doing it. don't think its because of you.
don't not think its because of you either. it likely is.
don't give me expectations you want me to reach. i will surely fail you and disappoint. i can only do one day at a time.
don't get frustrated when i can't see why i make myself sick over this?
don't hate me when i decide i've blown this all out of proportion and go back to life like normal?
or as normal as things can be when all you see and hear are things that are no longer there -- and weren't in the first place.

i'm more than partway crazy.
this i know.
so how i would say all those things to you is like this:
T H A N K Y O U !

And you know i mean it.
011129
...
ClairE India...thank you all that crap.

I don't like that Alanis_Morisette song.
011129
...
whoknows me neither 011130
...
mcdougall its what i would like to say to all of my friends and everyone who has ever blathered. both of these two groups of people have helped me alot. thank you 011229
...
mcdougall thank you me.
thanks for listining
020105
...
string sl_ee_ping__pi_ll_s 020825
...
devalis for giving me my life back! God is The Man! 020826
...
8.0.0.0. it's just the way it is
you just understand
i just don't need to explain anything to you
you just _ get it _

i just want to thank you.
021027
...
amigomuertos you showed me your tattoo
and we spent a day
a nice time with a new friend

you are one in a million
thanks for the small spaces
don't under rate your company
what I find in your silence
is more enjoyable
than you may ever know
021027
...
ningunvalor and thank You for the reassurance 021028
...
silent storm For loving me 021029
...
twnayl ...for being who you are, doing what you do. I don't like it, but in the end I will be glad you did, for it will make me more careful, more inhibited, less confident, more shy, and althogether a lesser person. 030430
...
Glory Box for becoming a part of who I am.

you are my personal epiphany.

I ride that wave between love and like and the edge is sky blue and it smells like rain.
030916
...
Freak I shed a tear while driving to the mall to pick up the new Meat_Loaf cd. His music means so much to me.

I saw him...i finally got to go to a concert...i had already accepted that it was never going to happen. Even if dad couldn't take me I couldve went myself but I had given up to long ago and wouldn't have gone unless you had taken me. Nothing could ever beat this.

Thank You
030924
...
Ni thank_you to the creater/s of blather
i found it by chance at just the right time
just when i thought i had lost,
lost my heart
my confidence
my happiness
my ambition
my courage
and was in danger of losing myself

thanku :)
031004
...
starjewel Thank you
For noticing
For caring
for being just you

I'm sorry
I liked him
Still adore him
think I love him
but I do

But he hasn't been here
read all my poems
talked to me for hours
On the phone

Don't think
I never notices
I never cared
Or never listened
With you I'm never alone.

Cuase you've taught me
how to rhyme
how to try
and how to be me
God it's so late

But I had to say this
You're amazing
You're worth it
And you're some one
I must have met by fate

It's dark now
And thoughts fade
out grey like the lights
and your stil here

The computer's soft glow
It's hypnotizing
and addictive
but it means that your near

so

Thank you
For noticing
For caring
for being just you

THANK YOU
040118
...
oldephebe meat loaf - yeah..he's amazing - a perfect melding of rock, gothic theatre, romance...and some of his songs are part of a continuum that he's created..episodic, gothic soap opera..he's a pretty good actor as well.. 040120
...
ShilohLives for showing me who I really am,
For teaching me how to be strong,
for letting me find myself,
for making me trust my self,
for giving me something to work for..
And you did this all unknowingly
040120
...
.fallen thank you for your input 040218
...
story of eau you see, this is how it is...

I thank you for being aloof. for being untouchable. for not letting me know you deeply... because anything truly intimate is ultimately disastrous for me. nevermind your eyes, or projection, or the eighth house or plutonian undercurrents.

so I thank you for being that distant something. that enigma. that puzzle to be solved. that nothing coming to fruition.

apparently I'm at my best when it's a struggle. I blame Catholicism... today. who knows what tomorrow brings?

ridiculous. all of it. all of it.
050130
...
megan for asking me to describe what the creek smelled like covered in snow
and then kissing me until i could use no more mediocre words to describe such an indescribable thing
050130
...
sirflaccid for thanking me.....

You have no idea what that meant.

Or maybe you do, and that makes it worth so much more.
050227
...
shame thank you
for being to me
so much better
than i ever was to you
i am
unworthy

thank you
050227
...
sirflaccid You are only worthy of the things that you are willing to accept. 050228
...
. there are not enough thanks. don't you think? 050711
...
sinead Thank you for hearing me
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for seeing me
And for not leaving me
Thank you for staying with me
Thank you for not hurting me
You are gentle with me
Thanks for silence with me
Thank you for holding me
And saying I could be
Thank you for saying baby
Thank you for holding me
Thank you for helping me
Thank you for breaking my heart
Thank you for tearing me apart
Now I've strong strong heart
Thank you for breaking my heart
050711
...
hsg I don'think I evereally told you thank_you enough. thatime we did have together, it was challenging, yes. it's almost like a color that I see in you but have not ever in another. I_love_you, ver_ily I_do. still, there was that dream. we re sleeping next to eo. I dreamt you said we needed, "a couple years off". in this dream I was indescribably sad yet at the same time totally understanding. it'w as_if you were making up your mind if you wanted to give yourself totally to me. and I respec that. in this dream you said, "two_years". if you're still trying, if you stillove me, know that what I felt with you feels like we spoke a_language_of_our_own. still_I_cry it's nothat I don'think I could make a good life with another. I know I can. but what about hue, that color, I WON'T LET go of you. there's ome thing else to this. my head hurts from crying and there's this ringing in my ears but I love you. and I think there'something to this. I won't settle for black_and_white because that's how I feel. we can do better than that.

I feelIknow so little abouthe situation. I can't help and I don't care to judge. please just find me, and kiss me without being afraid.
090712
...
sadly my mother


for being herself and for loving me for being myself and for

all the things she let me do

and for all the things she wouldn't
100117
...
re_alisma yep. thank_you. 101001
...
s_e_m_i_n_o_l thecnorati
ergo Like the literati, I can fake
belonging to it in a brief conversation.

Most raties require a lot of ear work
so bring a stool. 100930
...
ergo It's only a little surprising that I spelled technorati wrong.
Humiliated once more by a word. 101001
...
s_e_m_i_n_o_l

wtf_am_i_doing
snook I really have no idea. About to drastically try to change my life because up to now it's just not working. No safety net. If it could have been fucked up, I fucked it up, royally. At this age I should be married and have kids. I know it's useless to compare, everyone is different. I don't even want kids or marriage right now! I am at least quitting my soul sucking job working for the devil of all evil corporations. Trying to go to school full-time so it doesn't take me 8 years to get a damn bachelors. Single for the first time in almost 9 years and hating it. I shouldn't have broken up with him. And now I think it's too late to go back. Not sure if I'm afraid I'm dying or if I'm terrified of life. WTF? 100930
...
re_alisma you're making transitions.

except that you might be doubting yourself because of a Venus cycle. i would advise you to sit on your hands till the middle of November, and then you'll feel much better and more inspired to use them again. you, and all of us, might currently have clouded judgment concerning what we perceive to be The Good Life. demand "better" inspiration, but that doesn't necessarily mean changing what you thought out before this whole retrograde process started a few weeks ago. i'm not an expert on astrology, though. if you don't want to buy any half-baked astrology, my 2 cents friend-on-the-fake-phone advice is to just wait until you feel better about it (the evil job), which you will. if you are meant to get back together with 9-years, you will. 100930
...
snook Transitioning is a much better way to think about it instead of giant scary life changes. Doubting is something I have always had a talent for. I genuinely appreciate your 2-cents. The only reason not working for the devil anymore is scary is because of the whole paycheck thing. I've decided money and possessions aren't what make me happy though. So big middle finger to them. I'll also be distancing myself from some bad friendships and people who work there. As far as 9 years, it was two relationships spanning 9. And I'm 25. I do hope your right, and whatever is meant to be, will be.
Que Sera, Sera, and thank you. 100930
...
n o m feeling a little depressed 101001
...
lostgirl swimming upstream in a downward spiral....

ever feel like you're in the giant toilet bowl of life after it just dumped shit all over you?

so, yeah, WTF is right. 101001
...
s_e_m_i_n_o_l electric_moment
carnifex hurried peeling of clothing
grasping hands
salt taste of sweat on skin
click of intimately placed piercing jewel against the front of my teeth
manicured nails digging into my hair, pushing my head down, lightly perfumed thighs holding me in place until she whispers "comeuphereandfuckme...nowww"

and i happily comply 100930
...
unhinged mamihlapinatapai


weird how
when you looked at me that day
your eyes were all i could feel
the entropy_paste of all the drugs you did
usually covered it up
but that day
when you looked at me
i saw some emotion pass your face


not the practiced indifference
(believe me;
i know the difference)
but the same pain
that stopped me heart
made my skin itch
when you weren't around


your blue eyes
crackled in the winter
ice
snow

and i could tell by the way you moved
when you crossed the street
that there weren't words in our language
to say it 100930
...
unhinged *my 100930
...
lostgirl electric_feel 101001
...
s_e_m_i_n_o_l w_h_o
. estimates 3Bln deaths and codex_alimentarius you must have poison on your food for_your_safety. clean and non_gmo food is no longer allowed. 100928
...
PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!! AWWWW FUCK WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. This is EVIL!! 100929
...
PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They can't MAKE people eat GMO food this is in not_for_my_safety FUCK W_H_O! 100929
...
. . 101001
...
s_e_m_i_n_o_l electric_feel
lostgirl heart_pounding

how could that one dream practically scare the life out of me? 101001
...
. mgmt 101001
...
s_e_m_i_n_o_l wtf_are_you_screwing
. omgwtfruok? 101001
...
Strideo not what but who.
and no one at the moment.
it's hard to type and screw.
... 101001
...
snook My brains, MY BRAINS!!!!! or maybe YOUR BRAINS!!!! out 101001
...
s_e_m_i_n_o_l
oh_my_god_what_the_fuck_are_you_ok
. omgwtfruok 101001
...
. . 101005
...
. s_e_m_i_n_o_l 101005
...
. omgwtfruok s_e_m_i_n_o_l 101005
...
s_e_m_i_n_o_l s_e_m_i_n_o_l 101005

what's it to you?
who go blather
from 101005

what's it to you?
who go blather
from 101005

what's it to you?
who go blather
from 101005

what's it to you?
who go blather
from 101005

what's it to you?
who go blather
from 101005

what's it to you?
who go blather
from 101005

what's it to you?
who go blather
from
101005
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from