razor
Quintessensual and that one does raze so finely
past and future join
thought and word merge
two souls one become
across bodies and distance
with such magnificent simplicity
991220
...
silentbob while shaving once i thought about my own mortality.
how easy it would be to simply take my life from myself with this razor.
i felt its cool sharp edge against my throat, wondering what it might be like if i just...went up a little too far. a little slip of my wrist and all the red candy apple cider inside my neck would come gushing out onto the floor below.
then i finished shaving and put the razor down and got on the computer to check my email.
000616
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guitar_freak never cut yourself. you see the scars forever. They bring back unwanted memories. 001013
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MollyCule but maybe they are things you want to remember, to never do again 001016
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guitar_freak Well, I just did it again. I guess the scars just keep adding up. This time it hurt. I guess I cut too deep. 001112
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MollyCule isn't the entire point of it be that it hurts? 001116
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the spork hmm, personally i got used to the sensation of the blade biting up to a certain depth.

now the marks only hurt when i get soap in them...so i wash my arms frequently
001117
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lovers lament in my friend ted's bathroom in columbus last year i spent an hour in the bathroom tearing apart a shaving razor to cut myself with. no one even noticed i was missing for that long. . .not even my boyfriend.
exacto knives work the very very best.
:)
001201
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datura i killed myself when i was twelve.
closed my eyes and leaned back.
stigmata. the blood on my wrists revived me, i said, but i was wrong.
i was twelve and i died in the bathroom there in cold rainy january.
001202
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unhinged a dirty used razor held in the confines of a box-cutter

it never bites down far enough to bleed

it just forms a scab the next day.

uh oh...these scabs are almost gone to white...
001210
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circe cutting is boring. 001210
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The Schleiffen Man mine had no cut left in it so i could not shave.... i look like a lumberjack 001210
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cazzi i am sitting in the dark.
the world is falling apart.
is there a point?
there is a sharp point on a razor which looks somewhat good.
nothing else has a point in my mind.
i live by the razor and i will die by the razor.
001227
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twiggie i prefer scissors to razors...thats the way it started and thats the way it will always be. 001227
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guitar_freak Acually the first time I cut myself I used a sissor. They work pretty good. The point for my cutting Mollycule, is not for the pain. Usually I am in so much emotional pain that nothing hurts included a knife cutting my skin. It usually feels good because I am feeling something. Something is better than nothing. That is how it started, as a quest to feel something- anything. That is why I was surprised that it hurt a little that time. 001227
...
fuck i don't want to condone this. because cutting is such a personal thing.. and talkign about it so casualy on the fucking internet kinda pisses me off.. and i really don't want to add anything here..

aaak! but i'm going to..
the few friends who are bold enough to touch my only visible scar (and oddly enough, they do quite frequently) was born last winter.. it's been around for a year.. it's bad.. but.. the scary thing is..
it bled for 3 days.. like soaking though towels bled. i hit a blood vessle on the inside of my elbow.. whatever you call that thing.
i like it. i play with it when i'm driving.
001228
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moonshine I used to bleed myself, ridding the pain and emotions. So they wouldn't boil and ferment within & become so much like unearthed poisons. 010114
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misstree quick and sharp,
an instrument of ritual,
to decorate
with scarlet streaks
the lines that i will dance.
010114
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13lueee MY scars don't remind me of bad memories actually i'm quite proud of them except for the fact that i can't wear shorts or short sleeved shirts infront of anyone i know which is kinda sad but for some reason i just keep doing it and i don't even want to stop though my arms and legs are covered with scars... 010324
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yummychuckle i take some strange comfort in knowing that some other blatherers cut themselves.
a couple people surprised me...
and when i cut...i try to get physical pain to distract me from the emotional pain sometimes. most of the time.
but I like to consider it punishment. it used to be punishment for being a bad person, and then I started enjoying it. so then i got angrier at myself and I get really frustrated. i have this dumb little loop i keep going in with my cutting and bulimia...and crap.
And then I guess the few people that know about the cutting.
ok not few.
the scars are pretty visible.
anyways those people who have talked to me about it (besides fellow cutters) don't seem to realize how much it bothers me whan they TELL me that its a cry for help.
which makes me feel dumb and awkward, which makes me cut (cus i'm a bad person), which makes me angry, and every time i get closer to suicide. but how do you get close to suicide? u do it or you don't.
so I'm thinking it over. all of this.

i really hate being fake, its one of the worst things to call me. fake, or a liar. so then the whole cutting thing starts making me feel like some sort of weird poser, cus I'm not committing suicide,a nd I'm not living happily, dead or alive, not miserable and wanting death.
sorry i'm being so confusing, but I am confused, myself.
010604
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yummychuckle oh yeah, and i must add some more...
i, too am proud of my scars tho i don't show them off. its strange and stupid (thats me, alright..) but its like i try to show them off without showing them off. pretend to be ashamed. which brings me back to the "cry for help" thing...maybe it is to get attention? fuck it...
also, my razors are stored in this vampire stuffed animal i have, the cape covers up the ripped seam.
010604
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MollyCule I can't say why when he asks. Maybe it's because it rained yesterday. Maybe it's because I seem eternally doomed to miss people I will never have back, the way they were, again. Maybe it's because of what happened when I was 15. Maybe it's the Belle & Sebastian song I can't stop listening to. Maybe it's because I simply had the opportunity. Maybe it's the chemicals in my brain. Maybe it's the way she seemd so different after that many months. Maybe it's that he never called. Maybe it's the prospect of moving away from my safe little town. Maybe it's the sad truth contained in the first two lines of "Adia." Maybe it's things I will never be able to forget or forgive, no matter if I've spent over 5 years trying or not. Maybe it's the plain and simple fact that there was an exacto knife on the kitchen counter, and I was home alone. I'll never know. I'll never be able to explain to him what I can't understand. 010829
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unhinged i brought it with me here...the handy little box cutter and when i pulled it out of my pants pocket because it was a last minute emergency item and couldn't be packed away with all the rest of my stuff, it had a little magnetic question mark stuck to it from my magnetic poetry kits. the irony of that made me laugh. i think i've moved past my need for it but i always keep it around because you never know when humanity will disappoint you. 010829
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Sarah MolleyCule:

If it hurts, you don't really want to do it.
020122
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the Queen of Hearts Sarah, you are an idiot.

It's supposed to hurt. That's the whole idea.

Now fuck off with your little helpful ideologies and go pester some christians somewhere.
020122
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MollyCule Sarah -

Thank you, first of all, for misspelling my name. I never thought that the word "Molly" required advanced language skills.

Secondly, the whole reason I do it is because it hurts. You think I think these scars are pretty? I don't want them. I'm not proud of them. You think I do it because it feels good? You think I want to? I don't want to. I never wanted to. I just want to let everything out.

Thank you, Queen of Hearts.
020123
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SuicidalAngel I've only done it a few times. It's nothing drastic, I dont draw blood, but after a few minuts it puffs up and is red, the next day it looks as if it has been bleeding. The first time I did it was because I had never done it before, the second because I loved the power trip the third for attention and the times after was either a mix of both or just because it really doesn't hurt. I only do this when I'm really suicidally upset though. 020123
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oppinion never tell someone that they shouldnt cut. never ask why. never try to act sympathetic, or sorry for the person. never give them unneeded attention. this is just my oppinion because I hate it when that happens, which is usually very often. you can never generalize cutting, eveyrone has their own individual reasons. 020211
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loosing faith its an adiction
its a drug
when pain is so overwhelming
this is where i turn
the pain is so deep, theres so much held inside there
the deeper i go, the more pain is freed, seeping out in liturgical pumps
streaming vigorously as if trying to escape

there's so much pain in there
sometimes it overflows
boiling brain, tell my hand
reach for the blade, its your only escape
take the blade, cut it deep
thrash and slash
till blood does weep
and when the blood flows far away
life goes on for one more day.
020227
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Boymansonbowie I will always remember the first time i did it...and when my friends found out, and my boyfriend. they all cried and hugged me and asked me not to do it again. i cried with them because they wouldn't understand, and i wouldn't stop. that was a few years ago. i haven't sliced myself with one in a while, but i miss it so much that i can taste it. Razorblades still turn me on. is that weird? 020604
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squint oh yummychuckle, you pathetic little thing.
the novelty of cutting and the newness and my naivety, my wide eyes stupor...dumbfounded that so many other people cut...
(puh-lease)

now its no big thang, baby.

the scars are there, in all the foolish places, but since...since, i have moved to cutting where it cannot be visible.
only to those
who dare to get so far on my skin.
and they read me
so confused. and all i can do is say "i used to cut. it was really stupid", and hope they don't recognize how fresh a scar it is...

i almost packed one, and thought having it on the plane might um not happen. so I'll just break apart some razor when i get to maryland, and keep it safe in my dresser.
just in case.
020604
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brett i do, rather did. white stripes. only a few people found out, and to be frank (this pretty much somes up my life) nobody really cared (apart from, 2 people, one of which i hate with all my heart because it's her that drove me to it in the first place). don't know if i'm being too harsh on myself there, but, it's subjective i guess. 020703
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Mo dont ever cut with a new blade without testing it first to see how sharp it really it, you will end up in the emergancy room. 021118
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rubydee sometimes i can't type
quick enough
to just get it all out
that's when the exacto comes
out to flay
delicate skin
more easily penetrable
than this brain
021118
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michelle j razors sometimes handy depending on the situtation and sometimes pain full dont cut your slef with them burns like shit and will go to depe leaving a scar for the rest of your life not only on your body but also in your mind 030120
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sabbie i am tired of these scars 030606
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/anon i prefer knives they hurt more 030607
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x give me one reason

to throw it away
030608
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rubydee resolve 030609
...
thats bathos for ya. such a thin red line I drew
so thin
so small.

such a small red drop I drew
so red
so sweet.

such a crappy poem. sheesh, I thought I'd got past this stage by now.
030629
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ferret such a strange phenomenon 030823
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ferret such a strange phenomenon 030823
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ferret hmmm, it's easier for them because their scars show. not me :) oh no, i would have to make an effort on my part if i wanted anyone to know. hahaha, oh well, it_dies_tonight. why_dost_mine_demon_grow_strong? only i know. 030823
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ferret my cut is less physical and more mental. razors are nothing. you should try the internet. the things you can do there will cut so much deeper, and create so much more dependence. but now i'm breaking free. and soon it'll all be different 030823
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bloodytears my tears and my blood seems to flow the same anymore
the sweetness of the pain only helps my addiction to the blade that much hard to put it down
i like the little white lines
they make me feel whole
but i'm still so tired
031018
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happiepill Used to be so happy, so content
Now only the razor can do me justice. It heals me
031116
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hsgatincamail surgeon 040614
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kimmyness Razors- not just for shaving anymore!;)
now twice as sharp for those HARD to cut muscles and stuborn veins!
040622
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sleeeep wen i first did it, it wasnt cuz iwas sad i was just majorly angry n then after i did it i was thinking: how did i do that cuz im in this docile mood? so yeh also, by telling sumone to never cut themselves won't save anyone, dont act like its this big problem cuz to them its not n it still isnt to me. 040625
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psychodic i cut because it takes me away from everything i know it sounds messed up but it does i just stop thinking about all the shit going on and i think about slicing through my skin its like im in a zone no one can tell me not to do it b/c its my choice and i can do what i want to my body but whats kool is that my arm has so many scars xpecially my wrist, that the skin is alot tougher and i have to press down harder and it hurts more 040707
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anOnomoUs hey all mah blatherers, i was wondering what you other cutters use to cut yourself with? im forever picking apart these fucking shaving razors so i can use the single blades, I go through them so quickly becuase they lose their shapness very quickly. 040803
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Borealis while I don't personally, I worked with someone once who used the sharp end of a ruler...
more pain..more scarring...less blood

*shrugs*
040803
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still alive who knew that a 3 inch peice of metal could ever help me keep my sanity? 040925
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Amy stop my tears, reduce my pain. 050314
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scream my best friend 050324
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*Amy* they are already here, I can`t hide my scars, what can I do, it`s already done, just accept them 050324
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krupt i have my scars to remind me of when i almost thought i was depressed...
i thought i knew what i wanted to know but i was stupid said the rest...
i know now i made mistakes and i never fell to my chest...
but now that i lived, although i cut deep, i know now i have it the best.
070613
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Isaou Oh sweet razor....
come to me in my dreams?
make me feel whole again?
070614
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from