alcohoroscopes somebody Impulsive ARIES people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing_time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you - so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini. Aries, born under the hot-stuff planet Mars, is the ruler of spicy food and red things - and for balance, astrologers recommend they eat tomatoes, onions, olives and greens. That's right, Aries, you were born under the sign of the bloody Mary. Aries also rules grapefruit, and they've been known to kick back a salty dog and a sea breeze or two. Forextreme hotcha, try a concoction with cinnamon liqueur in it. TAURUS prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one_person_stampede, the kind of bull_in_a_china_shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler - God, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated. Early_to_bed Taureans need a picker_upper - try a Red_Bull and vodka. They also have a leviathan sweet_tooth and are fond of drinks with names that sound like dessert (50-50 bar, mudslide). Sweetly caffeinated drinks, like Irish_coffee or white_Russians, are ideal. More macho Taureans will go for something unpretentious, like a Jack_n_Coke or whiskey_sour. GEMINIS can drink without changing their behavior much - they're so naturally chatty and short_attention_spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round - repetition is boring - and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement. Easily bored Geminis need some stimulation in their drinks - those with two parts, like a black_and_tan (or just a double), are particularly appealing. Otherwise, they'll drink all over the map, ordering frou_frou drinks to add to their collection of cocktail monkeys or going for whiskey rocks because they're feeling rather noir. Gemini rules the herb anise - make some home_infused anise vodka as a gift. CANCER is a comfort drinker - and an extra wine with dinner or an after_work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists - and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second_favorite Cancer will do. Ruled by the moon, Cancers are intrigued by the idea of moonshine - any brown booze, from a bourbon press to a whiskey_and_soda to grandpappy's special brew in a mason jar, will do. They also like comfortingly warm and sweet drinks, like hot_toddies and hot_buttered_rums. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda. LEO likes to drink and dance - they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling - Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue - and perhaps not with the one what brought them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day. Leos like flashy drinks, be they complicated tropical concoctions festooned with umbrellas, like a Bahama mama or the more common strawberry daiquiri or mai tai. Indeed, they often have a taste for the fruity - try a screwdriver, or add an extra cherry to the next Manhattan. Their sense of drama lends itself to a kir royale, of course. Cerebral VIRGOS are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure - but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked - but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead_sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ! Many Virgos prefer clear, simple, untreacly drinks like vodka tonic or a real margarita, though you'll find 'em drinking anything - from unflinchingly downing Cuervo straight to smirkingly ordering a dirty virgin. They also tend to like bitter, low_alk guzzles like Campari and soda. They rarely change their drink once they've found it, however. "I'm just a social drinker," slurs LIBRA, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social." Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta_Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self_control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble - including wearing their wobbly_boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops! Aesthetic Libras like pretty, pouffy drinks like a pink_lady or a brandy Alexander. That's the influence of Venus, their ruling planet, which also gives them a horror of crudely named potions like Sex_on_the_Beach. They're fine with "normal" guzzles like apple martinis, but every Libra secretly just wants Champagne, and lots of it. Don't ever tell SCORPIOS they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog_whimpering drunk, out of 100_proof_spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality_altering_tool - though if depressed, self_loathing Scorpios seek total_obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything - especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you. Just as a Scorpio can look you in the eye and smile while secretly plotting your demise, so does the brandy_laced stinger's sweet taste hide a point amount of alcohol. If you want to get literal, serve them a scorpion - they may not love tropical drinks, but it shows you're paying attention. Scorpio rules watermelon, so break out the blender and fix a pitcher of watermelon margaritas to seduce 'em - though red_wine will do the trick just as well. In vino veritas - and, for SAGITTARIUS, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else - like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good_natured_hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call). A travel_loving sign, Sagittarius might be intrigued by drinks like Moscow mules, Singapore slings - perhaps even a Long Island iced tea (not a bad option, given how much Sag can put away and still stay vertical). Party_monsters that they are, they're attracted to shots, like the ever_popular lemon drop. Sag rules pears, and could use a nice pear cider right about now, come to think of it. CAPRICORN is usually described as practical, steadfast, money_hungry_and_status_thirsty - no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail_party list. But this is the sign of David_Bowie and Annie_Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock_star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie. Old_fashioned Cap would probably like an old_fashioned just fine -- or a dry martini, or a gin_and_tonic, or a gimlet - or any other no_nonsense quaff. They prefer drinks that taste like alcohol and generally hate drinks with more than three ingredients. However, they like the flavor of cranberry and will order a cosmo if they can handle the wait for it to get mixed. AQUARIUS and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward knowitallism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative - and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink_nursers. They also make the best designated_drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist): Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober. Aquarius is likely to order stuff most people have never heard of: a capirinha, Satan's whiskers, a negroni, an Arthur Tompkins. They like to stump the bartender. This sign rules the color electric blue and would be pleased by any tipple featuring blue curacao. They also rule the olive tree, so pour the juice into that dirty martini. If you're a PISCES, you've probably already heard that you share a sign - and an addictive personality - with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out_there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive_personality" can be read two ways, you know. Pisces rules fresh mint, and they do love a mojito or three - though a julep will do just as well. They also like punches, like sangria or the oh-so-aptly named fish house punch. (Pretty much anything will satisfy a Pisces in a pinch, though -- "drinking_like_a_fish" is an idiom pulled out of the zodiac, not the deep blue sea.) Pisces is a chocoholic and loves creme_de_cacao (and spiked cocoa). 031125 ... x gemini's are narcissists, and want to hear more about themselves gemini's will consistently order the same drink if it gets them attention from their favorite bartender 031125 ... mt sags are also big on adventure, and tend to cook up new and terrifying concoctions for people to try with them, then feel bad when the baileys and tequila is mean to their friends. 031125 ... Doar I'm ruled by the Moon? 031125 ... gwyllynne shpooky shpooky shpooky 031125 ... andru235 interesting ... my drinking patterns, for better and worse, are definetly best summed up by my corollary sign, and not very well summed up by the others ... 051116 ... IGG yeah baby! typical aries loving the shot contests, so true. also very flirty when drunk. very true indeed. anyone want a drinking contest? 051116 ... Snook Wow, I can't even be an original drunk!! 051116 ... TROUBLESUM for some unknown reason, reading this made me think of miss cleo after 2 fifths of jose cuervo 051116 ... nocturnal I know I always say this about stuff about aries, but seriously, that's soooo embarrassingly me. you want something from me...ANYTHING actually, line me up some martinis. oy. and challenge me? look out. I will give myself alcohol poisoning before letting someone else out drink me. time to go? wait, I gotta see what I can fit in my purse to sneak out for the ride home. I really shouldn't drink. 051116 ... IGG nocturnal, my new drinking buddy. 051117 ... unhinged pretty freaking funny and once again my moon (pisces) seems to be more accurate. so to all the nonbelievers i say once again, get your natal_chart done. 090601 ... jane i have convinced an entire bar to pack up and move to cancun. so true. 090601 ... ever dumbening spontaneous sag IS a brilliant booty call 090601 ... unhinged one of my best friends in milwaukee is a sag and when we drink together she's always ready to hop from place to place and get everyone to go with her. suddenly, i know a lot of sagitarriuses. i wouldn't know about the booty call part though ;-) 090601 ... Ouroboros It's true, I am either dancing or being tired/weepy while drinking. (leo/cancer cusp) 090601 ... jane your_mom_ is a brilliant booty call! 090601 ... unhinged according to my dad she's not. ooooohhhhh 090601 ... hsg hahaa! 090601 what's it to you? who go blather from