butterflies_on_a_board once again She collected the words. Strung them together, trying to pin them into place. 040628 ... once again She was strong... in the sense of the word that can to often mean unbending, but she knew when to give. She was happie, not that she was joyful, but happie in a calm way... and her smile when she flashed it filled her face, bringing a dangerous light to her eyes. She was average. She made mistakes, she did things perfectly. Her soul was a shell that danced around her in irridecent transparency. 040628 ... once again He was shy. Not that he was afraid, but he was not brave. He did not believe with his whole soul. He did not know with his whole person. And he soared. His beauty comming through in every facet of his eyes... his grin... the way his body took things into them and made them part of him. He understood... not with his head, but with his heart. His soul was the frame for his skin, the girders strong and sturdy. 040628 ... once again They did not dance. They did not have the grace. They merely fell together in the manner of a shooting star. It was beautiful because it blazed, but in truth it was hard and unyielding. They spiraled at speeds that hurt they eyes and they left a mark. But they continued on as if the ground was no barrier. They moved along it still as if they were falling... falling through every day through paths untouched before by bodies so like silk. 040628 ... once again He was weak. He could not stand, but in the way of the weak, he bent the world around him. He built a fortress of humanity for himself and he lived like a god. He knew the secrets of the world... they are not so secret if one has the courage to look. And he did. And he SAW. He saw the way things were the way it was... but did not understand. But he set out to fill himself with it. He poured his soul into these forms, with hope. 040628 ... once again They did not dance. Nor did they fall. They smashed as mountains to each other. The irristable force and the immovable object. They pushed each other up, born on a bed of diamond. They shone, radiant and firey. They formed a primal force, a cold passion. And they melted into each other as the friction became to great. Their bodies became alike in form, if not in substance and they were bound together in heat. 040628 ... whitechocolatewalrus i like this. 040629 ... once again The wind poured through the windows. It was violence personified, but she laughed anyway. Her hair knotted as it whirled around her head in complicated tangoes and sambas. Her lips were parted beneath the bright glowing eyes that scanned the dark of the road before her. And in the howl of the wind and the dance of her hair, she grinned at the purr of the voice and screamed her defiance in song. 040629 ... once again It was a bruise. The combination of pleasure and pain captured in it's perfect moment. Bubbles of blood caught as they rose to the surface, by your delicate tongue. The heat and pleasure and the tremor of pain frozen briefly on the pale canvas of my skin. Painted by your skillful, willful, suction of your lips. And it echos with a gentle touch the moment that it has captured, burning bright just under the surface of my skin. 040629 ... once again In a moment the song will end and in minutes the drive will end but at this moment pushing through the night light and free and glorying in the rush of the night and the song... all is well. In this moment, when his touch still lingers and his scent seeps from your skin, when the music is bright and the night is alive, in this moment you are perfect. Soon you will be home and sleep will claim your weary body, but in the second before you are carried away, when you realize the perfection of this day, you will be all that humanity strives for. 040711 ... twilightfox i want to take my emotions and pin them down like butterflies i want to immobolize them forever just so that i could study them and examine them everysinglenookandcranny i wanna find what makes them tick so that when i encounter those feelings again i will recognize exactly what they are i will act accordingly none of this panic that has become too much a part of my regular day no i will look at my little board and say hm that looks to be a jealousyguilt hybrid and i want to explain myself once and for all so that ill know how to deal with life 040711 ... once again And in the gray light that spreads in the absence of dawn that summer lighting flashes through the window by the bed. The cat runs it's head along the curving of your hand and you roll beneath the covers in contentment at the storm. The low rumble of thunder, like a tiget in its cage sings a soft lullaby to you as you go to sleep again. Hands stilling on soft fur as eyelids fall shut and the pouding of that rain echos on the glass. 040712 ... once again And as the road comes into focus a dark ribbon in the black night, the rushing of her blood makes her fingers tremble gently for a moment as her worries fade away and she wonders what was so bad about yesterday. In a fuzzy, furry moment as she smiles all bemused perfection settles slowly on a blank and blue eyed gaze. Loving silence riegns as these dreams travel through. 040722 ... will you be lonely with me? the band the postal service reminds me of this. i dont know y. i like the songs they sing. 041130 ... once again An as the swift darkness fills the room she hears nothing but the rough sound of his breath rushing past her ears and the loud bang of the steam heat. She will not move, for his arms hold her captive not by strength, but through her own folly she is trapped in the sweet pressure of his chains. His lips press aginst her with incoherent demands and her body arches against him in easy answer. This is how she sleeps... safe, but unsure in this little patch of night. 050215 ... blather amazement society whoa... so well written. 050215 ... once again He is real. The knowledge of him presses against her consciousness. She does not always think of him, but when she does, she is not remembering, only acknowledging the awareness of his existence. She cannot find in him the surety which she discovers so easily in others. She knows him as a name, as a voice, as a way of being and cannot discover what he means. Yet in his mere existence she finds a deeper meaning then if he had been truly real to her. Just by being he means, witha solid dream like quality she has found in no other. And he sees her as one who has always known what they were looking for. She knows perhaps that she should have never met him, but as always she allows herself no regrets and will take him as he is... in the sureness of his being. 050227 ... once again It is excitement and anticipation. It is a rush of wonder and joy pounding like blood through a heart just barely big enough to hold it. And it will carry you, hold you up above the minutia, and spin you laughing to safety. It is not certainty, it is not a conviction, it is not big and bold and carved in stone. It is a small thing, a gentle, unreal feeling, a hope, an ideal, written in smoke on mirrors and in clouds. And this is what you live for. This is what you strive for. This is not your life... not your whole life, but this is the part that matters. City sidewalks grey at dawn and gold in the afternoon... intersections and stop lights and it's not the city you love, but it's everything the city is. And it's not a boy you love, it's everything he does. And every day is different and new and this is everything you've ever desired or needed or burned for. This is not your life... it's just one day... one minute... one second... but this is what you live for. 050913 ... factory reject once again... that was so beautiful. thanks you. 050929 ... pete "german high command november 11, 1918: all quiet on the western front" my throat when dry as all my tears formed and were held in that one shot. 050929 ... once_again "You know that place, between sleep and awake where you can still remember dreaming?" Your eyes are only half closed, but the flickering candlelight makes you uncertain of even that fact. Your whole world divides into sensations... the weight of an arm the warmth and the touch of fingers... you can almost feel the music. And you're never sure what's real when life turns into a feeling. Is this how it's supposed to be or is this merely a glimpse of how it can be, how it should be. You can feel him breathing and you can hear your heart beat. And you think, you know for just a second, that life really is perfect sometimes. What if, What if everyday, just for one moment, on second, every life is perfect? It is. 051119 ... once_again He was man. As man was meant to be. He has the body of a god and the face of a boy and when he laughed so did the world. He was weak and strong and imperfect. He was everything that you could ask for. He was alive and in the way of things that are really alive he was vibrant and arrogant. He lived as those who know what they want do. He knew where to go and how to get there. He had no doubts. He was truly a man as men were meant to be. 051120 ... once again the mistake we made was sarcasm to nonchalance or those other things you strive for when everything means too much. and how do you admit a feeling when everything depends on silence? and how far will you go to not ask the questions to which love is the only answer? at night i remember those things that we did and the words that we always said after. and now that I'm safe from you, when it is too late to matter, I'm sorry that I lied so well. We should always do this again. 070925 ... ha ha ha ha well if you want to call it freestyle, i'm showing off not winning. whooops 070926 ... once again I geuss in the end you love people for what they see in you. There's the sound of his voice lifted in praise of you. Telling the world of your laughter and love and adventure. It's so easy to take joy in that voice, to take your worth as the sum of the praise. The thing is that the person you end up really loving is the person who sees the bad stuff. When he knows that you're cruel and selfish and insecure and still want to be with you. You can take pride in that, because you have a soul worth saving even with it's flaws. They say it as a joke, "We know you, and love you anyway." He knows me and loves me for who I really am. 080808 ... In_Bloom Pinned and mounted, you'll never be that I would rather see you fly free Even if you last only as far as my eye can make out your form, lofting That's how I'll love you 080809 ... once again If you could take his face, with eyes crinkled in laughter, his mouth open and his arms around you like he never want to let go... if you could take the moment when his eyes open and look up at you with joy... if you could put it in a snowglobe and swirl it around with plastic snow... it will never be as beautiful as it is right now. So when you lay down next to him with his fingers laced in yours don't forget that today is the exception, not the rule. 081019 ... once_again It's a a calm sort of joy that fills the mornings, still dark with the night of yesterday. You can feel his warmth next to you and the knowledge of the cold outside the covers pokes into your consciousness making the moment bittersweet. Some woman on the radio is telling you how she's not sure if the economy is getting better or worse and her voice is shoving you from bed. But the thing that's important is that even though you can feel a frigid wind pushing through the fabric of your pants... and you can see the harsh glare of headlights probing through the predawn... and you know that at least one awful thing will happen before the the sun sets again... you can still feel his warmth next to you and that calm sort of joy you feel in his arms. And this will always be today. 110106 what's it to you? who go blather from