there_is_nothing_wrong_except_you_loving_me someone or other there is nothing wrong i like you you're warm, and i'm happy when you fall asleep in my arms you're comfortable you make me smile. You make me happy. I like how you put up with the absurd things I do. I like how we fit together. I like how you make sense to me. I like your eyes, and I like the way you smile. I like your pancakes. I like you a lot. We get along well, haven't argued ever, yet but sometimes you say you love me you say don't ever leave you say i miss you when you are not in my bed and i smile vaguely, and kiss you but i don't love you i probably want to leave someday, though certainly not today i also kind of like having a single bed to myself which isn't to say i don't care about you because i do but i don't think i love you right now, and I think that's a bit unfair hell, I don't know what love is and I don't know what to do if only you cared about me less? 071125 ... National Hero You told me that you loved me first, and I said it back so as not to seem rude. But I didn't. I knew I didn't. I hoped to. I knew that I wanted to. I knew that I should and that you would make my life better than anybody else could. So I said it until I meant it. It took months. But I meant it. And I loved you. Then you stopped saying it back. Then you stopped feeling it. Then you left me. 071125 ... someone or other the fact the she tells me she loves me every day and I tell her I like her sometimes, but never anything more makes life a bit tense sometimes 071128 ... someone or other the first time i kissed her, it took eight hours to get up the courage i was so surprised when she kissed me back when she liked me too 071128 ... hsg to have again that first kiss: it is worth the price of death. 071128 ... unhinged and how do you know you don't love her if you don't know what love is? and why is the contentment of being close and good pancakes and beautiful first kisses not enough? because you were deceived to believe that love is only worth having if it is star_crossed entombed embroiled do you not know how lucky you are to have someone to lay next to you keep you warm kiss you make you pancakes? there is an impermanence to love the exact and intense coincidence of two hearts a rarity so you pass up the everyday beauty to pine away after some imagined ideal that in reality you probably have a better chance of winning money on scratch off lottery tickets than you do in having some story book fairy tale love affair that you should never expect for your love for a person to exactly match their love for you so in this ridiculous expectation the beauty of someone to hold at night that can tell you how they feel and like you well enough afterwards to make you breakfast is diminished as somehow not good enough when it is probably the most perfect wonderful satisfying love you will ever feel being sent in your direction don't pine for what isn't be thankful for what is and someday you will realize that the holy/nurturing love of a sister_like figure is exactly what you should want to spend the rest of your life with instead of waiting for the chance with some imaginary vapid 'hot' creature that will wreck your heart and leave you emotionally and maybe even financially crippled 071128 ... unhinged (yeah, sorry. mostly not about you. lonely and self_indulgent again and listening to my best friend complain of something of the same nature in a really petulant immature way. also, the next guy that tells me i'm like the sister he never had is getting his eyes poked out) 071128 ... someone or other unhinged, you made me cry thank you. You're right. i am only worried that i cannot give her all she deserves 071209 ... someone or other is not a guy, and she is nothing like my sister =D 071209 ... unhinged sorry definitely not my intention to make you cry sometimes just i_feel_cheated_by_everyone_i_know and boy do i know the pain of bobbi bach_goddess 071209 ... unhinged and you don't know unless you try and maybe she is sitting across from you everyday wondering what she did to deserve such a great and wonderful you to look at and love and make pancakes for 071209 ... someone or other it is completely incomprehensible to me how a person can be as amazing as you and like me 071220 ... hsg *for whom to make pancakes :P 071221 ... someone or other she: i love you i: maybe i don't know? she: it's okay. i: okay. i am maybe scared of this word called love but... maybe. you loving me is not a problem, i guess =) more than not a problem. much more 080102 ... pSyche Unhinged... thank you so very much. I'd been searching for that answer for a very long time now. 080103 ... Emptyness_Alive and i cant say no to you but this time i must 080103 ... no one and nothing once someone showed me what color is then they took it away again, i would prefer not to know at all than to know what i am missing, it i the same as letting some one off a life sentence and then turning around and saying it was a mistake, i would prefer not to know, i would prefer to rot in hell than to know. 080103 ... unhinged psyche, you are welcome so very much. being a libra, hopeless romantic, pisces, super sensitive and giving to a fault, i had spent so much of my life miserable in love. and then i turned to religion and i learned the truth that love_is_pain and effectively learned how to deal with love's place in my life. love is a gift. being in love with someone whether they love you or not is a gift. watching the love you have for someone transform their life, even if only in small baby steps, is a gift. feeling the love of someone transform your life is a gift. and it is a fleeting gift. but it is still an awesome gift. i usually have too much love for everyone else and never enough for myself. i have so much love for others that i feel like they can never use it all, that it is wasted. but i learned how to use the leftovers that they couldn't or wouldn't use for myself. to just bask in that feeling and not think of why or how. it's hard for some reason for most of us to accept love. but it's really just as simple as seeing the other side of the coin. on_contentment i love him. our relationship isn't really what i want it to be. but the what why and how don't really matter. all that matters is he makes me forget to be sad. he makes me smile and i can feel my face dimple. so i try to focus on that instead. yes, maybe there is still a part of me unfulfilled but when i'm actually with him there is no time or space to feel that. just love. 080104 ... hsg so many layers of fear. love_takes_practice. fear of being hurt, hurting another. fear_of_being_truly_loved. 080104 ... hsg grr..(ur)..attitude is a gift. 080104 ... unhinged love is not the answer the answer is within you ray_lamontagne 080104 ... jane yeah, love (like life) is a piece of shit when you look at it but always look on the BRIGHT side of life and you'll be o.k. so long as you don't go psychotic that is, don't be so stupid as to lose your mind. 080104 ... jane i didn't write that. 080105 ... hsg real_love_is_the_answer so many things are called love which are not love. 080105 ... hsg i didn't write that. 080106 ... unhinged 'last night as i was sleeping, i dreamt.... that i had a beehive here inside my heart. and the golden bees were making white combs and sweet honey from my old failures.' --- antonio machado 080106 ... anythingbutcryptic because youre about twenty years older than me, you pedophile. 080127 ... unhinged cause i don't exist to him that way and it's starting to tear me into little pieces 080127 ... unhinged nine_months_ago he moved to florida. but he has come back several times since for a funeral, to tour with his old band from here. the last time he was in town to start a tour, i told him it was nice to see him happy again, that he should always be that way, that he would have always been that way with me. then i kissed him (!) no tongue, sloppy drunk, i was dating another boy at the time, he has a girl in florida. but then i guess there was never a right time. all those years i spent loving him in secret, it was something i couldn't contain anymore. i could tell him anything. when i was with him i forgot to be sad. years; strange thought. last week he came back to town for the end of the tour. he was upset because his girlfriend in florida was mad at him; oh anthony. my heart still thinks you should be with me and we should make an army of musical babies in a cabin in the woods somewhere. the way you said ' i_miss_you ; call me' broke my already fractured heart a little. 100601 ... unhinged (he is still with that girl from florida and i am still alone. i am too tired to feel disappointed anymore, but every year that stretches by without anyone to share my life with makes me feel more inadequate) 150409 ... tail-devouring snake The only reason I returned to LA was you asked me to come babysit my brother for a few weeks while you were away. I was looking for work and creating my life in WA. You then told me I needed a job, and then gave me a month to get on my feet. I struggled in poverty in LA for years, until finally giving in to your pushes that I go to graduate school, that the debt didn't matter, it was what was needed for the next step of my life. I went to graduate school, on student loans. At the end, when you found out the amount of student debt I had, you were surprised and told me to "be careful". After graduating you then didn't help me at all, only 6 months later offered your advice that I was fucking up and heading toward homelessness. Your love for me is wrong and has set me up to fail. Your love for me means being crippled and dependent. Your love for me means leading me astray. 150514 ... tail-devouring snake You told me you would help me with my undergraduate loans, that you made me get, ever since I graduated 10 years ago. Every time I have brought it up, you stall me and do nothing. No help. You paid for my brother's even more expensive education out of pocket, and he has no debt. Same for my sister. You told me you would help me with a home down payment. You've been telling me for years. When I asked you if that was still an offer, you stalled me, then told me I made it up. You never would have said that. It's never been in your plans, you don't know why I would say that you said that. In fact, I am in a bad mood and so I am making it up so I have something to be mad at you about. You tell me my stepdad has hated me since I was a child. You tell me it's been bad for a long time. I don't know if this is true, or if you wanted to just agree with whatever I was asking, or if you wanted to hurt me. You tell me it's my fault because I am so difficult and don't take responsibility for myself. You tell me I'm selfish. I'm making bad choices. And then you act like it never happened. You try to manipulate me, but it doesn't work anymore! Not for long, anyway. You lie, you lie, you lie. 160530 ... unhinged ( i_give_up i'm a hermit now) 160910 ... unhinged ( i_give_up again is going back to being a hermit again) 180625 ... unhinged (my first post here has an dramatic_irony a_curious_resonance in my own life at the moment that is deafening) im not sure i need to know what you are looking for if it isn't me 190513 what's it to you? who go blather from