on_contentment unhinged i have a good job that is well paid that affords me plenty of extra time to take care of myself and create i have a good roommate that pulls his weight around the house with minimal prodding my health is relatively great i have plenty of happy memories to cheer me up when i'm blue my smile is nice to look at (so i should use it more) my family is whole again my brother's girlfriend is coming to visit my parents for new years my students have taught me a profound lesson in the value of trying, patience, persistence, letting someone help you when you need it the wind and sunshine on my skin today felt like the affection i've been waiting for i'm a stronger swimmer than i used to be 070911 ... unhinged i played an awesome gig on saturday. a solo wedding gig, and i shredded it. many people pointedly thanked me for my 'wonderful playing' and it paid good too. i feel like i could do anything. 070920 ... Lemon_Soda Nice. 070920 ... Kuffsleeve if you are content, you need no one, well thank god for that. 070920 ... unhinged (actually i do need somebody. i need somebody so bad it's ripping a hole inside me again. but this page is my attempt to count my blessings rather than 'dwell in my disasters ( ray_lamontagne )) 070920 ... camille sof smile....kudos unhinged! 070921 ... unhinged i got good hugs and platonic kisses from q last night 071005 ... unhinged i decided to leave the show and take the bus because i've been battling a cold for weeks and he made me hug him. i took full advantage of said hug and he screamed in my ear 'i love you.' i was so suprised i pulled away from the hug sooner than i wanted to and looked at him and said 'i love you too.' i smiled all the way home. tell someone you love them. you might make them smile. 071103 ... unhinged last night was like old times; the living on my savings just dropped out of school partying with dudes times. i danced my ass off. 'all i wanna do is dance.' 'bet you didn't think i knew how to rock and roll i got the boogie woogie right down in my very soul there's no need for me to be the wallflower cause now i'm living on blues power' and......AND drum roll please *tattattattat* i am going to see modest_mouse tonight FUCK YEAH 071110 ... unhinged you make me forget to be sad; everything is easy with you. i want to tell you everything. everything that's hard for me to say. i want to see the world with you, through you, because of you. my smile doesn't feel like a deception anymore. oh glorious day when there are only scars to show for all the sadness. this year, that is what i'm thankful for. when the good finally comes back around. 071122 ... hsg it's all "good" in a gooder sorter way. it'soul good. 1) count_your_blessings -you're on a rightrackeep going friend. talk with my buddy Og; he's gothookup withe blooming_knowledge. 2) proclaim_your_rarity 3) go_another_mile 4) use_wisely_your_power_of_choice 5) do_all_things_with_love 071123 ... unhinged so many cigarettes so many stories my brother's in town and it's christmas aaaaahhhh 071224 ... unhinged the long thaw is almost done the piles of snow almost gone no more ice in the past week i've seen more of the sun than i expected soon soon the crocus will pop up in the frontyard 080317 ... unhinged your_smile still makes me forget to be sad. to bask in it for a couple of hours, the rest of it just melts away. i just have to remind myself that's all that matters, that that is good enough. (and the reminding proof of some deeper need) 080425 ... unhinged i've just realized that i have plenty of reasons to be proud of myself. that i should be. and that i should get my ass out in the world and go after what i want. that my obsession with what other people think of me and what i do doesn't matter anymore. i am so glad that i didn't give_up on the violin. i'm not sure how honestly. but i'm glad i know i have that kind of tenacity in me now. 080506 ... unhinged the perfect_weather is here right now good food good music good people good city good memories 080624 ... unhinged at least it's not 100 degrees out. that summer definitely sucked balls, sweaty dirty ones. 080717 ... unhinged oh and did i mention in little over a week i'm moving out of the student ghetto to a wonderful location closer to my job that is going to be mine all and only mine? i'm not just content about that; i'm outright giddy 080717 ... unhinged the little girl that gave me flowers as i walked past her house the mother and daughter that gave me a ride home when they found out i was taking the bus the massage kelly gave me today. damn john_cougar_mellancamp perfect_weather lately feeding birds the extra rye toast from my tempeh reuben on the patio at beans and barley my new beauteously comfy italian bra (what is it exactly with italians and their underwear?) sharing a bed with him, waking up in the chill, and him putting the covers over me without realizing i was awake (this list turned out longer than i thought) 080826 ... daxle I feel more content just from reading this :) 080827 ... unhinged realizing i'm a better, happier person than i'd ever thought i'd be new_tonglen 081117 ... unhinged the perfect_weather unexpected at this time of year all the kids i made smile today that i am doing well at work right now that my family is healthy 090208 ... unhinged gin and jeans that fit and cute boys that play drums and like radiohead and hickey_outrage i am happy today. (had to mark it on the calendar) 090404 ... unhinged i have learned how to focus on the good. i have learned the true power of a smile, a deep down smile of contentment. i have learned to find contentment in simple things like sunshine and helping and loving. years ago, i wouldn't have been able to handle the turmoil in my life right now. maybe it is growing_up, maybe it is my renewed dedication to my religion and finally becoming part of a sangha. maybe, just maybe, i am a better version of myself than i used to be. i will not lash out today i'm gonna smile smile at the impermanence of the clouds that float away just as easily as they float in oh yeah, and my brother is moving to sf in exactly two months. my brother is coming back to the mainland. HELL YES 091019 ... unhinged that even as my heart was breaking, i grabbed a cup of coffee and sat in the quad watching a family with two toddling twins play in the sunshine with bubbles and couldn't help but be uplifted by those real heartfelt baby smiles 100320 ... unhinged standing at the busstop on the first truly warm, sunny day of the year, letting the wind blow through my hair, my skin warmed by the sunshine my lips let go of a smile and when i finally got home i did my yoga for the first time in months 100401 ... unhinged songs_of_milarepa 100713 ... unhinged sunshine sweat hot water motherfucking warmth decent summertime employment being near him again if_only for a short time ( i am used to the long_distance_love ) 100716 ... unhinged i have an awesome family the beer is so good in the town that i live that they shrunk 40s down to 22s. 22 is my lucky number 100907 ... unhinged i'm a stronger swimmer than i used to be 100907 ... unhinged i do not have to be stuck i do not have to be unhappy flip_the_switch tomorrow could be too late 120130 ... unhinged after years of half_assed meditation practice it seems to be my default; miles away from where i was a decade ago physically and emotionally. acceptance i am beautiful just the way i am. anyone that thinks otherwise can fuck off *shrugs* my first reaction might still be anger but my wise reaction is love 141101 ... unhinged i am better at finding happiness anywhere i am still single. i still hate it. but after the last couple guys i've dated, i would rather be alone. i am meditating and doing yoga in my half_assed almost regular fashion again. taking a class on the sadhana_of_mahamudra starting monday. brainstorming ideas for advertising hoping to get forward motion going on that when i have the energy. taking care of myself cause no one else is going to. i vacillate between contentment and fear i am toddling down the dimly lit road the stretches i can support myself without falling are becoming measurable adjustments needed_reminders quiet_realizations 151107 what's it to you? who go blather from