i_feel_cheated_by_everyone_i_know kuffsleeve its a bit scary not knowing whether you are insane or not, and i am still wondering if this is all in my head, can you imagine what that feels like? i can't go to work with people that treat me like a fool because i will become one. 071112 ... unhinged everything swirling in my head my heart trying to go outwards when i see, feel the sadness in others a strange defect in me always have wanted to help others first instead of working on what i should be i used to send letters voicemails postings on messageboards always sending outwards love for others 'hey i miss you today' 'hey that show last night rocked my balls off' 'hey where are you?' and eventually when all i got in return was silence i stopped and not only did i keep the bad bottled up inside but all my love too and some that know me might say that that's good that i kept some for myself but not really doesn't work that way the intention doesn't change just because the intended don't give a fuck do you ever think about me? write poems about me? think of dialing my number? do you see something you have associated with me that reminds you of me? i forgot how to follow through when the anger at what i felt like i let everyone else reduce me to was nothing more than silence (and a real hug takes both arms wrapped around hearts touching for a couple more seconds than comfortable because we both are alive even when we would like to forget that fact that those around us also have hearts that bleed) i remember when i used to make myself bleed for you but_still i_am_alone petulant self_indulgent constricted everything in me screaming for just one curious investor 071112 ... :P make sure you sell your shares before they start printing money like it has no value! now, do you want a boomerang or a yo yo? 071112 ... yoink i read that about 5 times, unhinged i think i can feel it right now 071112 ... unhinged when i crystallize my anger into words it feels good getting out of me (hey yoink....what is up?) 071112 ... yoink not much, just enjoying the fact that i can wax poetic without being poetic just saying weird shit instead of doing work ...and still in awe about this whole site and how i've been putting shit here for more than 6 years 071112 ... ? Would you rather feel_known_by_everyone_you've_cheated? 071112 ... axis of weasel at some point, whether or not it is true now, it may come to pass that you will have, to some degree, in some way or another, been cheated by everyone you know. but... it will not happen all at once, and you will only truly realize it in hindsight. by that point, whatever angst the realization causes you will be short-lived and then you will either merely shrug your shoulders, or even laugh your arse off. in the meantime, having been there once or twice, i can relate. 071113 ... unhinged i think the only way to stop this is to keep sending out my love, unrecognized or not. to stop making choices that hurt people, especially myself. i can think of a few people i've cheated. and i feel sorry for that. but the only thing to do now is keep going without the bad. right intention right speech right action right life 071113 ... minnesota_chris right turns, no need to stop 071211 ... unhinged . tonglen ( oh the beautiful idealism of my pre_buddha days) 100601 what's it to you? who go blather from