david_and_leigh_iii fyngula "and what i really need," david said, sipping an espresso romano at his outdoor seat in the bowels of paris in the morning. sun danced upon the puddle surfaces of an overnight shower, young lovers racing to get home before discovered. "is what makes me bleed. another girl's paradise." and so david retold this story to the woman at the counter, a beauty his age that warned him to stay away from the pursuit of entanglements, but continue nevertheless for the sense of adventure. "in the back of a new dutch pick-up truck there sat two gorgeous young lasses, " david began, taking a drink. "they were resting from their trip from burgundy, then across france." somehow they paused somewhere near david's flat in the parking lot of a petrol station. "first i noticed them standing, talking on a public fone. and obviously i noticed how beautiful they were." so david drove past them staring and visited the neighbouring station. halfway into filling his tank, he stopped, fearing he would waste an opportunity. maybe they would leave. he could create the scene when the kind man comes by offering assistance. "bon jour," david says approaching them. they are american, from illinois, near naperville and chicago. they speak only little french. david quickly changed back to english and asked if they needed help with directions. "no, thank you," the one who was nicknamed "crack" said. she looked like natalie portman. when david stared at her she asked him, "what's up?" 030719 ... frAnk david noticed her t-shirt said "ben kweller" and he knew him as an american indie singer/songwriter. so he told her he once saw him at a show in the states. he asked them if they needed money. they said no. he bid them a farewell and raced back to his vehicle. he could hear them giggling. when he was finished at the station, he drove around and noticed they were still there. this was when they were sitting in the back of the truck. he got out and presented thm with his journal and a tin of caran d'ache watercolour crayons. the other girl named joy bliss, (i kid you not) was the artist. she became lost in her painting of a faerie that looked like her. david told them his story of leigh and karago, of the accidental murder, of his fugitive state. crack listened with intensity. she was mesmerized at the balance of david's emotions and how he seemed to study his life as if it were a creation by the genuis no one knows about yet. he told her of his father's death and of the hole that sucks reality like a vortex out of his imagination. he let them listen to damien rice on his i-pod. they loved "volcano" from his debut record. they said they would have to get it. david loved the look of concentration on their faces when they listened. crack signed the journal and said that david was an inspiration. he left them then. it seemed he had made love to them with his interest. 030719 ... unhinged it was about the time that the crackhead would be ambling on by past her porch and leigh felt obligated to leave the house. she knew he was right. she knew she was addicted to weed. but she didn't want to be a sorry addict. because you could still be an addict and have a functional life. those were the kind of addicts everywhere that people left on their merry way; the guy that worked the third shift at the gas station, the teenager who was in retail at the mall, the woman who taught third grade at the local elementary school. they were all functional addicts so no one cared to notice that they had a problem. but when you sat on your porch and a crackhead told you you needed to get out of the house, you needed to get out of house. she jumped in the car and drove up to the draught house. of course, she ordered a jack 'n' coke. she sat in the same seat that she was sitting in when she saw natalie for the first time. she was waiting for her to walk in the door again. she sat there for an hour and had three drinks. no natalie. she got up and went to the plaza cafe. she wasn't sure what day it was but it must have been the weekend because there were plenty of college kids all over the bar. she noticed a kid standing by the jukebox that lived across the street from her. he felt her staring and looked up. she was working on her fifth drink of the night by this point. 'hey. don't you live across the street from me?' she nodded. 'you sit on your porch a lot. you got a thing for the chronic?' she nodded. 'you get good stuff?' she nodded. 'can you talk?' 'ooohhh...yeah. sorry. i'm getting kind of drunk. i was hoping i would run into someone here tonight but i'm not seeing her.' 'aahh. could i bum a smoke?' she handed the guy a cigarette. 'thanks. me and my dudes are about to bust. i'm sure i'll see you back on the street.' 'later days.' she lifted her hand up slightly off the bar in a strained wave. she looked at the clock and it was midnight and she was too drunk. she dug her cell phone out of her purse and dialed natalie's number. 'uuummm...hi nat. yeah it's leigh. i'm at the plaza. i'm pretty drunk. yeah. uuummm...yeah. yeah, i don't think i can drive. mhm. i would like to try that again.' she left the bar and sat on the stone picnic table outside waiting for her. when she saw her jeep cherokee pull up her heart flopped over. 030719 ... fyngula david wanted to be with leigh. she was the only thing that could fill the deep, black hole inside of himself. yet, she was a bridge on fire and to cross over her again meant the risk of being burned alive. and so david_in_paris, as it now existed as a term, was to those who knew him--- a time of reckless abandon when his breath smelled of burgundy and diesel skunked mightily. he pursued girls and women like one searches for mushrooms in the shady woods, where he steps amongst the moss-lined paths of knobby roots and the whisper of faeries and sprites. he found some to be willing to kiss immediately, others that kissed but once, and then those who left their fragrance upon his pillow like flowers, freshly arranged in the vase on the table where light falls on a journal yet to be opened. inside an image of life begging to be lived now for the adventure. for there will rise a sun announcing the end of this journey. a fork in the road, a new sign pointing in a different direction. david was in love with himself and because of it he will love all others even more. 030722 ... frAnk david was driving towards his temporary home where he shared a flat with vichy and simone. along the way, he saw a small group of french schoolchildren playing and riding bikes. sensing some sort of possible amusement, he turned around and entered the open gates of a former glass factory, later turned furniture wharehouse. tires on gravel until his citroen rested, engine purring. the children looked in his direction. david, his senses awakened by the wine he had just finished, pointed at them as if he wanted to single one out and engage them in conversation. several boys pointed to themselves thinking they were the one this unique stranger wanted. for david attracted a bemused attention. when a person gazed upon his tanned face and theo eyeglasses, his buzzboy haircut, and his adolescent t-shirts, they saw a child inside a man's body, yet not trapped, but dancing around him like a clown with an obedient, little circus dog. it wasn't a boy david wanted. it was the one girl he could see. she was naturally blonde and stood taller than the rest, for she was slightly older. perhaps thirteen, but more like twelve. she was just beginning to develop the rosebuds of her young breasts. she stretched innocently and david's eyes feasted on the supple, taut form of her arching limbs and yearning torso. her white singlet rose, revealing her belly, pierced. she pointed to herself, paint-chipped fingernail pressed to her heart beating slightly faster. david nodded. she blushed to herself. and took several steps up to where david waited. she stood about ten feet from him when she approached. david drank in her youth and beauty like one sips prossecco on the brick patioes of a summer in milan. david recited lines as though from nabokav's lolita, improvising an authority that demanded respect, even though his intentions were to intensely gaze into her eyes. and he smiled instead and she blushed as if he had kissed her. she looked down at the ground like she was embarrassed, but there was no reason to for she had become an instant goddess. this is what david worshipped: beauty in all forms. 030722 ... unhinged they ended up heading to a dennys in a neighboring town. they talked til five in the morning. drunk with her tongue slightly loosened, she told natalie a lot of things. she told her about david. she told her about karago. she told her how david had killed karago. but she left all her writing out of the picture. even though she didn't think natalie was the type to pursue her because of something like that, she didn't want to be her dark mystery girl. she had played that route with too many other people and it always ended badly. people just got sick of depression in the end. it was just an act to them; a lack of light that could be fixed by turning on a switch. but she refused to go to the doctor and get her switch so she stayed in darkness. and right now, things were very dark. but natalie seemed to understand that. she told leigh about her battles with the same thing. how illness like that ran in her family. a few people in her family had committed suicide. how she needed weed to function. but through all natalie's stories, leigh had to concentrate very hard at wiping the smile off her face at seeing someone so beautiful sitting in front of her. talking to her. treating her like she was human, maybe even more than human. but mostly human. they went back to natalie's house and smoked a bowl. natalie handed her some pajamas and then kissed her on the cheek. they laid down in the bed and natalie gathered her up in her arms and waited for her to fall asleep. she didn't flinch at the tears that streamed down leigh's face. these beginnings were so different from anything else, that leigh's subconcious went into shock. this was what she had wanted for so long. and everything inside trembled. she was bracing herself for the disappointment. but slowly the drugs put her to sleep. numb 030723 ... Nikita F O R E V E R numb. Maybe just happy. 040317 what's it to you? who go blather from