jennifer all twisty
tangly inside
a maze of desire
I looked through photos
smiling and remembering
if this is all real
and I am the lucky one...
if it's not
and I am alone once more
it will be fine
I just wish I could know
asshole like i did something wrong. i'm sure i did, but i know i can't change it. it's like, even if i did, i don't know. so can i really be sorry for what i've done? i am upset at any pain that i may have caused, but it's really out of line (in line with my me-ness though) for me to think that i had enough power to actually effect this woman.

so, she makes me feel like an asshole. when i'm with her, or away from her. i've reserved to not feeling like an asshole, so i'm okay with being away from her, and eventually, being away from her will translate into just being. as it did before there was a her.

and, the worst part about it is that i know that i'm not to be with her, and i have no problems being away from her, just with feeling like an asshole.

self-serving asshole that i am.
silentbob Like i am suddenly significant in the world, like i am deserving of being loved, touched, appreciated

Without her i am weak. without her attention i am nothing.

I have a strong gusty windy feeling going through me and when she speaks to me it's like getting blasted with a ray of sunshine
birdmad depends on which "she" you are referring to

if samantha:

like John Hurt in the infamous breakfast table scene in Alien except for the fact that i seem to have survived with this gaping chest wound

if Katrina:

like an idiot schoolboy in the throes of his first crush

all tied in knots and twisted
nervous when she walks by
and all third-degree-popsicle-melted when she smiles at me

but now i know to keep my mouth shut, my expression straight and my defenses up

shiva like getting hit by a train 010731
unhinged confused in love

damn love. seriously. i'm sure the cave man had life so much easier.
Gollum hmmmmmm, errrrr, horny? 010731
translucent She makes me feel like I am enough. She makes me happy. She stomps on my emotions. She breaks my heart. I love her. 010824
the eye alive again 010824
silentbob Like i must be pretty worthless for caring at all about her since she hates her life so much. dreadful. 010824
echo like im worth something 010824
)-( stupid and ugly and unwanted 011002
starved confused, mostly

in the last two and a half months i have run the spectrum from desparate to ecstatic and all the way back again

starting to feel like i am only a pretender to that place in her heart where i had hoped to be

everything i do or say is wrong and when i try to get close i get cut to ribbons on the edges of the shadow of the one she loved before

i know who you're wishing for, my dear, and i know it isn't me

the postcard greeting phrase seals my fate

bijou like a vehicle 011004
----- howyouremindme 011005
bijou She's got a way to make everything seem okay, but the next day, that okay gives me the cold shoulder. Keep Caroline in the house tonight. 011006
)-( by the way, thanks mom.


(she wonders why i tell my kids she's evil)
god with my hands 011115
unhinged unimportant
like the obligatory person who's always there
like an afterthought
rip like i mean some thing to her and not an object just to be thrown away after a week. also like she knows everything before i even think it 011116
ClairE Like I am old, because I loved her for three years and never said a word.

We are still best friends.
shiva hopeless.

i am the last on her list, and she is the first on mine. i know where she is, and it is not with me. and i just want it to be the way it was the day we met. why doesn't anything i have last an appreciable amount of time? goodness!
ClairE like lemon cookies
and the smell of summer grass

and whatever feeling that brings

she only makes me feel in dreams.
whoknows like shit 011204
whoknows what_the_fuck_dude!!!!! 011204
Casey like i will never measure up or be someone 011204
Jol curiously
Jenna When we are alone, talking, I feel loved.

But standing next to her in a group makes me feel ugly.

And fat.

shiva lightheaded and numb in the extremities. 020112
downcast eye higher than stars on some occasions

indescribably low on others
kelli crane like i owe her something.
like i'm disposable.
like i owe her something.
guilty, because i am.
like throwing furniture around the house.
like breaking her neck.
like never speaking to her again.
fuck you like death 020113
DavesHeroinGirl Oh.. how I would love for you to blather here. 030124
hey now! like im actually worth loving 030124
Logan Like I matter or like shit...there is no in between to how she makes me feel. Worthless to precious in the flip of her hair...the world to the sewer in a blink of her eye. So little sets her off, so little gets through. I'm just struggling at knowing what to do. 030125
silentbob like what i want doesn't matter
like what i need is stupid and childish
words and dreams and a million screams oh how i need a hand in mine to feel
phil she makes me feel a
new type of depressed,
one more full bodied
less questionable
higher consistency,
who knows what it can
do to me over time
ClairE I was sitting in the dining hall, early evening, eating cut peppers with my fingers. It was silent. I watched as a girl walked by and left around the corner.

The memory of her body instead slid into my mind. A snapshot of her sitting beside me three days ago, her body under that gray shirt. At the same time the taste of green pepper hit my mouth, and that is how she makes me feel.

The taste is sweet and crisp and light and direct, and the thought of her image traveled down to my stomach and back up to dissipate somewhere near my chest.

"This is somewhere between apprehension and excitement," I thought. I searched for the word until it came to me. Anticipation.

I rolled around the idea without saying anything more until it was gone. There were no words in the dining room. October gently drew the evening grayer and I headed home with gladness in my heart.
karl the weed happy- and apparently the minority 031028
reue jealous, afraid, smile, shiver, anticipated, frozen, fluid, rambling, aggitated, furious, broken-down, pissed, taken aback, mean, scared, gentle, jaded, weary, feeble, butterflies, euphoric, joyous, fierce, lighthearted, calm, worried, rejected, solace, triumph, windfall, slipping, catching, hoop-jumping, realization, show, begging, acomplished, used up, undone, wrapped up, flawless, blemished, tarnished, valuable, counter-productive, selfish, giving, warm, passionate, lustful, timid, gracious, mornful, irresponsible, stupid, eeore, pleased...... so alive

i love her for it
thank you so much
. not good enough 031030
doar mud 031030
ClairE To put it succinctly, she_still_makes_me_tremble.

To say it again, the same as always.

To look backwards, to look forwards, she is the hyacinth_girl.
Syrope lets just say
i'm not surprised she didn't show
the eye depending on the moment and the circumstances, it's been any emotion in the spectrum 040709
seventeen inadequate 040709
puredream How does she make you feel? 040709
Doar castaway 040710
sahba very very uncertain about myself 040710
pete like i'm not alone 040711
silentbob frustrated, confused, a little self_loathing, like life can be all at once wholly beautiful and wholly horrible 040726
flip how can you people express so easily? so few words and so much meaning. i just can't figure it out 040910
pete "like i'm not alone" i said two months ago. how does she make me feel today, this morning, at 3.20 am?

like i am very much alone, drowning in a dose of apathy, and not caring as the air fills my lungs past capacity.

she makes me feel like her existance and the emotions that her existance brought about within me were merely a figment of my summer.
love & hate there are no words...
i'm hopelessly in love.
bird like a motherfucker from hell

( )
drkmotives Like a monster, like the most horrible person ever, like what I say, or need doesn't matter, like I'll no ome will ever like me because I'm worthless.

Yeah, she's great, isn't she?
ever dumbening frustrated 041216
smurfus rex like a runner-up.

Second place is the first loser.

dreamer like i did something to upset her
as if i am her world
like i am not enough
as if without me, she'd die
like i don't exist
as if the world is just us
like the pain won't stop
as if i've warmed her heart
like i shut her out
as if life is amplified
like i don't deserve hope
as if we can be more than hope
pubescent alive, adventorous, ambitious, happy, the most amazing person in the world 050301
stork daddy positively fetal zeus. 050302
love & hate so fucking angry right now that she is back on drugs. Back to that old self who never had any real friends, just friends who wanted to score off her. As angry as i am, i know she doesn't deserve all the horrible thoughts which i have going through my head at all times that will end up happening to her. I can do no more, she has pushed me aside as the sweet temporary high is more important to her than life. Breathe your last breath baby, and i will watch as you soar. 050302
Kate Rose I don't have those kinds of feelings for, I can't say.. 050706
highanddry worthless 050706
who i am doesnt matter anymore she makes me feel alive.
she makes me feel beautiful.
she makes me feel a love ive never felt before.
she makes me feel not so alone in this world.
she makes me feel complete.
she makes me feel calm.
she makes me feel like the most amazing girl alive.

this girl is my heart, her blood runs threw it.

i dont know how long i can handle not being with her.

every phone call kills me when i hear her voice and i realize she wont be at my house when i get home from work or that i wont be waking up to the best friend ive ever had.

i love u britt.
highanddry How do I make you feel? 060612
. Used. Foolish. Tired. Frustrated. Disappointed. Replaced.

Like lacing up my running shoes and getting the hell away fast.
In_Bloom She's always waiting to tell me, "I could've told you so" 090209
grendel there have been a lot of different "she"-s along the way

the outcome has - even in spite of the strident claims of some regarding their uniqueness and individuality - been pretty consistent.

Since then, i've wised up a good deal however...not saying i don't have my momentary backslides...just saying i don't give anyone that kind of power over my heart_and_soul anymore
unhinged like i'm the most important person in her world; until i hear her say the same thing to someone else. 090210
. Like a life in disruption.

(Why didn't you just let me be?)
fghio fghio 101116
what's it to you?
who go