not_the_blather_youre_looking_for peyton it's dark outside.. midnight now or a bit past times like these before I would be just getting going.. times like these now I'm shutting down my eyes hurt I guess we're all still slaves to human acknowledgement, though I'm not sure what kind is my flavor I've been reading about David Blaine.. he seems a lot like Sean.. lots of spirituality.. Sean makes me feel empty sometimes because he is so full of spirit. I feel like a shell. Whenever I see the word "shell" I think of chocolate syrup that hardens when you put it on ice cream. my fingers hurt because I tear the skin off from around my nails.. just like mommy used to do when I was small.. it isn't bad.. you'd hardly even notice.. I hardly make them bleed anymore I don't know why I feel like Elizabeth Wurtzel is my ex-girlfriend. But we had such a horrible break up, her and I. I'm 3/4 of the way through her book and I finally realize I don't want to hear anymore of her crap. I miss my blue blather from a long time ago I'm not sure if it's the blather I miss, or the way my life was then.. or what. I really can't tell. I remember living in that small room in Japan.. living on rice and chicken.. the beautiful snow at night.. empty parking lots with the snow tickling my ears. white on black tapestries so beautiful they would make you cry. every step an exercise in virginity. I miss Alanora and Aelric. I can't be them. I wonder if Alanora misses me. Even if she is a guy. Jason something.. My fingers are dry I'm sleepy.. but I don't want to give up the day yet. I guess now is my cue to say something inspirational or beautiful. But I don't know what that is. I wonder which is worse.. to be ruined, or just created ugly and imperfect. Blather just brings out something.. deep sometimes 031013 ... jane i understand. blather used to be this magical place, maybe you're right, it was the way my life was at the time. i was so intimidated i was afraid to write anything. for a whole year i just read people's insights & poetry. printed out pieces i liked & stuck them in my notebook, as if they were a private beach i had discovered. finally, i wrote. i was still intimidated. it has changed. like us, blather is an evolving organism that revolves around those who create it. and changes us as well 031013 ... ClairE Right now I'm at a point where I'm trying to accept my life rather than struggle against it, and it's working out well. When I first come back to blather I read a bunch, and then I get sucked into doing a small session, and then I start getting into it all over again. Then the tide turns and I remember all the frustration and grievances that come along with this blue place. I'm left sitting in the sand and I make my way back to my life. But still I come back and visit. Blather cannot fail at being what I seek, because I expect to be surprised. I once read this: "[A]fter a while, you realize you can never go home. Eventually, home becomes a place in your heart that you never forget. At least you can always take it with you, no matter where you end up." I like to leave this place feeling comforted. It's fall where I live. The leaves are just starting their magnificent turn. Everyone I talk to is moving into a new space in their lives. Even the new pen_pal I barely know ended his last e_mail with the line "Things change. Things are changing." I am glad that blather did indeed change my life. It was a plow cutting through sod, upturning the very ground beneath me. It's springtime. 031014 ... logburningfire change. we're all changing everyday. our identities change at blather. they have to. because they chart our growth. you are a piece of fruit to nourish someone spiritually. 031014 ... Grace I change as I read these chronicles of the soul. These testaments to society. An ocean of discovery that grips my heart and demands attention. I have found Midnights Children. What blame is crushing my existence? What snaking hatred that eats me inside out, turning my eyes black and my mouth red with the foaming fear of darkness. I want to be safe, I want to be free. 031014 ... User24 I don't talk to people socially, I have one friend, Adam, who I only know via Linds, and although he's nice, I woudn't class him as a 'best friend', in other words, I'm socially retarded, I blathe instead - almost all my interaction with humanity is done via blather.newdream.net, which is quite sad. For me, blather is a track of my mood, I can look back at myself in a unique way; not just via faded memories, but by re-reading the words I said, I'd never say a lot of them now, probally because I have evolved. People always talk about blather changing - blather hasn't changed, it's still the same software, it still has the same potential as it always did. It's the residents that have changed, including you, maybe because we're used to it's ways, it's no longer as exciting, we talk freely with fellow blatherskites, instead of edging around them like mystical objects, as we did when we first discovered this place - take a look at yourself right now, imagine you've never blathed, never seen this website. You stumble across blather - do you stay or go? Are you just here through force of habit, I imagine that most of us are; we enjoy chatting, expressing ourselves, but we've become so used to being able to express ourselves in this way that it's not so special anymore. However, you can make blather 'better' yourselves; instead of idly wasting time, wait until you do 'have words', words that are worth writing, and words that are worth reading - you'll soon find that the old blather is still here, waiting for you to write in your old style, when you'd write what was important, because no-one did anything else. 031014 ... Spare Change This is the blather I looked for. I looked without knowing, without reason. I searched for a place to be listened to, a place to be understood. And blather listens with acceptance if not understanding. It knows me from years past, it knows how I've changed and blather remembers. The person I was last summer still dances in these pages and the tears I cried last week still stain the blue world. And I've changed so very much and so very little. And blather has changed with me. Blather lets me fit in and lets me stand out and it holds. And maybe someday thirty years from now, I will reach out to blather and it won't be there. But blather would still exist. In me and you and everyone who has painted their soul on this navy blue back drop. This is the blather I was looking for. 031014 ... peyton Why did you leave? Was it the reason I did? You can never leave, if you were really here in the first place 040401 ... megan blather has chronicled everything about me. from holden, to now beyond holden. from anerexic friends, to fights with friends. from growing up to realizing that i've been there for awhile already and just didn't know it. from happiness to pain, love to sex, parents to drugs, and back again, my words have been read by many, contemplated, perhaps thrown back, but my life has grown from this small town to the whole world. you can see my story. you can see almost everyone's story here. it's powerful. read people. read and understand. read and cry, read and smile, read and laugh. read and learn. read and love. blather blue has so much to offer. 040401 ... Mr. Marksman . 041008 ... Syrope god, blather knows everything about me. it's weird, because this WASN'T the blathe i was looking for, and i was just going to ramble in here about how it's weird to find old blathes and to think how people i know in real life who are reading along must think of me. it's so hard to convince someone that they're the best thing that ever happened to you when you've said that about so many other things before. "I wonder which is worse.. to be ruined, or just created ugly and imperfect."...i like it. maybe this IS what i was looking for... 041009 ... marked . 041009 ... peyton like slow spinning redemption 041101 ... magicforest is vindicated 041101 ... unhinged no more politico no more no more no more POLITICO STOP ........ let this goddamn election be over so i can make arrangements to move to canada if necessary 041102 ... Syrope i dont want us to be like them i dont but its just such a constant reminder things i cant have understand if i cant help but give in every now and then 041102 ... u24 's persona sits down and cries. 041107 ... Bespeckled There's something about reading this particular blathe and listening to Nancy Sinatra's "Bang Bang" that seems to suggest this moment was orchestrated. Blather, like the rest of you, knows a lot about me. It sits silently and loyally through my waxing and waning, my heavy writing days and my months of neglect. It is a quiet, accepting, loving thing. It hasn't been filled in on the last few months of my life, and things have developed pretty fast. I'll try to keep my dear blue friend more informed, for I love it, and I cherish it. And I think on some level we both need each other. 041107 ... peyton i've never needed anybody like this before 050814 ... peyton I wanted to say something, but it's much too early for that. 050818 ... icy . 050819 what's it to you? who go blather from