fuck_this_noise unhinged everything in my head buzzes and whirs 070415 ... Lucid shhh... listen to yourself ! it's quiet when you do. 070415 ... unhinged no_no it's never quiet when i listen to myself 070415 ... u24 have you tried meditation? it's a good stress-killer, when you have/make time. if you download the PDF linked at the bottom of the URL below, there's some good instructions on page 5. It's important to right-click and save the PDF, because viewing it online doesn't work. puremango.co.uk/wws_printable.pdf 070415 ... u24 whoops, I meant to paste this URL puremango.co.uk/cm_collected_knowledge_5.php The first one won't work. 070415 ... u24 also this page: denelder.com/ram-notes/ram07.html 070415 ... u24 although den elder is a bit too sparkly for my tastes, she does appear to know what she's doing. 070415 ... unhinged i have tried meditating and it does work, but i stopped meditating and doing yoga and all the other things that quieted my noise when i met him. i don't hang out with him anymore. now i just have to convince myself to start doing those things again. 070415 ... unhinged but the kind of meditations i have always done with the most success are not the kinds that get rid of the noise, but the kinds that silently observe it and turn it into something positive. i really do have too much of a monkey mind for zen to do much for me. tonglen it's one of my favorite meditations. and when i got into buddhism more seriously chanting also became a calming practice. 070415 ... u24 i need to read up on buddhist/yogic techniques. when i havemake time 070416 ... unhinged yeah, tantric or vajrayana meditations are the most effective for me. the tibetan book of living and dying by sogyal rinpoche various buddhist magazines like tricycle and buddhadharma and shambala sun the last time i was in borders they had the tibetan book of living and dying in the buy 2 get one free section. it was the new edition. i should have bought it. it is my root text. the light that finally cleared my path of all obscurations. my first tattoo is from that book. but really, thanks u24. i feel motivated to do my meditations and my yoga today. 070416 ... kuffsleeve FWUCK this.. i'm not going for that job tomorrow.. i'm too kuffed at the moment.. i don't like it. i'm so disapointed with myself already. i want to do more than sit on a phone and ask people for money.. i know it's for a good cause.. it's just... its frustrating.... i don't like asking people for money... they sould give out of their free will not because some charity asks them to. i can do more than that... but i'm not doing more than that... i'm a looser... i want to do more... so i won't do anything... whats all that about... i feel ashamed. 070416 ... u24 ask the charity what percentage of donor's money actually ends up going to the country/cause involved. then ask them when their next ball/dinner is, and who pays for the venue, hotel rooms etc. ask to see the room service bills of the top dog in your charity. ask how much he/she gets paid. see how many cars all the top execs have. charities are a scam. sure they do a little good, some even do a lot of good, but in the end it's only a fraction of what they could do. Saw an interview the other day. some photographer had just come back from Darfur, won a bunch of awards. Poor old people cradling wounded young in their arms, very atmospheric. He'd been sent there by Oxfam to document the crisis. Why couldn't they save themselves the hire of that photographer and travel money and just use photos from last year's shoot? They held a big 'do' to show off his pictures. Looked like a bloody Oscars ceremony, all flowing dresses and earrings. The elite come to be seen at a charity gig. Makes me sick. Why didn't they just ask the aid workers to send some photos back with the next supply plane? They don't need to be nice glossy pictures. I'm sure the kid with half his leg blown off from a landmine doesn't care whether the composition is perfect or not. Such a waste of money. But what do I know? Maybe it is all worth it and they know best. Just seems a little strange to ship a photographer out there when they could have sent food. Of course it's not an either-or situation. They in fact do do a lot a good work there. According to their website "Oxfam’s programs in Darfur for the coming year—reaching over half a million people—have a budget of GBP £6 million (approx. US $12 million.)" That's £12 ($24) per person, per year, while Oxfam's website was produced by the same company who did MTV's. I guess all I'm saying is that there's Big Money to be made in charity. They're calling us up to donate and volunteer, but if they just went with tap water instead of evian at their next charity auction, perhaps they could use the difference in Sudan. 070416 ... u24 the cynic would ask you to consider what would happen if the charities actually succeeded in stamping out poverty... of course, even a perfect charity couldn't ever eradicate all poverty, but every crises solved is a source of revenue dried up. cheer up though, new ones are always coming along. 070416 ... ? so ... do you think i can do something better with my time? like love my neighbour ? i don't want to fuel the rich... i want to help the people that need help... many people do. can you answer me ? 070416 ... ? no wonder i get all kuffed whats going on... ? 070416 ... a better pass you know... i wouldn't need to work at a call centre .. if they would passs the ball better i would be able to catch it. .....then pass it well to the next... like a ripple... if you hog the ball... your team will lose and the hogger will be left with guilt. and what does guilt lead to ... its a negative ripple... it goes dark brown... like ... on over baked cake. 070416 ... u24 I've had many-a discussion over the best way to help people who need help. My personal issue is in deciding who needs help more. How do you choose between landmine victims, AIDS in Africa, kids who need schools, villagers who just sold the rights to their forest to a logging company for three bags of sugar when one tree might be worth over £4000* ... Then I realise that we're only borrowing the planet. Perhaps a green cause. But then which is more pressing; the rainforests or the production of chemicals? Nuclear power? If that's not enough of a headfuck for you, consider this: once you have decided, should you just sell everything you own and spend the rest of your life, say, digging wells and teaching kids. You'd probably do a lot more good becoming a lawyer and campaigning pro-bono in your spare time. But you'll feel less fulfilled. Why are you doing this, again? I don't know. I really don't. * tinyurl.com/252kb4 070416 ... Law. pro-bono ! cool... he sings to save the world ! we ony need fun, love and humor.. and a bit of simple sense... why are there so many books ? 070416 ... kuffsleeve . Turn your bomb off first.. and the world will copy you.. the way children copy each other. its called be brave. the cold war is over isn't it ? dismantle your atmomic bomb and put all the dismantled pieces in a big art gallery... sign your name next to it... you will not be remembered as a politcian but the greatest artist there ever was. you will turn the coin around and find there will be positive stories wriiten about you which over ride all the fcuk ups. it's not too late. do it .. i dare you ! . 070416 ... u24 I don't have an atomic bomb, otherwise I would. If I couldn't think of anything better to do with it, which I'm sure I could. and pro-bono is a phrase used when lawyers take cases for free. 070416 ... kate if you had an atomic bomb would you blow it ? why haven't they blown them already then ? they are just threatening each other. pro-Bono i'm pro- Bono and to me - he's a pro singer. 070417 ... u24 If I had an atomic bomb? What kind of question is that? Ok, let's suspend reality and imagine that somehow I manage to acquire an A-Bomb and the means of delivering it to whoever I wanted. What would I do? If I threatened anyone, i'd be killed, unless we're imagining that I also have a powerful army. So what could I do? As a regular citizen who just happens to have an A-Bomb in the loft. Well I think the question is just too bizarre to contemplate. Let's imagine that I owned a small, isolated country and had a powerful army and the A-Bomb. Let's call the country Eurasia. What would I do? I'd fucking blow someone up, that's what! Fuck em! muhahahaaaa! No, really, I don't know. I can't just drop myself into that position of power, it's like saying "imagine you were a serial killer" - I just can't put myself into that mindset. I would and will never own a small country with a loyal army and nuclear weapons, so I'm obviously not the sort of guy who's cut out for dictatorship. I don't really know what you mean by asking... North Korea has nuclear weapons and "delivery systems" capable of reaching (in theory) Alaska. Yes, it's a threat, but more than that it's a defence mechanism. Just like the north's hold over the south, and their intimacy with China, it's all designed to protect them from the US (and/or the western capitalist world in general). the US can't go into north korea because: a) they'd destroy south korea; the US wouldn't want south korean blood on their hands. Or at least, the international community would look down on the US if it did. b) NK is possibly crazy enough to use the nukes he has. nuff said. c) NK and china are close friends (though less close in recent years) - the US does NOT want to piss china off at the moment. that's just one example; i'm sure all the other nuclear countries have similar diplomatic reasons for their enrichment programmes. It's not simply a threat, it plays a part in a complex international game. None of the players can simply step down; once their in the club, things get so complicated that they can't leave. But who was talking about nukes anyway? wtf? and the cold war? yes, of course the cold war is over. But as Russia (with her oil and missile defence) gets a stronger grip on Europe, a new cold war is waiting in the wings. who are you people anyway? 070417 ... kuffsleeve Korea.. well i could say more if i had been there... but havn't seen it. there is nothing to say that they won't use that bomb. and it is an intelligent way to keep power... in a world that is unjust... there is always an S if people decide to be friends and not enemys... if the west stop being so greedy... i'm not as intelligent as the former... i do not have the knowledge of the history... or the political complexities... but i do know that past is past, present is present... and there is always an S. (Korean girl in gym... bright pink top with big heart on it.... so tall so beautiful... i was looking at her beauty... i think she thought i was judging her... i wasn't... i just liked her top) 070417 ... unhinged drunk boys dragging drunk boys away i_win 090409 ... h|s|g effing_fucking waterheater with no balls you costed me 4 dollars, US or so in killerwatt_hours to chop_wood_carry_water from the stove. fuck_this recycled laptop, wannabe_ewaste bullshit whatiloveabout_arting_with_trash taped board across tub and wall (btw fuck iPhone in its 5_mm hole) and secured laptop 3_inches_superior to impending doom. iphone_bitchassed_engineers decide to make a screen not sensitive_to_touch but temperature!! great.. uh you dont get out much do you? when my hands are cold, ie.. i_need_a_phone i have to stick my fingers in my armpits to use my phone... engineer_this (insert_middle_finger) on the other end, when I go to bathe after coming off of aforementioned mountain IF i'm even using that word correctly, the ambient steam fucks it up so it feels like it's being touched_all_over thank_odd these things are aerodynamically correct so i can throw them far, far beyond my ever having to see them again. friends_don't_let_friends_by_iphones ever. though this shelf works well. you knowhy? because i'm not a geekbitchengineer working(?) for aPple. i actually use my shit. in_fact a role of tape from a dollar_store just outPhunctioned iPhony. pHuck_you iPhone. now thishelf has a place for a bottle of wine... more than i can say for that phone. and this keyboardoesn't cover my screen. i work wit garbage and make shit shine.. why don't people who are working with gold make things that function beyond their private_little_hole? 110121 ... h|s|g friends_don't_let_friends_buy_iphones 110121 ... unhinged . 140610 what's it to you? who go blather from