stephen stephen me. 001029 ... silentbob King 001030 ... tiffany I love you...I think. At least I know I miss you, and I wait to hold you in my arms. 020329 ... tiffany I love you. But we didn't say goodnight, we said goodbye. 020410 ... Kate I know a guy named Stephen, and I hear that he always talks about this girl named Tiffany but always referred to as "Tif" or perhaps "Tiff". I always try to picture her in my mind, she must be exuberant and happy all the time, and hot with two t's. 020421 ... tiffany Stephen used to talk about me... (sigh) 020426 ... Kate I used to be talked about too. I wonder how long it has been since you even thought about me; I wonder if you have to think to look away, to smile only after you pass me. Today I watched you smile and talk to Tracee in the reflection of the glass picture frame on the wall. The words of an unknown song come to mind... "I want you to tell me Why you stopped long ago Why you stopped your smile from shining. .. walking through these halls is becoming such a painful chore. Afraid to cross your path for fear of dying." 020426 ... tiffany I like to pretend I'm strong when I see you but behind closed doors I'm nothing at all nothing but missing you And you don't see me when I look down the hall you don't see me and my yearning and behind closed doors I'm nothing but missing you And you're quiet when you're bleeding but I think I hear it and maybe it's only in my head I like to pretend I'm strong when you see me but really, inside, there's nothing at all nothing but missing you 020428 ... Kate Tracee and I were absolutely busting out laughing in band today because we were playing the pep band songs that all the seniors chose for the spring concert, and I was wondering what song you had picked and I whispered my question to Tracee. Just at that moment, Mr. Betchel asked who had chosen "Knock on Wood" and that was the first catalyst for our laughter. I have never heard the song before but Tracee said it's an old 70s disco song, and that it was a dumb ass song, and we both continued to stifle our smiles as we began to play. We've both realized how difficult it is to play the flute when we're smiling so big. Once we get to about measure 45, the brass instruments play a good 2 measures of dissonant notes, which sounded horrible. Mr. Betchel started talking about dissonance, and Tracee and I smiled because his screen name is "Dissonant Flowers" from an e.e. cummings poem. And then Mr. Betchel told the trumpets to play it loud and make the clarinents uneasy, and he even went so far as to add "imagine Julianna now with a slight twitch in her elbow because of you guys" and Tracee and I rolled our eyes because he always adds the "anna" on the end of Julianne, and then Tracee reminded me of the time when I noticed that you were so happy to touch her elbow and have her smile at you when we had the fire drill. Today I was mad at you because I saw you smile so much. 020429 ... tiffany As I was laying in the sun today, listening to your Sublime cd, and feeling the warmth on my face, I fantasized about how perfect it would be if you leaned over and kissed my cheek. I would turn and look at you, and pull you to me, and kiss your lips, and things would be perfect again. No need for words. The sun makes me feel so many different things. It was nice to talk to you today, even if it was uncomfortable at moments. Like when we parted ways, silently, no goodbyes. I guess it must be easier for you, that way. And as I walked down the hall with my headphones around my neck, and the music drifting up to my ears, I looked up at the windows and the lights, and thought how pretty the moment was, and how I felt like floating. Maybe if I wait, maybe, you'll come back to me. 020430 ... Kate Yesterday, you took your place at the front of the band, baton in hand, sleeves rolled down for the occasion. You did not flip your hair out of your eyes as you walked over, though my eyes could not meet yours. You were confident from the start, your "one two three go" expelling us into the music which we made. You were fast and correct, you were the best of them all. Tracee and I smiled, nervously, as we played, so fast that I did not have time to look up at you but once. Your eyes were to the back of the band. I looked forward to Thursday, when we'd do this for real at the concert. But today the order was switched and you won't conduct. Tommorow we'll have the concert and play together for the last time. Tommorow I'll want to relive every memory of band tour. Of kissing in the band room. Of sitting outside our rooms in the hotel hallway, you and Austin sipping tea, the four of us leaning against the wall, all in a row. Your arm wrapped around mine and stroked my skin. Mr. Betchel walked by and gave us a steady look and told us that it was time to go to bed. Both parties returned to their respective rooms, and we slept on the pullout couch with the gap by the head, in our blue and tan fuzzy blankets. I hope that you will see those memories in my eyes if you look tommorow. 020515 ... tiffany Oh, little rabbit. I asked and you forgave me. Without hesitation. I'll make things better this time. I promise. I won't hurt you like before. I love you, rabbit. I missed you so. 020716 ... Kate I am glad that you and your Stephen are back together. I looked for the Stephen that is not mine at the concert last night, but he did not appear. 020716 ... tiffany tears for you... 020829 ... tiffany Sorry, it has to be this way. 020924 ... devalis Kartman made me cry over a stupid trill but his cello bib is cute 020924 ... tiffany You know, sweetie...sometimes I wish we could take it all back. 030103 ... Kate Can we just go somewhere and furiously make out for twenty minutes? I promise I won't ask any forevers, because I never did. It's just that every time I read novels who have characters that share your name, I start wondering what your hair looks like and what books you are reading. I liked Cat's Cradle, too, though it was Jon who recommended not reading it. Did you like what I wore to graduation--did you even see me? Wouldn't it be cool if for a day, you and I pretended that we were back together, and then we could all go to the Cedar Lee or to a coffeeshop and be so last-last year? "Stephen was not suprised to find himself in love with her, and was conscious of excellent judgment in preferring her to..." George Eliot, "The Mill on the Floss" p. 477 030617 ... That girl who likes your band is everything, but he'll never even take the time to realize how long i spent overexamining his instant messages, or knowing how painful it is when he doesn't listen to me. How come he's never had a girlfriend, i've had three boyfriends, yet he's so much more experienced? He's never even kissed a girl. I'm so stupid, i'm writing an emo blather. I can't even imagine looking at him and not seeing something, but when i'm with him i'm blank, my reservoir of knowledge, experience and conversation dries up to nothing, until i become the bland, useless, opposite of what i am. He needs to understand this, though he never will. He'll grow up and i'll grow up, and i'll forget him and he'll forget me, but i wish the moment lasted just a little bit longer, and hit me softer. 031117 ... Live like youre dying tommorow I'm talking to stephen right now.. I told him about here. 031210 ... Movies When Kelly cries, the makeup runs from her eyes And spills the truth about how she feels inside When Kelly screams, it usually means I'm not being me But she's not being her, but anyway A second chance means nothing, 'Cause nothing's learned from past mistakes And I'm sure we felt the weight, the weight And three whole years fall on deaf ears I'm in no place for solitaire Three whole years fall on deaf ears If you can't understand our fears, it's not fair to me Do you remember when? Kelly, do you remember when? When I figured it was cool, and I figured wrong A second chance means nothing, 'Cause nothing's learned from past mistakes And I'm sure we felt the weight And do you know how I know? Because all those times we looked in each other's eyes, And we ignored all the signs And three whole years fall on deaf ears I'm in no place for solitaire Three whole years fall on deaf ears If you can't understand our fears, it's not fair to me Do you remember when? Kelly, do you remember when? When I figured it was cool, and I figured wrong Do you remember when? Kelly, do you remember when? When I figured it was cool, and I figured wrong Why do I even try? (I don't know, it's all for nothing) Why do I even try? (I don't know, it's all for nothing) I'm waiting for you, will you wait for me too? Yeah wait for me, yeah wait for me, it's not fair to me Do you remember when? Kelly, do you remember when? When you figured it was cool, and you figured wrong Do you remember when? Kelly, do you remember when? When you figured it was cool, and you figured wrong You figured wrong, you figured wrong, you figured wrong And you figured it was cool, and you figured wrong 031210 ... Kurt He's that cool kid on the corner who sells drugs. This reminds me of him: Rape me Rape me, my friend Rape me Rape me again I'm not the only one [4X] Hate me Do it and do it again Waste me Rape me, my friend I'm not the only one [4X] My favorite inside source I kiss your open sores Appreciate your concern You'll always stink and burn Rape me (rape me) [8X] Rape me 031210 ... That girl who likes your band I wrote that blather a while ago... Now im foolish and I'm 20 and he's probably gone and twisted himself up again. I hope someone reads that and feels the intensity i did when i wrote it. 031210 ... Bespeckled I was reading about Stephen Hawking today. I want A Brief History of Time. ::anxiously awaits her Christmas stocking:: 031210 ... live like youre dying tommorow god, stephen, kurt vonnegut is just too good to not indulge yourself in for a whole day. 040224 ... silentbob hero dedalus ulysses james_joyce 040716 ... tiffany We were stupid kids. But, when Patricia blasts "For Me This Is Heaven" on her computer, it still makes me think of you. And it's a good memory, of the first time I heard that song; when we were hanging out in the hall at lunch time, and you had your headphones draped around your neck. And it makes me happy that after everything that happened, you still left me with something good to hang on to. 050219 what's it to you? who go blather from