on_love jane "the hardest fight you'll have to fight," she told me one summer evening. we were out on the roof under the stars; she wore a dress that was clearly too revealing for the california weather, even in the summer, & i caught occasional glances at her tan legs in the moonlight.. watched her knees flex connected to her toes, her hands as she smoked the vanilla cigarette she bummed off me. i would have given her anything just to be able to touch those legs on the roof that night, any night really. on particular nights of drinking i would lean over to kiss her & catch her on the neck, when we would both start laughing 031019 ... jane "i fell in love with the future but he's three thousand miles away..." i wrote. & now i have to wonder was that my safety net of a future, unsupportive as it sounds. you know how much you can care about someone but you can never make them feel the same way. i captured him in a moment, covered with his paint, looking into my eyes.."i love you so much right now." the key phrase is right now. if you love something, let it go. let it go. i can't! life is an eternal series of no's. it is when you finally let go that you say yes. and to say yes to one moment is to say yes to all of existence. 031111 ...   "love is the drug..." the song says between the side effects and the withdrawal pains it makes me wonder sometimes 031111 ... megara im not saying it doesnt exist im just... saying that it doesnt exist. i've never seen it, ever... not my mum and dad, not my grandparents. if ive felt that way for someone im too afraid to admit it. and id do anything to be with my friend right now, even though that love is so different but... that one understands. maybe we should be in love. in love. on love. under love, under trees and blankets and thick green smoke that presses into my skin like your arm behind my back, like your tongue against mine. i peeked. you didnt look particularly intense you just looked... hungry. and i go to sleep at night thinking, still of your hands running over, under, beneath my clothes your face in my neck my eyes closed sick madness. i hate you, honestly, love. you waste my time you break bones and tear ligaments that i didnt even know i have and im hoping that if i close my eyes for long enough you'll just go away. but someday, i know, i need to see you, i need to slowly undo your buttons, slowly, deliberately, gently do everything youve never dreamed possible, let my hands follow pulses of heat and light, make you feel like this is it, this is what its supposed to be, this is going to last forever and then let go. because thats love, right? 031112 ... Doar wow 031112 ... pipedream *blinks* that was a very intense piece, but it sounds like lust. 031124 ... bird i've got to learn to stay off it, the withdrawal symptoms are often worse than heroin, 031124 ... Norm I could never get married. I could name nine girls that truly love, I would hate to be married to any one of them. Luckily for me I am convincing and I can lead an acceptably calm life simply loving them. If love is so well known as a beautiful thing why do so many people limit themselves in it? 040201 ... megan i sit here for a moment in order to collect my thoughts. so many things i could say on love, so many things that would take hours of explaining and in the end it would be me just saying you'd have to have been there. it doesn't work, this explaining love. love is different for everyone, in different times and places, with different people. it rotates and grows and shrinks and transposes in order to fit into lives, and still, even there it changes. the love in my life is all my own. i learned to love at home, the things that were shown to me in love were how music can illustrate your feelings, how food really does get to a man's heart, and how to be physically close to someone and enjoy their touch. i learned through school and numerous boyfriends and the realization that growing up is a part of life, that love doesn't always mean forever, and love doesn't necessarily have to mean i like you right now. love during those times was tough, it was making my best friend eat even when she thought her 90 pound body was fat, it was holding hands with a line of girls to cross the ice skating rink, and it was finding out that boys will write you poetry if they like you (and they won't tell their friends). i believe i have been in love and am in love at the present moment, but not only am i in love now, but i love that person. the in love experience of a relationship lasts about 2 years or less, and is comprised of a whirlwind tour of craziness and butterflies in stomachs. my love is still crazy and the butterflies still come out of hiding, but the comfort is there. the comfort that it doesn't matter what i wear in the morning or how i do my hair. it doesn't matter that i cry sometimes for no apparent reason. it doesn't matter that i'm a very busy girl and sometimes go through withdrawal of not seeing him. and it's ok that i love him with all my heart and trust him for miles farther than i can throw him. love is laying on a couch in the basement with legs intertwined slowly tracing the outlines of each others' bodies following flickering firelight. love is talking on the phone to all hours of night about nothing and everything all at once. love is patient. it's when you're ready and she isn't and you just enjoy watching her put her make up on. love is kind. it's opening car doors and understanding when he needs to be with his friends. it does not envy. this is a hard one. it does not matter that his best friend is a girl or my best friend is a guy. it does not boast. love doesn't flaunt itself in the face of its peers, no matter your boyfriend is the hottest thing on the face of the earth. it is not proud. love is not a human's doing, it's something much greater. it is not rude. it's hanving a shoulder to cry on when a grandma dies, it's staying on the phone later than you were expecting to when love needs to talk. it is not self seeking. love wants the best for the other person, even if that means breaking up or being apart. it is not easily angered. it's forgiving. it keeps no record of wrongs. no matter how many times they screw up in the past doesn't matter now. this is the present and we have to look ahead to the future. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects. love would put its life on the line. always trusts. she believes him over anyone else no matter what. and vice versa. always hopes. the future is always bright with love. always perseveres. no matter the hardship or trial one is facing, love will hang on for the ride and be there constantly with support. LOVE NEVER FAILS. 040201 ... jane at this moment i'm drunk with lack of alcohol. you know that feeling, when you're sitting with a bottle of jack or something of the sort, completely numb to the world? just the motion of bottle to mouth so you know you're alive...listening to some painful blues song that sticks a wedge into the crack in your heart...i want something real again, but these feelings are some of the most raw feelings i've ever had. i feel like if i was an orange someone just stripped off my semi-ripe rind. i want to steal. i am ridden with guilt. i made love today & cried, but he didn't notice. there is no love. i want to find someone who is home. i need to sleep. i can't sleep; i haven't slept in about a week. i also just ate for the first time in a couple days. hence the raw feelings. this guitar is driving a stake into my heart. i have to go now 040208 ... Syrope a dangerous book to be reading when you don't have someone 040417 ... somedaysam there must be something to this thing called love my heart beats a new rhythm my thoughts are consumed by visions of you a hunger, a longing to laugh with you to dream with you to just be with you 040418 ... Lemon_Soda Love. What a word. So hard to pin anything to it... I think disney, i think Bogart, I think freinds, I think family... the only thing I know is that everyone is wrong. They so easily confuse such other, powerful emotions, like need, lust, wanting, loneliness, dependance, exceptance...god it goes on forever...with the word Love. Stop pretending. Understand that when it hits you... everything is right. All the things you don't like (not Hate...thats a different rant) fade away as inconsequiential and everything you like becomes so much more meaningful...there is no "bad" feeling when love is involved...you know better. You just do. It isn't about worry, or insecurity, self-repulsion, or a need to have someone else... I felt Love. I still do. You'll know to. You won't even question it...you might not even recognize it, because content, peace, and fulfillment are so alien...but essential to LOVE capital LOVE... Just don't let it ruin itself by expecting it to stay forever...nothing lasts forever... Simply remember it, and that it was worth it... 040418 what's it to you? who go blather from