ask_magicforest u24 A flurry of questions. What are your attitudes towards your writing? do you like it? why do you do it? when did you start? do you draw, or do anything else creative? 041124 ... magicforest U24: What are your attitudes towards your writing? I feel more compelled to write than personally interested in doing it. It doesn't feel voluntary to me. It's been my dominant form of expression since I was a little kid. I originally was going to be an artist. Then I discovered that I didn't have the knowledge or talent to take the images in my head and recreate them on paper. Words become my method. That is the only thing methodical about my writing. It's too frustrating for me to have no way to create. So words truly are my compulsion. In other words, I can't afford to have attitudes towards my writing, because I can't help doing it. Even in my head I compose. It took me months to stop myself from thinking in the past tense. Do you like it? My own writing, yes. Sort of. The more I read, the more I look at my writing dispairingly, but then the better it gets. I like it when I capture something exactly as I wanted it. I like that I can spend twenty minutes just deciding on one word; that such a practice seems normal and necessary. I like when a particularly neat phrase comes along that is mine and mine only. I like "triangulated scraps", I like "sepia golden", I like "sanitary punch". I like capturing things that universal to humanity. Writing to me is throwing spears at ideas, trying to pin them down. See, I keep accidentally answering "Do you like writing" rather than "Do you like YOUR writing?". So let's go back to that. I do like my writing, it's a part of me, like liking my arm. That doesn't suggest that I think it's particularly good. My arm is nice and all, but it isn't muscular or curvy, it isn't perfectly hairless or smooth, it isn't very strong or well-defined, but nevertheless I like it because it's my own arm, it's something that belongs to me. My writing is mine, I birthed it, I bore it, it is my fetus, I like it despite thinking that in the grand scheme of things there are teeming billions who could do better. As far as my potential goes, I think I'm doing quite well. Why do you do it? Because I love words, because I can't help doing it, because it's an escape mechanism, because it's a way to cope, because it's creation, because it's become habitual, because I want to show the world around me to people, because I need self-expression, because I want to write an elaborate love letter, because this is my way of learning, loving, feeling, thinking, existing. Pick whichever. When did you start? This was, as far as I can find a hard copy of, the earliest example of my writing. That is, coherent writing. I did stories long before that which I still cannot understand. Spelling is left in tact. Note the place in which I suddenly leap away from reality. "I will go to camp on my summer vacation. I'll sing songs by the campfire. I'll eat marshmellos. Also, I hope I don't have chicken rise ane greens I hope. Not even mackorony again. I have it every day when dads not home. If only I could have as much marshmellos as I wanted. But suddenly I start to shrinck till I could sit on a marshmello then I took off to marshmello land. I was going to get some marshmellos. It was marshmello golor! I accadently ate a marshmello house. I ate another one they were empty. But when I got to the top of my third marshmello it took off back to earth. by then we had to go shopping I asked my mom if I could get marshmellos she said no." I think that tale captures me fairly accurately? Since I can remember I always wrote. I went through a very long fantasy phase (now I hate the stuff, and have a low tolerance even for science fiction, with some notable examples being the classics) an obsessive girls-in-boarding-school phase, an erotic fiction phase (admittedly I still write some literotica), and...god, countless other phases. I was typing faster than most adults long before the third grade. Do you draw, or do anything else creative? I write songs, I play a little piano. I sketch and draw. I take photographs. I used to dance. I like nut pastels. I love installation art but I can't afford to do it properly. That's it, I think. 041124 ... :-) thankyou. 041125 ... smurfus rex what are your plans for the world? 041125 ... magicforest Well, do you mean "what are my plans upon my official adult entrance into the world, ie. the future?" or do you mean "what do I believe the world is coming to?" or do you mean "if I could affect the state of the world, how would I go about it and what would I do?" smiles weakly 041125 ... smurfus rex I guess it's number 3...what are you going to do to change the world? 041125 ... magicforest I guess my world would have less indifference and more dreamers. More trees probably. How to go about that...I don't know. I don't know. 041126 ... They say I ask a lot of ?s How the hell old are you? Really. Because if you're really only 16 or 17 then you are a certified prodigy or at least preternaturally gifted. I was just curious in a non prurient or inappropriate way. Hoc est simplicissimus 041126 ... magicforest I turned 18 about four months ago...who are you? And I am certainly no prodigy... 041126 ... AVAN Just a bloke who writes waaaaaaaay too much and listens or reads not nearly enough. *In best Robert Dinero voice* You gotta gift. Oh yes you doooo. Wow. that was strangely off putting. Don't think I really captures the Dinero gestalt or cadense on that one. but preternaturally gifted? yeah your eyedreamisms pretty much sealed it for me. You got the real thing. The ear, the powers of observation, the acoutrements of a talented writer. Yep. 041126 ... monee what to you draw? 041126 ... incredible_bulk Do you love me ? 041126 ... magicforest _____________A V A N_______________ I am very flattered, Mr. Mystery, but what you need to understand is that with two exceptions, I can't look back on those eyedreamisms without cringing in absolute embarrassment and disgust. However, I have made major revisions, and I now feel more safe reading them, and less like somebody whose eyelids are being nailed to her toes. But now I fear that nobody will like them anymore. My eyedreamisms are my perpetual love/hate relationship with everything. _____________monee_______________ I draw women mostly. Because I can't draw properly, it's too frustrating to start out with an image in my head, so basically I draw a curved line, and then it just blossoms into a woman of unusual proportions, but generally always consisting entirely of curved lines and filled with shading. One that I did a month ago was called "Woman Wrapped in Cellophane Paper". It wasn't my idea. Anyway, they aren't good. I don't mean that in the modest, humble "Oh shush, they aren't good." way, I mean that honestly as a lover of the arts, my drawings aren't good. _________incredible_bulk___________ Like the sky loves the rain. 041126 ... kromagnon why is life this way? you know what i mean 041127 ... magicforest ___________Kromagnon_____________ Ever since I can remember life has been this mess. Some of my earliest memories were sitting on the stairs, folding laundry on Christmas Eve, while crying because I had lost my baby blanket. I was four years old. It appears that the world has always been this beautiful nightmare, twisted daydream, imperfect utopia. It's Christmas season, which always gives me the most lonely feeling inside, the most beautiful feeling inside. None of these are answers for you, are they? Why is life the way it is? Of course the essential fault with your question, is, as you are perfectly aware, that there isn't really any answer. If there is a universal one, that is, then you'll never find it anyway. As it is, figuring out life is not my specialty. I'm in it for the temporal, ephemeral, ethereal, the silent and beautiful, the lost cause, the random instant of beauty, and so on with all those dreamerish things. All I can tell you is that if there is a universal way that life ought to be, then this is it, my friend. I wish I could help you or give a better answer. I can't though. I can kiss you on the forehead, if you wish. Sometimes that helps. Good luck with your wanderlust... 041127 ... you are not hated confrontation is too ugly a response for me thats all so ill just make this go away 041129 ... fix 041129 ... neesh nice job making her going away :( 041130 ... u24 do you intend to leave in the near future? 041130 ... neesh (u24: see tea_leaves_goodbye ) 041130 ... u24 damn. i was hoping that was a hallicination.. sighes. 041202 ... oldephebe sometimes confrontation is neccessary sometimes it is the only thing that saves us from losing ourselves, from surrendering to the sadistic contrl freaks machinations, they did not writ ehte script, they do NOT know the words ro choreograph the steps that you DON'T have to rehearse over and over again. You don't have to whisper your argument into a pillow wet with your tears, and no one to hear them in the darkness of your room, you don't have to allow them to steal pieces of you someone, in the distant immutable past has conditioned us, held us under the water and wouldn't let us come up for air, someone taught us to cower in the vast shadow of thier imposing presence and the sharp bark of their brittle bravado but it is more than the gilded music of eloquence for eloquence sake, that anemic tremulous voice is not our TRUE voice, the tongue that strikes a great black bell is our true voice, under lock and key, under all the years of rote behavior, all the years of being emotionally raped, all the years of relinquishing our arguments, our lives, our self esteem to another, we've locked the door and swallowed the key, i'll say that again - we've locked the door and swallowed the key...the key is inside of us, the key to finding our true voice, a powerful plain speaking irrefutable voice, for every misbelief there is a countervailing key or affirmation...find your voice, find your heart, find your Source instead of choking in the morass of the immutable unchangeable past ... 041202 ... oldephebe Tell them "I won't allow you to dictate the terms of my argument to me! You cannot! I will NOT allow you!" 041202 ... Piso Mojado do you think you are not missed in this virtual space? because you are. 050410 ... u24 indeed. 050713 ... Doar she's gone? how sure are we on this? she isn't just hanging around using another moniker? i'm saddened if she has left for real. . 050713 ... Lemon_Soda Okay, heres a questions: magicforest are you gone? 050713 ... ellyn (endless desire--but what the hell is the po eyedream, i need to talk to someone. please come back sometime. 061012 ... ellyn ergh fuck. all i meant to say is there's no point anymore. im not endless_desire. i used to think that if someone said it on the street, i'd probably turn around, but i wouldn't... not anymore. 061012 ... Doar More of a wish magic. I wish you were here with us still. And I would ask how is your face today? . 111112 what's it to you? who go blather from