graduation_2001 elisabeth can i cry as i watch you graduate is that okay. Is it all right if i cry. or do you need me to sit there smiling so you don't cry. I am so happy but i do not know if i can hold back the tears. please tell me is it okay if i cry? I do not know please someone tell me? 010422 ... owl hun you can cry till theres no tomorrow cause im gonna be crying not matter what so it wont bother me. 010422 ... vampers ill be holding the box of tissues :) 010422 ... elisabeth thanks guys. I do not know if i would be able to last if i could not cry. I am so happy to see everyone graduate but i am so sad. the next three years just arn't going to be the same. It will be too boring compared to this year. i do not know what i am going to do 010424 ... florescent light I am going to cry. I have been crying inside since March. To leave this Mother town where I have spent four years of my life. To never spend another crystal winter here. to leave the place where I first got drunk, where I first fell in love, where I discovered who I am. Where I learned about beautiful. Oneonta made me beautiful Where I learned to be free. And I am still learning. This town filled with golden trees and pink ponds with fish that eat the bread right out of your hand. To leave the twirled streets full of bus drivers who wave to me when I walk to Main St. To leave all my friends, All the familiarity Everything is full of memories, everywhere I go. I know everyone Everything provokes feelings. I am scared the best years of my life are ending. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not the town that is so wonderful, the wonderfulness is in me. And everywhere I go I bring the magic with me. 010425 ... elisabeth some times I feel like my world is going to break apart when you all leave. no one to turn to no one to talk to. no one to listen to me. Yoe are all leaving, no more hugs in the morning, no more quick morning or ten minute break talks. all gone. and yet it stills seems as the year comes to an end i keep getting closer to all of you. 010511 ... Aimee My god it's so close now. We're all going to move on, and yet it feels like everyone's leaving me, when I know that I'm leaving too. I have to say good-bye to so many people without whom, lord knows if I'd still be here. Kristen's going to NMU with Alisha and Julie, I just hope she doesn't stay there. She has so much talent, and I think she could make it at Lawrence. And then Katrina running off to Oakland, and Leslie going off to Bay for a year or two..I have to watch Adam and Joe go off to the Army.... not to mention my best friend, my sister Ebony. I am terrified that I will never see her again. Terrified that maybe something bad will happen to her. I can't say good bye to her. It was hard enough when I moved, but good bye? It's too permanent.I just want to spend my last week around here with her. I want to watch Labyrinth, and RHPS, and all the silly silly movies we used to watch. I want to bounce for hours on the trampoline, and go swimming at Erb and sit on our rock there. Go shopping and just spend our time together. South Carolina is a long way from Iowa.Who knows, maybe next year I'll get a knock on my door and she'll be there. I have that dream that she and I will get married and settle with our respective families in the same town, maybe even next door. Send our kids to Little League, and Soccer, and voice/orchestra lessons, together.Teach our children to love Mozart, Beethoven and Bach along with Steppenwolf, Janis Joplin, and John Melancamp together. Share all our sorrows, and happinesses everyday. I know how utterly unrealistic that is, but I just don't like staring change like this right in the face. I know she's one of the people I will never say good-bye to. I just don't want to see this all end. High School wasn't all that bad. I have a lot of bad memories, but the people who I have the good memories with are those who I can't let go of, ever. Granted some of them are associated with the bad, but "you take the good with the bad". God. There are the people who I shall always know, always love. Ebony, Steve, Nicole, Art, and I hope Kristen, Leslie, and Trina. But I know the first four are forever. I can't imagine my life without them. I wouldn't want to. I mean, next month I'm going globe trotting with Nicole and most likely Art. Talk about fun. Gracious. I don't want to lose all of this. Granted there are people who I can NOT wait to get away from!!!! Honestly!! Some people really do need to be phased out of the gene pool. And not just because they piss me off, but because if they were to breed they'd only contribute to the downfall of humankind. It's already in a downward spiral. *sigh* I'm getting too emotional about all this. I've been crying the entire time I've been writing this. Whatever all of our fates may be, I hope, no, I actually pray, that none of us end up unhappy. Most of all, Kristen. I hope all her dreams come true. I hope everyone's dreams come true. I pray that we all have the strength to make it in the world. I'm astounded at how well I've managed to combine these two worlds. My home, where my heart has always been, Appleton, and then Kingsford. I didn't like it at first. I was terrified, but now it's grown on me, and I wouldn't give up these last two years, because I'm not the inhibited, frightened, low self-esteemed girl I was. I'm so much stronger. And if I hadn't moved, I don't know what would have happened. I could have a child, or I could not be here. For the first time, in a long time, I am very proud of myself. I have almost overcome my greatest obstacle. Myself. These two worlds are complete opposites. But they both have contributed to who I am today. Next year, at this time, I'll be finishing my first year at Drake. I don't know who I'll be at this time next year, but I hope it's better than I am now. I hope I'm even more independent. I hope I can live without my mom always being in just the next room. I hope I can overcome my fears of loneliness, and my fears of abandonment. I hope the love that I have found, in someone who I should have known was always there, won't frighten me anymore. I don't have any words of wisdom. I never really have. But just remember, mom, is always just a phone call away 010512 ... nocturnal well here's my little piece of useless unwanted advice...if you can make it through the first three of four months of your first year at college, it all gets easier from there. it's a slow process, but by the end you'll very likely be happy with where you are. for me, my first year is ending in a matter of hours. it's been the hardest adjustment of my life and I am very glad it's over. I'm also very proud that I've survived without my best friends, well, we still can't go one week without our sunday phone calls. I highly recommend that to keep in touch with the one or two people you have the hardest time separating from. I wish you the best of luck and don't be afraid. like I said, get through the first three or four months and it gets much easier and much more enjoyable. 010512 ... owko umm i left school 9 years ago, i'm pretty used to life without it now. next big thing for me is setting up home in another country. now thats scary!! 010512 ... paste! re: moving to new countries...very scary! but amazingly necessary! at least it feels that way. when and how do you pull the trigger? i'm thinking soon, within a year or so, via plane or boat or drive (if canada). i'm already ebaying my possessions like a madman! 010616 ... elisabeth it's over, it's gone. all done. it's finished. they are gone. gone for good. and never coming back. I am not sure weather i should be crying for my self or smiling for them. i want to do both. but i can't so i do nothing. it's over it actualy is over. i already miss them. 010617 ... Sol I am terrified, my closest freinds, with whom i spend all my time, and play all my music are leaving for university, while i am stuck in a rut for another year. I dont want them to leave, what will I do? 010617 ... elisabeth if it is over with and done with why do i keep thinking about it. I said it doesn't bother me but i still find my self waking up crying at night. 010709 ... Effingham Fish "The truly educated never graduate." That t-shirt is SO mine. 020104 ... ClairE "In all my pictures we all look so happy." "Mine, too." "I guess everyone's do." Silence. "What a wonderful thought." 020104 ... ellen cherry charles when im restless and at home on break from college i stare at the pages of my old high school yearbooks and remember and dream and wonder i can sit there for hours until i realize i missed life. ..or at least, a mundane aspect of it. who needs work, showers, friends, food when one has memories? 020106 ... squigglybee when i was in high school, that was my life. i thought it was okay, not great, not wonderful, but okay. looking back on it, it was full of fake people, lies, betrayal, stupid jokes, and lame assignments. 020707 what's it to you? who go blather from