|
|
fortune_cookie
|
|
|
MollyGoLightly
|
two summers ago i broke open a fortune cookie and found this statement on the rolled up little piece of paper inside:
"You are the guiding star of his existence."
i never did figure out who he was. i think i was guiding quite a few existences that summer.
|
000709
|
|
... |
|
|
Brad
|
Last year I got one that said "unwind and enjoy a frisky romance." I've been trying ever since, but nothing's seemd to work out. Trying too hard maybe? or not hard enough? hehe. In the words of Miguel, "only the bellies can realize for sure."
|
000709
|
|
... |
|
|
lotusflower
|
i had one that said:
"soon a visitor shall delight you."
then i got one recently that said:
"the object of your desire comes closer."
this "visitor" arrives tomorrow...and i have been lusting after him for five months.
aren't i lucky?
|
000709
|
|
... |
|
|
Wayne
|
YOUR ENDEAVORS SHALL SUCCEED IN DUE TIME.
|
000709
|
|
... |
|
|
whirligirl
|
lotusflower is luckier than lucky.
err!
|
000710
|
|
... |
|
|
seedofeden
|
sometimes many, sometimes none
most of the time, you only get one.
some of them try to teach you chinese.
others don't.
|
000711
|
|
... |
|
|
sabbie
|
the first time i ever had a fortune cookie, i was so excited. i broke it open and eagerly pulled out the scrap of paper to read "this fortune is plastic covered for your hygene" my excitement dimmed a little and it took me a minute of puzzlement before i realised i was reading the back of the fortune. so, my excitement remounting, i flipped over the paper to read my real fortune.
"god has given you one face but you have aquired another" (or something along those lines.)
my excitement fell flat. being called two faced by a confectionary i felt was a little harsh. when the bowl came araound again, i declined.
they tasted yucky anyway.
|
001211
|
|
... |
|
|
mmm
|
" keep your plans secret for now"
"delay is the antidote for anger"
"it is easier to make friends than to keep them"
"sing and rejoice fortune is smiling on you"
things in life should be simple rather than complex"
"don't be afraid to take that big step"
"the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do"
"patience is the best remedy for every trouble"
"someone is speaking well of you"
"you'll never know what you can do until you try"
"a secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection"
"the whole story is long and complicated"
"your winsome smile will be your sure protection"
"among the lucky, you are the chosen one"
"the fist step to better times is to imagine them"
"politeness costs nothing and gains everthing"
"all the answers you need are right in front of you!"
"where there is a will, there is a way"
"romance comes into your life this year in a very unusual way"
"smiling often can make you look and feel younger"
"serious trouble will bypass you"
"go to the elders when you feel a confidence crisis"
"the world is a grand comedy to your sense of humor"
"the smart thing to do is to begin trusting your intuitions"
"negotiations move along smoothly, the outcome is favorable!"
"happy life is just in front of you"
|
010402
|
|
... |
|
|
mmm
|
i have a collection of fortunes... i like them
|
010402
|
|
... |
|
|
carden
|
many never tell of fortunes any more, the classic fortune cookie is no more
|
010402
|
|
... |
|
|
nocturnal
|
ya know what annoys me to no end? when people do that stupid thing where they read the fortune and add "in bed" at the end. jesus fucking christ does that piss me off.
|
010402
|
|
... |
|
|
mmm
|
"it is easier to make friends than to keep them"
"a charming friendship is in the making"
"there appear to be many clouds; but they will quickly pass"
i've had some more chinese food in the past couple days
|
010420
|
|
... |
|
|
kingsuperspecial
|
your skull fragments will be discovered on the north slopes of Olympus Mons
|
010721
|
|
... |
|
|
paste!
|
you will diarrhea all over you grandmother, in bed.
|
010721
|
|
... |
|
|
baby satan
|
you will cut off your face and grow a new one tomorrow.
|
010722
|
|
... |
|
|
mmm
|
"nature time and patience are the three great physicians"
"stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you (got 2 times)"
"your luck has been completely changed today"
"fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement"
"you display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy"
"a financial investment will yield returns beyond your hopes"
"you will finally solve a difficult problem that will mean so much to you"
"you make people realize that there exists other beauties in the world"
"you have a pair of shining eyes"
"depart not from the path which fate has you assigned"
"you are never selfish with your advice or your help"
"you have at your command the wisdom of the ages"
"we will not know the worth of water 'til the well is dry"
"very often you cannot help thinking of somebody"
"if you continually give, you will continually have"
"a cautious person leaves no stones unturned"
"this is a night for love and affection"
"You will enjoy good health. You will be surrounded by luxury."
"You will make change for the better"
"You will be recognized and honored as a community leader."
"You are careful and systematic in your business arrangements."
"You will attract cluttered and artistic people to your home"
"He who hurries cannot walk with dignity"
"An empty stomach is not a good political advisor"
"The philosophy of one century is the common sense of the next"
"the path of life shall lead upwards for you"
"happier days are definitely ahead for you, struggle has ended."
"he who climbs a ladder must begin at the first step'
"an hour with friends is worth more then ten with strangers."
"two important decisions shall be made by you soon"
"it's a good time to finish up old tasks"
"you have a deep interest in all that is artistic"
"remember to share good fortunes as well as bad with your friends"
"your home is a pleasant place from which you draw happiness"
|
010722
|
|
... |
|
|
mmm
|
i think i might eat to much chinese food, yes/no?
|
010722
|
|
... |
|
|
dB
|
Now, I'm not sure what the story is with this one, but I do know that Japanese and Chinese people do hold English in high regard as a language. The upshot of this is that they try and use whatever random words they have picked up an don't understand to make sentences. Case in point, a fortune cookie I got once:
"Happy Yum Good. Very Happy Good Is Nice. "
To quote the great comic, Lewis Black, "How would you diagram that sentence? Your best bet would be to take a pencil out, sharpen it and shove it in your eye. At least that way instead of worrying about it you'll be in hopitol holding the pencil steady wondering how you would look in a jauny eye patch."
|
010722
|
|
... |
|
|
MollyGoLightly
|
"you are the weakest link. goodbye."
|
010722
|
|
... |
|
|
kingsuperspecial
|
"your left arm is plotting against you"
"a friend with weed will probably eat all your cereal"
"please do this, please do that
please, don't do that"
"asbestos undies itch bluegrass dipstick
clam bake marox_pass_the_ketchup"
|
010723
|
|
... |
|
|
baby satan
|
"you will indulge yourself by seducing your best friend's significant other and bragging about it."
|
010723
|
|
... |
|
|
Dafremen
|
I did a piece around a fortune cookie fortune once.
The piece was a tire track going through part of a chalk outline. Next to the hand on the chalk outline were some fortune cookie crumbs and the fortune. I had a magnifying glass mounted over the fortune so folx could read the words:
"Big things are coming your way soon."
|
010723
|
|
... |
|
|
birdmad
|
yeah, freight trains and steamrollers
|
010723
|
|
... |
|
|
dB
|
Right that does it! I am never getting ANYTHING from "Cheung Wah Takeaways" ever again. Guess what the damn thing said this time!
"You make money better"
I'm sorry, but I will not put up with this slaughter of the english language. It's almost as bad as my typing gods dammit!
|
010723
|
|
... |
|
|
Tank
|
"a pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck."
what the kerfuck is pluck..?
|
010723
|
|
... |
|
|
The Truth
|
I got this fortune once:
"Please help me! I am being held capitve in a fortune cookie factory"
Well, not really ,but when my friends and I all do that "reading the fortune cookie" ritual after dinner, I always pretend that it really says that.
But, before I was married, my wife and I got the exact same fortune when we went out for our first chinese food.
They said
"True Love awaits you in the springtime."
|
010723
|
|
... |
|
|
kingsuperspecial
|
“We’re all laughing at you,
not with you.”
“Knowing the path, and following the path, are not the same as waiting at the drive through.”
“The fountains of wisdom do not fill long neck bottles.”
“Leave those chickens alone.”
|
010723
|
|
... |
|
|
black-dyed gel product
|
Everyone IS out to get you. Go out swinging."
|
010723
|
|
... |
|
|
writings on weed
|
fortunes cookies ruined my life
|
031126
|
|
... |
|
|
writings on weed
|
fortune cookies (:) yeah...
|
031126
|
|
... |
|
|
endless desire
|
"You find beauty in ordinary things, do not lose this ability."
my lucky numbers are 05 18 27 35 39 13
|
031126
|
|
... |
|
|
delial
|
my fortune earlier tonight read:
"For a good cause, wrongdoing may be virtuous."
I flipped it over and the numbers read:
"9 12 20 34 41. 26"
heh, 26. *looks at the date of yesterday*
the anniversary.
|
031127
|
|
... |
|
|
Mokita
|
"that wasn't chiken"
http://www.elfrigo.org/flash/chowmein.htm
|
040304
|
|
... |
|
|
stork daddy
|
"you may buy new clothes sometime in the future" way to go out on a limb fortune cookie.
|
040304
|
|
... |
|
|
jane
|
i only take mine seriously if it has 27 on it
|
040304
|
|
... |
|
|
shivers
|
i used to love fortune cookies. my best friend lives in a chinese restaurant so i get them all the time now. lost some of their meaning. the funniest one to get when your with a group of friends are the "happiness is sitting next to you". :)
|
040304
|
|
... |
|
|
p2
|
my office had a lunch meeting yesterday
and we got chinese food
i opened my fortune cookie
and it said
"face facts with dignity"
these must be special
2004 election fortune cookies
|
041104
|
|
... |
|
|
who i am doesnt matter anymore
|
i save all of my fortunes, i almost kind of live for my fotune cookie fortunes.
my favorite yet
"oops! wrong cookie..."
i put them all in a frame. its hott.
|
051225
|
|
... |
|
|
oren
|
I hate it when my fortune cookie gives me advice. I_want a FORTUNE, not advice! They don't call them "advice cookies."
|
051225
|
|
... |
|
|
no reason
|
said "beware of cookies bearing fortunes"
|
051225
|
|
... |
|
|
pSyche
|
"Trust him for now, but keep an eye on him"
this applies all to well to the stalker boy in my life.
|
060327
|
|
... |
|
|
sirflaccid
|
If I remember correctly, this fortune was in a cookie on an episode of "Rocko's Modern Life."
-Bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul thoughout eternity.-
I always thought it would be cool to make a few and drop them in with the real ones just to watch people's expressions.
|
060328
|
|
... |
|
|
damned cookie eater
|
...is it really bad if you receive NO fortune from the fortune cookie?
i cracked mine and there it was empty.
is a bad omen?
|
081008
|
|
... |
|
|
In_Bloom
|
In between the great moments you expect from life
Life happens
*Giggles to Jimmy Toofus*
|
081008
|
|
|
what's it to you?
who
go
|
blather
from
|
