Jenna I say hateful things.
I argue over silly things.
I yell at people for no reason.
I get so depressed, and slugish.
I eat more.

In general, I act irrational.

Any maturity I've gained, any good habits I've formed, and the love for myself I finally cultivated gets slowly depleted away.

I was never at zero_supply until the end of this 3 week "vacation" [read: sentence].

I don't like myself right now.
shiva Same.

I woke up to my mother screaming in my face this morning.

I think that in order to be happy, I will have to move far away and never come home. Pity.
ClairE Funny how the best thing was "brought of" them.

Once you reach a certain point, you grow beyond them, towards the light. It's evolution, baby!
ClairE Or, "brought out". I try to bring out the best in them. 020107
SuicidalAngel Yeah I get so irratated with my gramma. It's just so annoying to wake up to country music, it makes me violent. She always taunts me. I usually just stay in my room away from...

"let the dogs out"
"are you going to leave your clothes in the dryer all night"
"Why is this door open, I CERTANLY didn't do it.. you're warming up the outsite".. (god I HATE that)
"Do you have my phone"
"Why dont you clean this room"
"How do you plan to pay for college, guess you'll have to drop out"
"Have you payed your tickets yet"

AAAAh leave me alone!
Syrope i'm ashamed to talk to anyone or be seen by anyone after i've been in a fight with them. i become an awful awful person. i have no patience for their ignorance and prejudice, and i really cant stand them patronizing me like i'm a 4 year old that can't spell my name or tell time yet. 020625
jane hopefully this will all change when i am gone 020626
Dafremen Here again we see the cries of little brains desiring to control their environment. (See also: DAFFY)

The pattern is repetitious and neverending. It is easily recognized and so obvious once you know what you're looking for. Youll see it everywhere once you realize that it IS everywhere.

The little brain first discovers.
First it discovered the body around it.
Later it discovered the material world and the people outside of the body.

The little brain then explores.
First it explored the body, it's limitations, it's capabilities, the methods for controlling it.
Later it explored the material world, the rules for manipulating and managing it and the people within it.

The little brain then attempts to control.
First it seized control of the body of which it is a part.
Later it attempts to seize control of those things and people around it.
Cry, mama comes.
Throw the ball, it bounces.
Yell or cry, Dad gives me money.

The little brain then attempts to dominate, using the things it can control in order to obtain what it wants. Discarding that which cannot be dominated or controlled.

First it dominated the body, stopped thinking of it as something outside of itself, rather, it sees the body as a tool, an extension of itself.

Later it dominated the things that it could in the material world, discarding those that it could not control or dominate, seeing them as mere objects, trivial extensions to be used in the pursuit of its own desires.

This parent gives me what I want always, the other one doesn't. Go to parent that can be manipulated with certainty. I want this, I am more likely to get this from this parent.

Now both parents are not letting me live the way I want to, I must leave, I must move on to be with the people that will let me live my life the way I want to.

Tsk tsk...little brain. You're so're in governments, associations, corporations, families, class struggles and religions. Always with the same pattern, always so pathetically afraid that if it does not have control, it will not be happy or safe. Poor pathetic little brain. Mine almost had ME too. No thanks little brain of mine, I prefer to be safe in the arms of everything around destination...the world and things and people around me are my kin.
Teenage Jesus Again, I agree.

I must say though, that everyone must be allowed to "get it" or "understand" at their own pace. AND, they may not get it from you, or me, or anyone we know. Current circumstances may not be right for them. They may not be ready. And that's absolutely OK.

I'm not saying not to "say it," but that we must be not necessarily sympathetic, but at least aware of these potential limitations.

When the whole of humanity understands the sufi riddle "who is the one who makes the grass green?" we won't have to talk about this anymore.

If anybody asks, we should tell them. But we should also be mindful of the fact that WE had to make that journey first. We didn't start here. We got here (eventually.)

But there's nothing wrong with trying to be a good tour guide. I'm quite sure as a matter of fact that at least four or five have grokked your message; and that proves part of it's inherent worth.

And for those who want the TJ oversimplified version: hurry up and slow down! You'll get there. Try playing ball a little bit- you know, the path of least resistance. THIS is IT. YOU make the grass green pal! YOU DO. How does it feel to be the new owner of the Universe? What kind of land lord are you going to be?
jane thank you for using the word grok 020627
Dafremen Grok IS a co0l word...I gotta admit.

Thing is...when are we gunna just stop wanting and start appreciating? If ANYTHING it's the only sensible thing for us to do...the only LOGICAL purpose to our existence if there is such a purpose.

Tour guide? Well not exactly my friend...more like sabo0 beating through the bush with a machete, trying to clear out the weeds so that the path is visible. Take the path you choose...see it as you will, but for gawd sake SEE the path..not some deer trail that our brains have fooled us into THINKING is the path! The path we're on leads to nothing and nowhere. Although we can't harm the universe or anything in it (really), isn't the lost potential that lies within our reach, in some way a harm, or at least a disservice to everything around us? To everything (matter/ that has in one way or another contributed to getting us to THIS point in our evolution as material objects? We have gone from being mere matter/energy to being SENTIENT living beings made of that same matter/energy. Not through our own efforts, not by the creative efforts of other little brains, but through the events of our history...of the history of the material of which we are composed.

The least we can do is show a little appreciation. It's like looking at your creator as if it were a fistful of dirt. It's like looking at your grandparents as if they were a handful of rocks, a bottle of bugs, bricks in a wall. We are a part of everything that is around us, and yet we insist that we are above other material things somehow. How presumptuous is THAT?
We are no better than anything around us, no worse either...we are simply more fortunate...that's all.

This is OUR turn..when will we stop bitching about what we don't have and start appreciating what we DO have?
Teenage Jesus I have, and continue to, agree with you. I'm simply saying that you can lead a horse to water, etc. YOU appreciate. I appreciate. But we can't MAKE anybody else do so. We can HELP. But we can't FORCE.

The hardest part about being right is letting others be wrong for as long as they need to be. It doesn't matter how right you are. Sometimes all we can do is deliver the message, and then wait.

Frankly, if folks agreed too early, you'd have to wonder about the actual level of understanding.
Sailor Jupiter "My God, are we gonna be just like our parents?"
"Not me. Ever."
-The Breakfast Club
daxle Funny, the line of reason seems to be between those blatherers still dealing with being parented and those being parents. I think that makes it pretty obvious that you're all wrong. The answer is always somewhere in between. 020628
Dafremen That would make sense, especially coming from someone at that age just between adolescence and parent-of-an-adolescent, dax.

Course I thought that everyone else was wrong when I was that age too.

I've sort of firmed up my stance on that position since those days.
freakizh my father is close enough to be considered a drunk. he can't pass a day without at least 3 days.

when he's drunk i feel embarrassed and angry. at the same time i feel i'm strong enough to learn what responsibility is by myself.

i do not understand how can my mother sticks around with a man with so many flaws.. geez, he's my father and human,
but isn't he an adult too?
Aimee it's amazing how true this is... I try so hard to maintain my temper around them, but it just doesn't work. My mom is constantly criticizing, and i'm just feeling like I'm 4 all over again; getting scolded for playing in her make up... 020831
shoccolo - the queen of run-on scentences i don't know anymore...

is it the worst, or the best? hard to say.

i'm quite proud of myself each time i react to circumstances as they would have. i suppose i'm growing, and it scares the living hell out of me, but i feel secure knowing i can ask them all about it, and they have insights to share, which i am finally willing to understand.
celestias shadow considering everything 'in' me was created by me, by saying they bring out the worst in me i would have to counter by saying they also bring out the best in me. but they don't. they don't bring out anything in me. i_bring_out_the_worst_in_myself. 031104
Machiavelli70 Mayhap you're looking it it wrong. Parents bring out your inadequacies. You learn the most in your most vulnerable state. 040305
axled It probably would have been more accurate to say, "I am easily triggered by my parent(s)" It's something I'm still navigating. I clearly see myself getting way more upset when my mom does something than I would if anyone else had done (or said) the same thing. It makes obvious sense. There's a deep history there, and what would seem superficial with anyone else, feels deep with a parent.
I've also had the opportunity to see lots of kids with their parents over the years, now, including my own. I'm sure many more eloquent than I have described the unique strife of the parent/child struggle. But just as you have the opportunity to see each of their worst, you also have the chance to see their best.
no reason well-said. and it can be harder to handle if your parents aren't necessarily people who you'd keep in touch with if you weren't related, or if you don't naturally get along, or if they don't really get you. it's hard when people you have so much history will never entirely know you. 140122
nrs inner grammar check *people with whom you have so much history 140122
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