tired_of_living_on_hope done living on hope i'm not sure what it is but i just don't feel like i want this life any more... i guess i'm just sick of it, and i've realized its not goin any where, at least not any where worth going. i'm not saying i want to to kill myself but, i just don't see what would be wrong with dying now, yeah it probably sounds selfish but thats because it is... as i sit here on this bus looking out the window i see slums and ghettos.. i just don't want to live like that, or dye there.... and i don't see the oposite in my future. hell i don't even see love in my life again. and i question what i have so often. i mean i know she says she loves me, but i have so many doubts. i mean its things like the fact that her friends ask me to go out to the mall w/ them more than she has, or that she would always rather spend time w/ her friends than me.... and there are things i see in myself, changes, that if i saw in her i guess i would have done or said some thing, and its not like i try to hide it, i mean i told her i starded smokin weed, i just failed a class, my increasing insomnia, i'm no longer takin a fucken pill to make me fell better, hell i even told her the other day i lied my way throught therapy, and i feel myself slipping again.... i just felt if some one truely loved another person they might see this as bad... so often it feels like our relationship is nothing more than physical.. i don't want top make it sound like she's the only problem either... just the other day i was thinking about how i ould feel if she found somebody else, and i figured out that i'm either an emotionless fuck or i don't really love her as much as i think i do, i'm not sure how true this is because i was baked at the time.... the other thing is i often question my attraction to others.. i9'm just fed up with this life and where i see it going... thats it i'm done, i'm to tired to keep fighting, i lay down my weapons and wait for the end. 010417 ... Pythagorus Maybe this girl is bringing you down. You don't need that. Life is to short to waste time with shallow, selfish people. Love will come and go throughout the rest of your life, and you wont have any control over it. Just let it be, no need to even worry about it... EVER! But, I'm sure you are not being completely fair in your contemplations. You are looking for negatives, seeking out problems. It's called critical thinking and they probably taught this in school. If you turn that around, and actually look for postitive things, seek out the bright side and count your blessings, you will unleash a powerful new attractant in your life and the "right people" will automatically surround you. At least, that's what my experience says. However, the words Tired of living on hope form an oxymoron. You don't seem to be living on hope at all, you actually carry tones of desperation, which is indicative of a negative attitude. Negative attitudes are dangerous, and even deadly for some, (although not for you because you are not suicidal) and negative attitudes can be caused be others, or yourself. The most important thing to remember is that you have a choice. A choice in how to deal with things, a choice to be in a good or bad mood. a choice to be happy or depressed. If someone is hurting you, you need to heal from that wound, then you will feel better. 010418 ... keeper hun more than anything, please dont throw your life away, because you should know that there are many here that actually care about you, me especially. i myself am sick of living on hopes and dreams, and many times have i actually thought and tried to end it. however, i didnt want others last thoughts of me to be that i was selfish. the majority of the time i see no good in anything i do. and i know you feel the same. and though you dont feel love from her, i do love you hun. it may not be the kind that youre looking for, but you do mean a lot to me. youve helped me more than you might realize. and having doubts doesnt mean that youre looking at the negative, its mean that she is giving you a reason to doubt. and in all honesty you should. if you see your relationship as something than the reality is thats all it is. from someone else's eyes she does you no good, especially in the long run. and there is no bias here. ive told you time and again that there is someone else out there for you, and i still believe there is. just let your wall down. let others see you as you really are and many will start to love you rather than fear you. you are full of emotion. dont let yourself think otherwise. youre awesome whether you want to admit it or not. and maybe you are slipping, but i am always here to catch you. always. i love you hun 010418 ... lil red girlie It sounds so cliched, butwhen you least expect it, you will find someone who just fits you. It will feel just like home to be with them and all those questions will be gone. It feels like shit right now, but if you can be the best version of yourself every day, whatever that may be, that person who feels like home will get the chance to have their life made better by loving you. Remember you have smooches from me too XOXOXOXOXOXOX 010419 ... abms i live on hope and always have. why? cause it always been the only thing i had the only reason to get up in the morning the only reason to keep on living, but then those hopes get trampled and you start to wonder whats the use of even getting out a bed. 010420 ... abms but there are reasons hun, they are all around us. hell hun you have no idea how many times i thought about killing myself. i can really close one time. and i sat there crying hysterically with my dads gun and that scared me to death. it scared me that i could go that far. im always scared. always fearing whats gonna happen next. but even with all of that i still love my life. cause i have people like you to share it with. i dont know all the anwsers i dont know exactly how you feel. but i know what i felt and what i go through. and you know what helps. talking to my friends just writing out silly things backgrounds late at night when we cant sleep or are bored to death. you are one of the people who lights up my life. i dont live my life with hopes anymore.. i live my life with friends. 010420 ... oh pee um just tired of living 010505 ... melvinwang hope is useless unless it is sometimes fulfilled, otherwise it just leads to more despair 010506 ... forever To all of you At one point or another, you will all get tiered of liveing on hope, you wil get tiered of just hoping that something good will happen or that the right someone will come around. You will get tiered of hopeing that you made the right desision, or hopeing that you will not get hurt. I know for i have. Even though hope has let me down even though their have been times when i don't want to go on i get up and go again. Most of the time it is becuase of you my friends. pick me up and push me along. My friends, when nothing goes right and it seems like there is no hope left. don't give up. You are all beautiful and strong, All of you will make it throuhg your life. and if you feel like no one is there to help you remember i am always here. I love all of you and remember all of you are in my heart. When it seems like no one is close to you then let you wall down. You have to let people love you so you can be loved and you have to lveo yourself before others see the you inside. Don't let others look at your outside and judge you even though there will always be people who do that. open up and let them in your heart. even if you get hurt it si for the better becuse you learned to let people see the true you the you inside. never forget i love you all. ALWAYS AND FOREVER 010721 ... baby satan tired of living on hope? then die! 010721 ... Aimee how bout living on a prayer instead? 010721 ... paste! yes, bon jovi was worth something after all. 010721 ... Becky Well, you may have written what you did 6 monthes ago.. and me never having read it til now.. because well.. you hide a lot from me, you lie to me.. and you pretend some things you post aren't true. Well I'm tired_of_living_on_lies 011020 ... starfire 9 monthes ago and we're still together.. strange, don't you think? Seeing how to opinions of you and the blather public seemed to think that we shouldn't be together.. see what happenes when you poke and prod looking for attention... hmm? You make me look like an asshole that's what you do. 020123 ... ClairE It's not very filling. I think it's the inescapablity of the mechanism of life that really brings me down. Sometimes happiness can bring you down. 020124 ... silent storm I thrive on hope. Where there is hope, there is strength. (At least for me) 020125 ... red Hope is a good thing..maybe the best of things--and good things never die. 020603 ... red hope is a good thing..maybe the best of things...and good things never die 020603 ... unhinged that's what the drugs are for silly 020603 ... ShilohLives My life has been running on hope for 3 or more years now. And REally just clinging on hope for like 1 & 1/2 years now... I dunno it's like I know that one of these days things will fall into place, but right now I'm trying to put a scattered puzzle with missing pieces. I'm in San Fran Dancing (which has been my life sence I was like 3) The only reason I'm here is because hope helped me get a scholarship that paid for my toutiton to this little Ballet school that I absolutely love. Richard Gibson and Zory something or other run it and It is a God send for me. I am really blesed. But the rest of my life sux. Lol. I have no love life. My home life is a mess. I'm happy I'm living up here for the summer so I don't have to be at home because I was really close to a nervous breakdown. My friends don't seem to remember that I exist. I'm glad I'm living with 3 of my friends, but I miss my close friends and they don't seem to remember me or that I'm up here waiting them to call me. Summer homework beckons, bit I'm still hopeing that I can pull it all off while dancing every day. I don't get to use a computer hardly at all all summer. I don't have one of my own up here so I'm gonna have to survive on Computer cafes and the charity of my room mate. I need...more hope because underneath it all my hope is running dry. My life sounds really good in the picture that I have painted for you here, but for some reason It feels sooo much worse. I've left parts out and they will be forever left out. 030713 ... . . 031015 ... love & hate Tired of living for the one thing i know will happen when its ready, but still am so unimaginably frightened that it wont. Hope, the thing that is meant to make us continue on living, through all of the hard shit which life deals us out. But what happens when that hopes lost? Do we die, do we just exist in a daze? Or does that hope last forever, even if forever will never happen. Why does it continue to be like this? When forever may never happen. Therefore, does that mean that i have hope for forever to finally happen to? I am so tired on living on hope. Please just show me something so i know that forever is just around the corner and your love, the thing i most hope for to continue living for, will come back. Will come rushing back into my heart like a dam that has burst its walls and is flooding the entire country side. Let is flood my heary and my body and soul. Seeping into every last little inch of me so nowhere is dry anymore. Let the love come flowing back so i no longer have to live on the hope that it will and that forever truly exists. Cause i am drained, i am tired, i am completely and utterly worn out from living on hpe. Just show me that there is reason behind my madness. Oh please katie. You are my angel. 040918 ... f Hope is over rated, so is luck. 040919 ... unhinged still_tired 190716 ... . that_was_that 231124 what's it to you? who go blather from