how_andru235_was_ten_years_ago andru235 circa 1995 i see right through you. you are squalid, if not meaningless. the only thing worse than being you would be: ...being anything else. it is all a charade, a hoax, a non-ness. your desire to live is merely based in your fear of being apathetic towards living. a mask for your mask, really; what is beneath your facade is another facade, the latter concealing a hot-air balloon. the decades will cool the air and your balloon will not float. since neither the universe nor the atomic world could care less about you, why not go on a wreckless spree of hedonism? why 'not', i asked, and do take note of it. there are many reasons why you shouldn't but it would be a waste of my precious time to delineate them for you. i do not know anything, and neither do you. our large brains are merely there to tease us with feigned evolutionary impressions. see the wreck we forge for the planet! not the product of a wise species. but that is what the ages 'evolved', so one sees the idiocy of the ages. creation was a mistake and now it has gotten out of hand. you waste your time continuing to exist but you are trapped in it...even death cannot save you. over and over, through birth after birth, you are condemned to live without pause for rest. it matters little, what great power we have to steer our future existences, because it is a power we are to foolish to harness. earthly power has distracted us and what an index of our miserable prospects it is. the large brain, and yet our 'great' pleasures are ever yet eating and fucking, like the beasts we haven't transcended while making war on them for their inferiority. we tell ourselves it is not a war, for it is a comfort to avoid the shocking lack of civility amongst the civilized. like birds born for flight yet live forever on the ground, you are, and you crawl into the caverns to escape your potentials. i am no better. you lament your worthlessness, yet refuse they who reveal unto you your greater potentials. you regret your ineptitude yet scorn the teacher...and then, clamoring for an education, follow the first fool who claims to know anything about anything; thinking you have overcome your scorn for the teacher deludes you into failure: a failure to see that =you= are the teacher you had sought. the other leads you off a cliff, and you blame your inability to understand. well, that is the problem now, isn't it. so now you adhere to the trivial maxims of the sagacious as a boulder adheres to steep slope, tumbling with such ease. it never strikes you that the trite phrases are useless to climb back up again, but why should it? you have decided upon the ocean as a destination; specifically, the floor of the ocean. your aim is oblivion and you are determined to arrive. but there is no escape. as you sink into the sea the darkness pervades your vision but you feel the chill, is this the chill of death? into the abyss, there is nothing but the chill...you have escaped... that is, you have escaped 'nothing'. at first you settle into the sea floor. so quiet...so calm...so irritating when your eyes adapt to the near lack of light, and you are forced to see again. there is not much to see, and you are stuck looking at it. awareness without stimulation seemed like a resort when you looked through the brochure. now you are sitting here, and there is nothing, but unfortunately, there isn't enough of it. a shortage of nothing. shadowy movements. after sitting for so long, so very, very long, you have forgotten of the chill. yet you shiver...wait, are you shaking? no, it is a quake, and if you aren't at first certain, it becomes a surety when the magma erupts beneath you. seering heat after a chill produces such a thrill...you had renounced thrills, hadn't you. you melt. the tough stone gives way to gelatinous goo. the thrill has released you from your casing; as the rock boils you escape in a bubble. as you float upward from your place of false respite, you recall with desperation your efforts to attain nonexistence. you resolve to become a 'greater nihilist', as if that makes any sense. but the floating is so gentle...so soothing...the dimness of the pleasure is balanced by its constancy. you pass brilliant, colorful fishes, and the sharks that will eat them, and the aquatic carrions that will eat the shark. ooh, a reef. soon you reach the surface. your bubble bursts, and you float into the sky. fuck you. why am i wasting my time. you are a fucking idiot like i am. who cares whether you think or not; really, you don't think. it's merely an illusion you have cast upon yourself. maybe you thought once before, and now call yourself a thinker, like a surfed-once-surfer. a petty charlatan, like the other ratty apes. fuck you. you don't love me and i don't like you. everything sucks. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 050727 ... daf Oh my. Haven't you hit upon some very esoteric truths along the way. What an interesting reaction. What a strange conclusion to have drawn. That it is all futile and abhorrent. There is a very large ego there, possessed of some fairly hard to come by information..both areas of personal expertise unfortunately. You are a certainly a curious and familiar character andru. Would it be impolite to ask you a few questions? (And if so, would you please forgive my rudeness?) Do you think that it is worse to act selfishly, destroying out of ignorance or to do so when fully aware of what it is that you are doing? What has happened in 10 years? Have you learned the difference between ideas that are put into action and those that are not? A man once said that when he walked in the dark, he'd bring his own light. And even though we knew he didn't own a flashlight, still that always made sense for some reason. 050727 ... andru235 =================== the first question =================== [[answer#1a]] selfless sara gives mike her one candy bar, making mike happy. john witnesses this and feels rejected because sara didn't choose to give him the candy bar, and now he is sad. so sara's selflessness was good, but it was also bad. selfish samantha hordes her candybar, refusing to even *think* of sharing it. mike doesn't receive a burst of happy, but john doesn't receive a burst of sad. so either has its pros and cons, like anything. [[answer#1b]] lila and her nemesis are about to die of hunger. lila has a meal in her pocket. she can be selfless, and give the meal to her nemesis, or she can be selfish, and eat the meal herself. either way someone dies. is destruction any better when it arises from selflessness?!? [[answer#2]] animal tester 'a' does not know the injection will kill the animal. animal tester 'b' knows, and does so anyway (perhaps 'b' believes something else will be gained, i.e. knowledge). the result is the same. 'a' does not strike me as better or worse than 'b'. both were animal testing. [[answer#3]] all exits lead to entrances. to me the pity isn't the destruction itself; it is the seperation from a beloved (realm of) creation. =================== the second question =================== a decade passed. the sensation that i've been here way too long persisted throughout. =================== the third question =================== "uh, no. what's the difference between an idea put into action and one that isn't?" you must be kidding; that, or you are patronizing me. i am not open for business. ========================= afterword: provided that you, dafreman, continue to generate new visions (or whatever expression of that idea works for you) about existence, you'll bear your own light when entering the dark. what that guy said makes sense to you because you have done it, and probably rather often. but you already know that. :) 050728 ... daf What a charming person you are turning out to be. That is refreshing. (Once upon a time I preferred the Socratic Method of discussion, but found it to be too unforgiving of perfectly natural inconsistencies that arise throughout the course of a discussion. I felt like a card cheat using a cheap parlor trick to take my opponents' loot. So instead, if it's alright, let's start with the part that's most bothersome.) Patronizing wasn't the purpose of the question. The purpose of the question was to ask Why manifest something negative by giving it life, by propagating it? The feeling that you've been here too long..ditto. One advantage that ran across me along the way is that I believe I know when I'm going to die. (Just the year.) It doesn't make it any easier..you still get impatient. Yet at the same time, isn't it pretty amazing? (Meaning what's outside of the human stupidity, waste and misery.) So much to discover and play with, so little time. When do you think they'll figure it out? Oh wait, based on your comments thus far, I'm gunna guess you don't think they ever will? Now to your answer-examples: 1a: Sara's selfless act caused no bad. It was John's societal conditioning that led him to transform not being chosen to receive material gain into an indicator that he was somehow being rejected. His animal urge won out and then his mind created his own misery. In reality, John was no worse off than he had been, and he had just witnessed a beautiful act of sharing. But all he could think about was the loss of something that was never his to begin with. 1b: First of all, as you've stated, we get to come back. Well actually we CAN come back, not everyone does. If the light isn't allowed to peek out through the dirt and manifest itself in the world, then what good is it? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. So the absolute best thing you could do to ensure your own long-term survival would be to give the food to your nemesis. Then there shouldn't be any but a transient destruction. Dirt consumes, light feeds. 2: Animal tester a does not know the injection will kill the animal. He is not making a decision to kill the animal, but to do something that may be harmful to the animal. It's a rotten example but the point is still there. It's a decision to kill with absolute knowledge. Of course what a tricky answer though, because in reality, what happened in either case was meant to happen and so who is to be judged by either of us? (Making your final conclusion also absolutely right.) 3: Do you know what it means when a line that someone writes touches to the heart of you? There are no more tender emotions than those that are felt for this beloved Creation. All exits lead to entrances indeed, no destruction, just the cycle that flows on forever. Your best answer of all. You have a light of your own. Do you bring it out very often? Or is it reserved for special occasions? 050728 what's it to you? who go blather from