new_ink Bizzar no pain is more beautiful than the sting of my art, embedded in my flesh. 040107 ... Bizzar i can admit that i am an addict. the ink, now, runs through my veins. 4 in less than a year and a half. not a bad rate, eh? for it's the smell of the disinfectant, and the familiar buzzing sound that gets me going. but it's the pain that does me in. the pain that i am addicted to. and i know this because, after sitting in the chair for over 2 hours, feeling that needle grinding up against my bone, the second it was finished. all i wanted was more. the art left in it's place is beautiful, but it's the sting of the needle that i crave. the sight of my blood, blackened with ink dripping from my arm... in that lies my addiction. his brutality is beautiful, the one who inks me. he digs it so much harder than all the others. he's not gentle because i'm a small girl. he puts all his strength into it the way he does all the guys who go to him as well. i am in love with his needle. and the way he uses it. i need more. feed the addition. 040427 ... cornerstone . 040907 ... unhinged almost healed, but not quite 040907 ... unhinged yeah, and it was definitely the pain that made me think of where i would get the next one even as the first one was drying. he asked me who went with me and i said no one. he said he would have gone with me. i wanted to go by myself. maybe that's why the guys behind the counter were staring at me; now that i think of it, i didn't notice anyone in there by themselves. and i'm sure i appeared to be on drugs with my morbid depression and my brush with near-death as a i crossed the street on my way from the bus stop : stares and my hands shaking; nervous habit that tends to make me look like a crackhead. (as i walked into the corner ghetto mart for some smokes after we had been rolling and my hands shaking under the scrutiny of his stare asked for some cigarettes and he pointed to the blunt wraps and said 'are you sure that's all?') he had me sitting on a stool bent over, to divert the blood away from it i suppose and he started the gun up buzzing like a drill in a dentist's office and said 'just tell me if it hurts okay?' 'yep' and i sat there for a good half hour and when he scratched the bone i winced and when he got to the left side where the majority of the ink is, i inhaled sharply. and i had to keep reminding myself to breathe; the position i was in was not conducive to breathing either. the weight of my spine constricting my diaphragm so that i had to concentrate rather hard on my short and even breaths so as not to jerk. i really do have a problem with that, nervous twitching and jerking. but the way it felt over all, letting someone else drag across my skin and leave something more beautiful than scars behind....i forgot to tip the guy. it seems weird tipping someone for something that intimate. but it is already healed mostly in less than the two weeks he said it would take and it is as close as i could have gotten to the copy i took in there. i considered going back the next day to leave him a tip but was too self-conscious. i know where i'm going to get my next one. right below my braline in the front. or maybe on it. from now on, someone else is going to drag it for me. 040907 ... demure S - ink 041011 ... unhinged he ( of john_and_i ) started getting all these awesome tattoos after i left town from this guy on oakland across from the liquor store that he frequented. he got his from the guy that owned the place and they spent many hours collaborating on artwork/ideas and the artist spent a lot of time drawing them up and such. his pseudodavinci that's half woman half cello is probably one of the most beautiful tattoos i've ever seen. i guess if i was a tattoo artist, i would prefer someone like him who gave me some ideas and then basically let me run with it. so i of course got the itch for more ink almost immediately after i got my first one and then i see the awesome stuff this guy can do and that's the end, i'm gonna get a second one. i already had it in mind and i wasn't going to offer as much collaboration but after what happened with my first one and it needing to be blown up to all hell supposedly cause they couldn't do the characters that small i was a little concerned. i was a little hesitant at first and it took me a couple days to get into the shop. yeah, it is a permanent thing but that's not really why i was hesitant. i think it's because of the judgement involved in a situation like that. his tattoo artist wasn't there when we got there but one of the other artists took a look and said it wouldn't be a problem and he had a cancellation later that night. i came back a couple hours later more excited than nervous. craig the tattoo dude was outside of the shop washing his car when we got there since he owns the building and lives above the shop. we went over to talk to him and he asked me where i wanted it. it had to go preferably in between my boobs but if it had to be placed a little lower to make the logistics easier that was cool. he looked at me skeptically and said 'well do you have any other tattoos cause that's really gonna hurt.' yeah, that was the judgement that i was afraid of. i wasn't dressed in headtotoe black with some strange facial piercings and visible tattoos so i had to be some kind of poser or some shit. he quoted me two different prices based on location and finished washing the car. i decided i was going to get it where i originally wanted it even though it was more expensive there. they were playing tool's aenima. that made me smile. i had to take off my shirt for him to place the stencil. but the placement was still too low. i walked through the shop to look in the mirror and decided he was right. so i had to take off my bra for him to put it in the right spot. his chair was in the front window of the the store. so he pulled the blinds and set up all these screens around the chair. getting a tattoo topless to tool. yes, it was a perfect experience. 050913 ... acrs getting_blather_tattooed 080506 ... u24 I've never been inked. I can never decide what to have done. I was going to have some PHP code tattooed on me at one point, but I decided against it in case I ever switched my prefered language. 080618 ... unhinged it is therapeutic for me. i am going to talk to my guy soon about design for my back mural. the medicine buddha and some of my favorite verses from the dhammapada with whatever connecty stuff. many sessions. much money. beautiful artwork as a result. 080618 ... SleepieCloud 7 PM EST Invictus... 080618 ... unhinged the story of me broken_hearted painted on my skin impermanence made permanent 090127 ... unhinged tattoo #1: because my brother moved to hawaii tattoo #2: because i dropped out of school, i couldn't tell him how i really felt about him, his artist was bomb tattoo #3: because i got horribly attached to him and then he dragged me through the mud for months last straw being the psycho hoochie hood rat he finally decided he 'was ready to date' tattoo #4: will be because my heart still aches over that asshole, and i am tired from all the long_distance_love ; so tired my echoing_thought comes back more often than i'd like. we were talking in the break room about why i wanted another one and he said the spoken reasons i gave him were stupid reasons for getting a tattoo. i feel attacked by him on a regular basis; a smile flashed across my lips. i never told him i got my last one because he broke my heart. 090127 ... unhinged i'm making an appointment on tuesday no more fucking around 100124 ... minnesota_chris the only thing more boring than tattoos is people who want to talk about their tattoos 100125 ... ol Skite and Chris - you're complaining about people talking about their tattoos, so that puts you on a whole new level of boring! :) 100125 ... unhinged and color too it is beautiful 100820 ... unhinged shit i thought this one was going to be celebratory but even this one has a sad connotation to it sure it is me celebrating my shambhala success and maybe i should think of it also as celebrating my life successes here on_my_way_out but it feels more like grieving at a loss than joying at a gain 110715 ... unhinged my newest ink is still sore but it is fucking amazingly beautiful. the artist took a picture for his personal archives so you know its good and it got the ultimate compliment from my brother. he said its gangster. hehe is giddy over carrying this art on her back for the rest of her life 110716 ... u24 still no ink on me 140507 ... unhinged funny you bring this up. ive been thinking i might get another one with my next windfall from extra teaching hours but i'm not sure what the hell i would get 140508 ... u24 see that's always what stopped me. I'm notoriously bad at making decisions. What to eat, which of the two virtually identical product to buy, etc. Something permanent? Lol. I might take 100 years. 140509 ... dafremen I remember the movies and occasional news stories from the 80s where New York subway cars were COVERED in graffiti. Mostly because people took those cars for granted, didn't care much about them..wanted to say "I WAS HERE!" "I exist!" "Look at ME!" I have one tattoo that is actually two tattoos. I have no idea why I did it. I was 18 and 22 when they were inked. In my history, only abusers cause me pain. Even if that abuser is me..it's still the same. Maybe we give in willingly to the pain because, like those subway cars, we take our bodies for granted and don't really care for ourselves much. Maybe. 140510 ... unhinged none of my tattoos were ever because i didn't care about myself. quite the opposite actually. i put a lot of thought into what i was putting on my body each time, to make sure it was a mark i would want there for the rest of my life. yes, it was about pain. i guess i've always been somewhat of a sadist. but it was also about giving a more artistic outlet to my pain. and transforming some of the severe mental pain into something more manageable. that's probably why i haven't been able to come up with any good ideas for new tattoos lately. i've found other ways to transmute my suffering. but i do not regret any of the time or money i have spent on putting ink on my body. 140510 ... unhinged all the love that went wrong it is piling up i am running out of skin easily hidden 150121 ... . new_years_resolutions 230102 what's it to you? who go blather from