i_am_stretched_on_your_grave sabbie (trad. irish) (best version by eden) I am stretched on your grave And will lie there forever If your hands were in mine I'd be sure we'd not sever My apple tree my brightness It's time we were together For I smell of the earth And am worn by the weather When my family thinks That I'm safe in my bed From night until morning I am stretched at your head Calling out to the air With tears hot and wild My grief for the girl That I loved as a child Do you remember The night we were lost In the shade of the blackthorn And the chill of the frost Thanks be to Jesus We did what was right And your maiden head still Is your pillar of light The priests and the friars Approach me in dread Because I still love you My love and you're dead I still would be your shelter Through rain and through storm And with you in your cold grave I cannot sleep warm So I'm stretched on your grave And will lie there forever If you hands were in mine I'd be sure we'd not sever My apple tree my brightness It's time we were together For I smell of the earth And am worn by the weather 011114 ... lovers lament on warm days i stretch myself the length of your casket, pretending i am 5 again and laying on your stomach while you sleep and i act like it. i'm still pleased that your stone is at the top of the hill. the sunsets are so amazing to see from where you lay. and then there's your eternal flame in the distance, a flicker of fire on the horizon. sometimes it seems like i just saw you yesterday, but most days it just seems like i've always been fatherless. i buried my emotions with your body, to keep you warm in the winters since you hated them so much. i keep saying i'm sorry, i miss you, i love you, but i'm conflicted as to whether or not you can actually hear me. i want to believe it so much, but it's kind of like when Brian Senyk's dog died when i was like 8. they told me he went to dog heaven, and i believed it because it was easy. so my very quiet and timid logical side sometimes does a funky dr. jekyll thing and starts screaming at me. don't believe it because it's easy! believe what's real, but how do i even know it's not? i don't. perpetual inner argument. i don't want to take the easy way out anymore. i want to be strong. 011115 ... continuous ache it was six years in february. six years. sometimes the little things that i remember catch me off guard. you're just one more person that destroyed my faith in love. i actually want to thank you for that more than anything. ------at least i was ready for this disappointment------ 020329 ... reitoei i dont have anyone's grave to lie on so i pick one. a pleasant day. lying on a concrete slab in the silence of a graveyard. i dont want to be here. here with foolish, dejected pat on valentines day. cheap red wine from etched new years 2000 glasses. why am i here? why does he go to the graveyard without alyxx? why did i drink half a glass of too sweet wine toasting him to some meaningless thing? neither of us like the wine and its pointless, especially for me, im not a part of it. we have to go the county clerk and find the property lines. not today, he says 020330 ... Arwyn it must have been 2 years ago now when I fell asleep on your grave. I just curled up there and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and almost felt better. 020802 ... little wonder the first time I listened to this song I couldn't help but cry. 021013 ... Rickster You were once my companion, always by my side. No matter the time of day, night, we were always together to reside. You showed me infinite love and held me in your arms, I did my best to show you the same, in return. I cannot explain to you how it felt with words, when you left my life, unseen and unheard. You had so much to live for, yet you were taken so young. I curse GOD and his bigger fucking plan. Who is he to decide the fates? How can he be the one, to tell me it's okay? How can he be the one to tell me when I should stop the remorse, it's not his fucking place to tell me such things! I find myself crying, something I have not been able to do for such a long time, the rememberence of you, the loss of the shared time. You meant everything to me at the time you were with me, yet you left this world due to horrible causes. Why is God so fucking cruel, I feel that he has singled me out and beaten me and used me like a tool. In my life I have always strived to do my best, to create my surroundings and be honest with everyone, and myself. Yet the treachery of this God that seems so loving, his infinite compassion is a fucking joke. He means nothing to me, I doubt he ever will, You've lost all of my faith you fucking pathetic old man over the hill. Just the thought alone of what you have taken away, makes me mad, hate, want to destroy EVERYTHING you say. You people want your God to be so merciful, yet he takes out those that have done nothing but plee. WHY can you not see there is more of a problem, because you turn your back to us, we're not your children. You think you can be called our creator, in fact now I think you hated her. You took her away from, and from her family and friends, you showed me no love, no compassion, no means to an end. I held onto her as long as I could, one day she turned up missing, never to be seen again. I found out later what had happened to my one, she died a horrible death at the cause of a man with a fucking gun. The pain I want to cause to this man that took her away, could not be compared in any other way. If I ever find you, you better pray to your God, If I ever see you, you'll burn there on the spot. My rage has consumed me wholey, you took away my heart, you took it away stomped on it, never letting me start. You fucking bastard I'll kill you dead, I'll find out where you are and rip of your mother fucking head. You'll learn your lesson, you caused such tragedy, you took away the mother of a child that was only 3, you fucking imbecile you know nothing of pain. I will show you when I bring upon you the crimson rain. I will dig my knife in your heart and eat it, you ruined my life at one time now your going to feel it! These tears are stopping their flowing, I realize I cry for a lost cause, yet you meant so much to me, I thought I knew what for. I cannot let myself cry forever, I must be strong, and realize that its something thats over. Not willing to let go of your embrace on my heart, your always going to be there, when I close my eyes and see you with a cold blank stare. This will forever be my reminder of you, you made my life complete, now its just fucking screwed. I found someone else who has helped me fill this void, this hole that I have, yet I still feel odd. Something will always be missing from where it was before, but I know this now and have accepted it. I shall continue on with my life, and do the best of my ability. Perhaps you are the one that taught me myself, I thank you for your love that we shared. You told me so much, and taught me how to care. I love you forever sweetheart, I will see you in dreams from time to time, just so we can keep up with telling our silly little stories to each other under the stars. 021227 ... continuous ache seven years now... seven years and still i bleed. i still miss your smile, still need you. still imagine moments in time when i could feel your arms. and your charm disarmed me from birth till the stars. you live in my scars as a memory; you are the light in me. the dusk spent in the comfort of a lover's arms. my worth judged and found ro be wanting. karma. and i'm filled with this longing to hear the sound of your heart, the art of your indifference, my common sense is gone with your breath. 030315 ... phil mourning 040521 ... notphil morning 040521 ... Deomis I am upon your grave and fast asleep with the salt tears dried upon my lips that once kissed the earth upon your body that once held me close to your love that has withered and died like the flowers scattered over the cold earth 040522 what's it to you? who go blather from