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ain't_it_great_to_be_a_man
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2 1/2 wise cracks
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It's great to be a guy because...
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
Foreplay is optional.(Editor's Note: You just keep thinking that.)
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; tuxedo rental $100.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
No maxi-pads.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes; one color, all seasons.
You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
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010209
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kx21
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Is it true that
' Great ' implied ' Good ' , and
vice versa ?
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010209
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endless desire
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*sigh*
.
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.
well girls are pretty.
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030626
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splinken
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Um, my life has been maxi pad free for years, and I'm a girl.
[We now return you to our regularly scheduled baiting]
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030626
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splinken
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shit, that was years ago. heh.
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030626
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Dafremen
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First scratch of the morning..that's what's great about being a guy.
That and writing your name in the snow.
(Oh and pissing off of cliffs!!)
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030626
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jane
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y'know...
some girls out there know how to turn a nut onto a bolt.
and some guys have more shoes than i do.
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030626
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Dafremen
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But can you wizz off of a cliff in a glorious arc of gold without hitting your sho0z?
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030626
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pobodys nerfect
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*agrees with jane*
Besides,I know a guy that once bragged about being able to run backwards and pee at the same time. He claimed that THAT was the great standard of being manly. How many guys here can do that? ;)
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030626
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endless desire
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i must admit that i, too, am maxi pad free.
thank god.
i would die if i wasn't.
and who knows?
maybe i can pee off a cliff, too?
yeah i bet i could do a damn good job of peeing off a cliff. and no one here can say that i couldn't.
oh and i don't have a wallet.
though i must admit i am somewhat jealous of the simplicity of any male's life.
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030626
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endless desire
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ooh and just because i can't help to add it. about the wedding plans thing. well i was reading this article in people ((i don't know why keep talking about it)) about these psycho guys who take over weddings and do crazy stuff with them. the theory is that more couples are having to pay for their own weddings nowadays, so guys are taking over. there were some really hilarious stories.
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030626
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Dafremen
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Your words are uncharacteristically incomprehensible tonite. Perhaps it's the mental image of you dribbling down your legs as you "do a damn good job of peeing off a cliff" that created the disconnect. I'll look into it.
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030627
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jane
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well there were more things about that list that pissed me off...
but i just wanted to make an example.
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030627
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jane
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and hey.....women could pee off a cliff if they wanted to! like...with some ankle straps and the help of a trustworthy friend..
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030627
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endless desire
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really daf, please don't make that mental image. it's really not pretty.
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030627
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celestias shadow
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man, i wish I knew stuff about tanks.....
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031001
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phil
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pocket knife?
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031001
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AND
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Your dad teaches you everything he knows while you are 12.
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031001
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pipedream
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i bet a girl could SO pee off a cliff (provided she had to go really really bad)
and girls can create new little girls, mbwahahaha
and we can cry if we want, people will give us their coats if we're cold and if THEY freeze its just tough- AND we get the PMS excuse. hooray!
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031002
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Dafremen
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That's another great thing about being a man. YOU (girls) can't create new baby girls. Not without a man, anyway. Then we just shake it off and carry on. You won't be shaking it off for 9 months, and then only after having passed the equivilant of a bowling ball down your vaginal tract. OUCH!
Yea...it's GREAT to be a guy. PERIOD. (heheh i couldn't resist throwing THAT word in there.)
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031002
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once again
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It's one of my many stupid accomplishments that I can successfully (without pissing on my self, or getting other wise icky) pee standing.
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031002
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x
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ah but we're getting beyond the need for men. fertilization no longer requires them to be present, and soon, we won't need their sperm at all.
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031002
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phil
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split
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031002
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stork daddy
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ah, if only all scientists were crazy women, you might have a case.
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031002
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ferret
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i'm a crazy woman, or wait... no.... errr....mommy?
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031003
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pipedream
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cloning. *evil grin*
(people-cloning i am against, but just for the sake of a nose-thumbing hehe)
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031004
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TK
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Also see the word:
privilege
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031004
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Freak
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i wish i was a man. things would be so much easier. ....and i admit it....i have penis envy.
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031004
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stork daddy
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well...the y isn't everything...but it's not nothing either!
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031004
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jezabel
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i suppose it would be nice to
have power of privelige, have
burning appendage, be the completion
rather than the incomplete.
but, i must tell you, the joy, the
sheer depths of passion that can be found
in the blood of a rampaging_wenchbeast.
there is no other like it, there is no
heat its equal, there is no
taste its kin.
it is ecstacy.
revel in your dubious manhood;
i will continue to subvert you
in the most delicious ways
for my own enjoyment.
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031004
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mon
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i think y is important because
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031004
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niska
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ok, let's look at it this way...
no - we don't need a man physically to be there for conception to occurr. hell WE don't even need to be there these days...
but NOTHING in the world, regardless of our ideals, our new acceptance levels and our disregard for the natural order, will change the fact that without one X, and one Y chromosome, we cannot create a human life - regardless of whether it winds up an boy (XY) or a girl(XX).
the way we procreate is dependent on these the combination of these two variables; two opposite sexes.
i can't say it has anything to do with god. i can't say we can explain it scientifically when the question is 'why', but i CAN say that this is the way it is, so suck it up, or quit hoping to leave your gene pool open for future offspring.
there is no way, logically, that we could cast out one sex and say they are unnecessary. there would be no such thing as humanity if we did not co-exist; we may have the scientific means to propagate asexually at this time, but realisticly, if history has taught us ANYTHING, we will be reliant on the basic act of heterosexual reproduction in order to survive.
in other words - good ol' fashined fucking!
this cakewalk we're on won't last forever, kids. remember - we are animals at our core, and we cannot change it, regardless of how hard we try to pretend we're somehow much more 'evolved' than we are.
we ALL live in a symbiotic relationship with each other. without that, we cannot survive this world as human beings.
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031005
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stork daddy
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my point exactly! asexual just ain't our racket. good thing too because one virus could wipe out a bunch of clones. but could an egg be used as sperm...could an egg...be...mmmmm eggs
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031006
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what's it to you?
who
go
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blather
from
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