androgynous anne-girl passing by a group of people (slightly younger than me, I guess) "hanging out" by the drink machines one mutters something "goes to our school... always wondered yeah? -I've always wondered if you were a guy or a girl eh? really? heh. -yeah. So, what are you? girl. -oh, shit --idiot, I knew that -giggle um. -You know, you kind of remind me of michael jackson Thanks. (shudder) -You're welcome bye... walk away (conversation continues... I really always wondered... was never sure...) sigh. 040808 ... pigeon when i was younger no one could tell if i was a boy or a girl. i always had short hair cuts, and kept to myself... it wasn't until i started to grow boobs that strangers stopped mistaking me for a boy. 040808 ... anne-girl it effing happened again standing around, talking to a group of second-year guys "hey, you look like (point) him. Got the hair, the glasses, the boots... Any more parallels with our class?" hates being referred to as "that guy" 040828 ... anne-girl looking at my screen, "yeah, he has the same graph" ah, i suppose I could rectify it 040902 ... anne-girl need to stop chronicling this - was standing around with some friends, holding some fries, random_guy grabbed some and ate them ignored him, didn't feel particularly confrontational, then he asked what my name was, he repeats it disbelievingly my friend later said I shoulda hit him or something for double offense of stealing my fries and confusing my gender it's funny, I guess 040902 ... anne-girl hehe it so happened again... i got gypped, my lost id card so could have been in the female lost id card pile or not, you know so laughs 041206 ... androgynous girl more than five times last sunday... "so, this is your son?", they ask my mom... daughter... daughter... and twice walking the five blocks home from the bus stop - a parental friend says "so, you're her...", pauses, I fill in daughter. She says ah... i didn't think she had two sons, and i knew you weren't the other one... and then some bratty kids yelled after me "ARE YOU A GUY OR A GIRL???" a few blocks later... i laughed, loudly i've begun to assume that people think i'm a guy when i first meet them - it's just what happens. I don't care, though - not anymore... it's my fault i look like a guy, why should i blame anyone else? {people ask me why i don't mind, why i laugh... i reply that it's funny... my humanities teacher still thinks I'm a guy, i think} doesn't mind 050510 ... thorn i remember when i was little, everyone used to think i was a boy, because i had really short hair always wore pants instead of skirts or whatever. and actually, looking at some of the pictures, i did look like a boy. it's kind of strange. 050510 ... just a kid ::hiccups loudly -- is he ok? friends: er... yes /he's/ ok ::laughs friend: you should tell him... :: naah... (time passes) :: here's my form, sir -- [looking at name] that can't be you... :: yes, yes it is. Heh. -- ah... sorry about that :: that's ok... 050902 ... the varied desires of mad birds sometimes, deep down, i think my attraction to somewhat androgynous women may be some small bit of as-yet-unresolved gay/bi curiosity the whole small-breasts/short-haircut thing i dunno. and it may well be true, though i've never seen a masculine or androgynous man who inspired anything more than a passing moment of shallow curiosity hmmm. 050902 ... oldephebe i remember in 9th grade going to this costume party, one of my sisters thought it'd be funny if i slapped a wig on and one of her dresses...so..i went with my buddy and i think he was in one of his mom's dresses and a crappy wig as well...and uhh..this kid about my age tried to pick me up..kept asking me to dance and i had to tell him several times that i was a dude...he kept saying are you sure? when i tried to ask a few young ladies to dance they thought i was a chick trying to hit on them...very very weird..no make up or lipstick..so i figured i looked hilarious..like some dorky guy dressed as a caricature of a woman... and more times than i'd like to admit...several lesbians came on to me saying i don't know what it is about you but i'm not usually attracted to men..these were the lipstick lesbians not the uber male ones... ... wierdness ... 050903 ... oldephebe dam bird you actually came out and said it what if its just an aesthetic that you prefer? you know? maybe it's just some ripple, of a memory like the first time she unfolded her wings, the first time you touched her naked, the first time you kissed her in the dimple of her clavicle, the first time you grazed her lovely ivory crane neck, the time you heard her soul, her passion rumble in her throat, dark like a waterfall spilling from a cello, maybe it's the gratitude, the splendor in those eyes for you and only you because it's the first time someone saw gold in her lovely alabaster wings, such unfolded glory, maybe her short hair, her dancing black eyes, her dusting of freckles, her long legs gently bowed and maybe her knees had this way of endearingly brushing against one another as she walked and something in that, in her effulgence, in her quiet unnoticed glory made something rumble and scream in your core, undulate in your flattened belly, and maybe a thousand sparrows burst from your chest or danced in your stomach, maybe some sweet moist fever fell upon you every time you saw her or heard her, and you were like, how come the rest of the world doesn't see this? how come they can't see her? and then nothing no darkness, no winter snow beating against the windows, no time away or spike of mood or argument or anything could make the light crumble into darkening folds of night, no matter how bad a day the two of you may have had, and then something selfish in you says i'm glad they can't see her yet for when they do she might forget the first time we touched naked the first time i kissed her there the first time i felt the river insdie of her thawing the first time her eyes went wide in wordless scream the first time we shared and roamed amongst the pockets and rocky highlands of dream and wakefullness a total spilling into one another minds touching the first time you looked into her half closed eyes and never wanted or worshipped anything more as your lightly brushed against those lids, like kissing petals, flowers they opened and you never wanted the moment to end can i just be right here with you right her in this unbroken moment of perfect beauty? seh was no more the stone flower melting into grief you were no more the aloof and bookish autistic mute in your endless day of storm no one heard the music singing in your soul no one heard the arias the cadenzas the oratorios piling up from the ground into the sky like a white night blazing as you stared off into space, your eyes wet with wonder and then there she was this treasured friend holding a flame ... yeah so sometimes beauty is just beauty a different kind of beauty but you can't help being no less thunder struck by it you know? and the memory of it never crumbles into moaning eddies of time or age or forgetfulness or you know just carrying so much shit around, so much shit gets added to the trumpery -the whole cumulative albatross of what? this existential and unblinking sentient prison we call life? so you awake, in those first few seconds of that euphoric buzz still hugged by sleep and you remember what it was like to hold that kind of quietly incandescent beauty, body and soul and mind in the hollow of your hands mouth heart and miss it and you wring the anguish from your being, or you try, god i miss god it was just a fucking dream some pang of yester year quietly stabbing you in the rapture of sleep and then rupturing you in the cold icy glare of daylight, or graylight so you slowly reconstitute yourself a silent tower to walk the empty streets and no parting word no echo of her spirt is a consolation so you watch the words treble down to dust to dirty glitter and then finally into nothing ... 060103 ... anne so maybe this is resolving ? 061104 ... Tony I consider myself androgynous, because whenever I let my hair grow, people often mistake me for a woman. Also, when I crossdress, I look dead sexy, and can easily pass as one. 061105 ... misstree there's something too muddled, too grey about androgyny for me to properly apply it to myself. my Being is better characterized by hermaphrodite, not some middle ground but yes and yes, both, vehemently. cleavage spilling out of a dress raised so a boy can suck a strap on. i dance all over the scale, with both of my feet and a few other limbs besides. 061109 ... Zwieback tree, i would totally suck your plastic dick. but then i'd desire to enter you with the real thing. 061109 ... androgyne tree, I want you. 070210 ... anne-girl i am working on giving up on this gender bullshit. people stumble and trip over pronouns, and I don't usually help them up i'll agree with whatever they suggest. 080721 ... anne-girl genderfuck is hot i am muddled & uncertain androgyny, not passing as much 080721 ... Otto Xref Gender_Neutral 080721 ... lunatic jesus are_you_a_guy_or_girl? 080721 what's it to you? who go blather from