missing_you becclebee its funny how you miss people sometimes they become a hole empty and sad but ever there or they goes away, not far just out of view until you turn to say something a funny line, a quick hello and then you remember, that place is empty now. and you can be sad and sorry or grin for the knowledge of the one who was there before she was grand 020102 ... sabbie yeah, i think i know that feeling. 020103 ... Sim I know that feeling. This time, though, I'm not going to accept the emptyness. It doesn't have to be there this time. 020103 ... k2 Missin's inevitable With all the hers n' hims But I imagine it''''s grand, The steak that's Sim's 020104 ... Sim Braised, sliced, and skewered on titanium pins; it's a fine cut, indeed. 020105 ... blown cherry Missing you through dark and light, missing you in my aperture of sight. Missing you again, because your heart I cannot find. Missing you again, I am always left behind. Missing you your voice, rings not inside my ear. Missing you your eye, does not at me, curiously peer. Missing you so much, for nothing else I care. Missing you so much, my mind, from you I cannot tear. Missing you is something, I would hardly do if I believed, for a moment, that you were missing me too. 020613 ... birdmad i'll be a ball of fire in your arms --desire (gene loves jezebel) 020613 ... blown cherry A mighty fist clenches at my chest and squeezes and twists painfully. One squeeze for every day since we spoke, one twist for every day since I held you, since I buried my face in your jacket, and felt the tingles run through my body as your lips brushed my neck. 020715 ... fist like a bloody fist, pumping the blood at it's leisure, fisting me. fistfully. 020715 ... Sweet Surrender Im so tired and ready to give up without you. You are my strength. 030411 ... Sweet Surrender amidst I believe it is. 030411 ... niska i used to miss you when you weren't home. then i'd miss you, even when you were. i'm glad i miss you when you're far away for three days. it changes my whole world when you're gone. there's no one to cook breakfast for tomorrow - and i really enjoy that the most. i think when you call, i'll pretend your beside me. 030411 ... ItGirl i never used to miss you, never thought you wouldn't be around... 030714 ... imposter I am. All the time. I feel empty inside. And every time we talk I am so happy to be talking to you, but I always feel like I say the wrong thing and fuck things up. And I'm just so sorry. You used to tell me I always knew the right thing to say. I don't anymore. God, how I wish I did. I wish I still knew what to say and how to charm you and make you smile but I just feel like I make you so unhappy and frustrated and I'm just so sorry. And I love you and I love you and I love you and I just don't understand anymore why you're so angry and why I'm so stupid all the time. And the saddest part is that I know you will never read this. I'm so sorry. God, I love you. I miss you so much. I just don't know anything anymore. 030916 ... jane kissing_you 030917 ... Just_A_Little_Girl i miss you already. i miss how you made me smile in bad times. i miss how you made me feel. i miss how you made me forget everything wrong in my life. i miss how you loved me. i miss how you used to be there. i miss how much i was in love. i miss how you used to care. you turned yur back on me... i dont miss you anymore. 040726 ... Mahayana cuz for some strange reason, no matter how hard i try, i can not view you in the same intense light that i did prior to you cheating on me, ... its killing me inside that no matter how hard i try i can not feel those passionate feelings for you like they once were... the ones where everything inside of me was so alive, i genuinely felt special, i truly did feel as if i could do anything in life that i wanted to ... i felt weird inside when i walked through my days, i felt confident ... able and inspired to do anything but now... ... i feel so uninspired, so unreal, so un-alive. im afraid nothing will ever be the same again. yet i hold on in hopes that someday itll all come back to me. ive lost so much respect for you - yet i still respect you. so much more has happened in-between the time from then, so much that i could never talk about to anyone else. yet im still by your side. trying. waiting. hoping that someday i can feel a tenth of what i used to feel for you. 040726 ... Soma I wrote you a love poem here, dear. And after penning it, I thought it quite to beautiful for the rest of the blue_sea to read. So i tucked it away in a file, and I shall write it down for you. Silly of me to think I'll ever actually show them to you. Maybe I will though. Love makes a fool of people. Missing you. xoxo 081223 ... past sometimes i think my family misses you more than i do. but i think they might miss you with me. i'm surprised that they still ask about you after so long (truth be told, we're still in touch, and see eachother when we can). 081224 ... In_Bloom To do right by you I put on my happy face for them Grumbling under my breath Didn't trees once have more color than this? They ask me if I'm having a nice time and wouldn't you have liked it all- Seems like it's my job to channel your approval or opinions these days Sleeping in the car, I can hear them talking about me, about you, us... This year I thought it would be so different, I'm sorry This year I wanted to be able to show you something else I was so sure of Instead I'm awake and alone (hiding) Still feeling left out Of something, everything Our favorite holiday and I can't stand it since you've passed 081224 ... when darkness falls Here I am again, feeling overwhelmed by the feeling itself. But this time it's different, it's more intense than before. It found me when I wasn't looking for it, and caught me off-guard. It tricked me and like an uninvited guest it overstayed its welcome. Now I find myself clinging to it and not wanting to let go. I try to pace my words and control my emotions, but it isn't easy when I'm looking at you. Am I trying too hard? Am I not doing enough? Sometimes I'm confused and I worry, but I think it's normal - all this is still new to me - you have brought in so much into my life. You have to understand, and you do. This long_distance_love affair is hard, but we will get through this, with each other's help we will. It couldn't have been 1998, 2003, or even 2008. It had to be 2011, and that is just fine. That is perfect. We will take it from here. Your eyes like stars are watching me from afar. There's no need for words. I have found you. 120417 ... not a dot madly. 120418 ... bot dot explain_yo_self_nigga 120419 ... rhin hell: day one spoke to you for a bit today. hanging on to those last moments. now, radio silence. damn mountains. maybe this is a good time to reflect? absence makes the heart grow fonder? yes, but... i have become quite accustomed to hearing your voice every night...listening to you read to me, laughing with me, dreaming with you, sorting out the future with you, writing together... ::sigh:: what if i wake in the middle of the night and want cheesecake? ;) you know. 130805 ... rhin hell: day two ::sigh:: if it feels and tastes like a crushing blow, then it must be...me missing you. remember to look at the moon. that is where i will be... 130806 ... rhin I need Bloodsucking Fiends, or just you. How about just you baby? There seems to be a curious glow on a non-existent moon tonight... If you bite someone on the neck and it's too dark for anyone to have witnessed it, are you really a vampiress? Have I told you today that I miss you? 130807 ... rhin hell: day four a bright note today was finally hearing your voice for a few minutes. however, i am missing you even more tonight. i want more... i have been writing to you - so much to say. also, it was your turn to pick our random word... 130808 ... unhinged all_i_need 'i only stick with you because there are no others' stuck yes_i_am my mind spinning possible fantasies out of the reality that you werent that into me you had better things, people to do 130809 ... rhin hell: day five friday night...feeling lost. i feel the moon pulling me in and i can almost hear the tides. so much to share with you. baby, i... you know. 130809 ... rhin hell: day six dear you, I miss you so much...thinking of you nestled between the mountains while you write. you missing me so much that you attend a jazz festival because you know how much I love jazz and buying me earrings to connect me to the moment. driving an hour and a half to pick up a signal on your cell phone because you miss my voice. me...listening to your favorite music so that I feel closer to you, writing you 1-2 times a day - so many letters to fill our trunk. looking at the moon every night because I know that you are too. you helped me see. you... I... you know. 130810 ... rhin hell: day seven ...and i can't sleep after two failed attempts. listening to music now. 130811 ... unhinged when_we_were_happy 130812 ... rhin hell: day eight i am so sleepy, but fighting sleep. i really miss my bedtime story... sweet dreams... 130812 ... rhin the torturous missing you so much that it feels like hell ended yesterday. i never want to go through that again. ::sigh:: but so happy now! 130814 what's it to you? who go blather from