separation
*Ziima* It hurts, but is for the best... 010224
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birdmad anxiety 010225
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Miner The cause of the worst feeling in the world. 010509
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chanaka burns like acid in my eyes
(also known as tears)
010509
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Casey It makes my stomach sink and i want to throw up. 010509
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Christy I'm so aware that you're all the way out there, that just an hour's distance down the dark pavement there is a radiant, soft face illuminated by the glow of yellow headlights. You watch the cars rush past, scornful of the drivers only eager to complete their jobs, while I wonder if they're children like us, anxious in our own ways and eager to return to the arms and waves of the quiet one we encountered only weeks before. Yeah, I'd like to be there, to find you out as my hands slip to places they've never been and have never previously hoped to be. I've never felt so alone, so close to crying but unable to shed a single shiny tear. I miss you, I need you, I want you, but I don't know if you think of me. So give me a sign, for I only ask for the voice of a good friend. Should our relationship bloom and blossom into something more, I'll be both surprised and grateful. 010910
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Understudy So now itís just me and the traces of my self-pity running down my face.
Iíll indulge myself awhile, use this time to learn
The difference between the silence of one and the silence of two.
What started as hearts and flowers ended as fingernails and pain
So I suppose weíre both in a better place now.
Maybe weíll be able to look back on this someday when the hurt has gone
Pick out the good stuff that we should remember
instead of the bad stuff which is all that endures at the moment


And I know itís permanent this time, weíll never be that stupid again
You were a pillar for so long itís going to be tough to remember how to stand
But I have to learn. I want to get better this time
Not the way I tried to get better before. Not with narcotics and sharp steel
But by developing a relationship with myself before I try anywhere else.
You always had faith in me. Weird how I could really use your input to help me be alone.
I can learn to be positive - build on the good things you showed me in myself

Iíll keep taking the medication this time - I promise.
011004
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lilac_air I have not spoken to you for awile now.
I feel a real emptyness inside alot is missing without you.
Yet I know with separation comes growth and we will just grow closer I am sure.
I have learned so much from you
and you have allways been there
it seems like forever.
I carry you with me wherever I go.
020201
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little wonder i wish i could just stop hurting, and that they could be happy. 020201
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Clyde self imposed.
it sucks.
why isn't life easier.
020327
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lilac_air You canot come back It is reality I have to face

I can still smell you

I see your misty shadow everywhere

It is not haunting but a
great comfort to me

I will never loose my want to hold you

I have wished that time would of stood still for us over and over again

This canot happen

I saw your last breath

I held your hand and you were gone from me
021211
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sal sometimes seperation from you bf/gf is good because then you are able to reflect and think about if you really like them or not and if you want to go to the next step. cause when you are with them you dont have time to really think about it 021221
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c.o.r.e. why do we have to be separated. i can accept that you don't love me. i'm even able to see you talking to other but i can't live without you being around. not seeing you smile, not hearing you talk. this separation is like you're shooting me. and i promise, any gun woul have been less painful.

why egypt?
021222
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ClairE It's time to go home again, but this year it's a little harder. So many of my friends will be abroad next year. I said my first goodbye, the breeze blowing through the darkened window.

"I will see you in over a year!" I promised as I hugged her.

The worst is the last. He's sitting in the library right now. It seems ridiculous for us to be apart when we have such little time left together, but we both have tasks best done now.

At least last year he was in Maryland. I ended up seeing him once a month. This time there's no more school for him next year. He has a diploma and some pictures and no job yet. He doesn't even know where he will be after the end of the month.

It is so difficult to be almost_grownup. It's ridiculous that we can't be together, that I have to regress to home and yearn for him all summer. I am sure I will cry tonight, and more tomorrow night when I am home.
030519
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lilac_air I always wanted to be with u and dreamed of the day we meet.
We meet and yes it was not perfect and yes i was a nervious wreck but silly me did not worrie for I thought u knew who I was and loved me.It just felt so real and Wow I was so over come by you .You ended up not loving not needing me. then You go far away states away.Taking my heart with U.
I did silly things after u went from here and u should of said somthing to me.But only silence and I thought we had somthing to share and we would grow together laugh together. I hold the feelings I have for U even though there is nothing holding them for all there is now is separation and a silence that I keep hoping we can break. You were my best friend.
U remember you would call me on cell phone to just share a song even. Now where is the music. I hate the separation from you and just wish U would let me be your friend again. Nothing can fill this space but you.
All I hear is the rain pounding on the roof and the tears driping down my face


`
030905
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lisa How can we continue with so much pain
Heavy hearts & minds insane
Our tempers flare beyond control
Have all these rows taken its toll
You've gone again & slammed the door
Here I am, on my own once more
A heavy heart & a single tear
A life without you is what I fear
Our love was strong, beyond compare
The happy memories we'll always share
I'll love you eternally of this I'm sure
But this constant heartache I can take no more
Do we continue and prolong our pain
Living in hope we'll love again
Or should we strive for happiness within
A brand new chapter must begin
040116
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judas6k i ve been so cold i ve been so worn i hate i hate i fucking hate i love i love i fucking love the hate 040227
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... well, nothing. time to take the last train.
goodbye
040227
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Hencewhat Its called "abandonment issues" when you cant deal with the pain and the sufering of the separation, when you still cant understand why it happened in the first place. When you refuse to accept the fact that things arent the same and that it never will be, and that nothin you can do will fix everything, and that you dont actually know for sure that things wont go back to normal and that he will eventually come back to you, begging for forgiveness. But what then, what do you if he does, then you have more issues, because he hurt you once and your convinced that he will do it again, and you dont think you can trust him, and you know he is bound to fuck up, but you still love him and you need him in your life. 040421
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mourninglight i suppose 3 years could be considered a chapter. it was the last chapter.

enter new book.
maybe a sequel? if I'm lucky.
041208
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joys_and_sorrows stand back.
mourn the changing of the tides. the sea never looked so beautiful as when it all flowed from your eyes. now i'm the one crying, but for other reasons. alone am i lonely? drift a while. solitude can be friendly, and is found in the most curious places.
drive as long as you need, forget the point of destination. if you hit the beach by sunset, lock eyes with the golden plumes of shifting waves. find yourself on that beach, surrendered. rejoice in this separation. find yourself.
jump in.
061021
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abounding stand back.
mourn the changing of the tides. the sea never looked so beautiful as when it all flowed from your eyes. now i'm the one crying, but for other reasons. alone am i lonely? drift a while. solitude can be friendly, and is found in the most curious places.
drive as long as you need, forget the point of destination. if you hit the beach by sunset, lock eyes with the golden plumes of shifting waves. find yourself on that beach, surrendered. rejoice in this separation. find yourself.
jump in.
061021
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