bulimia
MollyCule defines me by the day
think it's getting to be too much
maybe i should stop
the mirror says otherwise

regardless, i'm trying
010113
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yummychuckle I am so sick and this is so dumb and i hate myself and if I could just be normal maybe everything would be alright. so i throw up and feel like such a bad person for being so wrong and horrible that i get out my razor and cut myself as punishment. because i am a bad person... 010601
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nocturnal much better than anorexia. sure, it's more disgusting and neither are really any good, but at least bulimics get to eat. 010602
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Tinka do your self a favour,
acept the fact that you need help.
and do it for the people that love you,
if you hate yourself that much.
010624
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black-dyed gel product I have that except after I eat I don't throw up. Oh wait, I guess that means I don't have it. Oh well, I like pie. 010624
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denzel Pie makes my ass spin round and round. Oh! The stories I could tell you about pie! My God! And the women! Hooooey! 010624
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lali it all started because of this guy. i wanted to be perfect for him, and in order to that i had to be thin. so i started throwing up what i ate, cause i just couldn't help eating. of course, i never got the guy, but i got bulimia. lucky me. now, as much as i try i just can't stop. i think i'm gonna die, but there's nothing i can do. i'm lost, i know. i throw up blood every now and then. it's sick.i'm stupid.and i'm fat anyway, how stupid is that? 010704
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me ew 010721
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SwtKrnGrl00 Hmmm....
i always thought about this word...
020227
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endless desire is something i hate
is something that i sometimes cant help but have
is something i no longer want to deal with
is something that i shouldnt have to deal with
is something i dont have to deal with at all.
is not that bad at all
when i have control
and i dont hate myself

but lifes sporadic
and almost rather fickled
030516
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endless desire i messed it up again.
ill do better
thank you for helping
you know you do.
im sorry for my craziness
but im looking for reasons
searching always leaves me scared
and you know how i hate to be vulnerable.
030516
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endless desire haha is something that will soon be in my past. 030526
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girl_jane There was a rumor that I was. People are dumb. 030527
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stork daddy occurs within a normal weight range. me i've got a bulimic brain...i binge on comic book movies and marijuana and video games...and i purge on shakespeare and yeats and shostakovich and muppets...yes muppets are high art in case you're keeping score at home.

bulimia is anorexia's ugly cousin. that's double ugly in a family of uglies
030528
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sixteen Its better when its a secret, and you hear people telling you how good you look because they don't know how ugly the process was.

it feels like everything is disgusting until i stand up and brush my teeth, and then I feel empty and free and clean again.
030531
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endless desire 10 days without.
i guess i could say thats a good thing.
i guess i could say im glad.
but the thing is
i just kind of miss it.
badly. so quickly.
and ill start another run
to see how long i can go without it again
but we all know it wont last long
even if i kid myself.
but denial goes a long way.
(see: know)
030531
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x bulemia? 030531
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sixteen bulimia? 030601
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minnesota_chris yummy is a good speller. Nobody fucks with the yummy, when it comes to spelling. 030602
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endless desire yay for yummy.
she deserves a prize for being able to spell bulimia.
actually, its hard word to spell
congrads
030602
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sixteen congrats.



hahahahahah.

oh man

I am an anal dork. But uh...only with spelling....
030603
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endless desire anal_dork 030603
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endless desire is it congrats or congrads?
or can it both.
its always weird when it can be both
like those british words.
except. . .
not.
030603
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sixteen congratulations...(not congraDulations), so the shortened version would probably be congraTs...but its probly just up to interpretation. um. yes. 030604
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eyedream I have never been afflicted with it. I see people who are and feel sadness. I see your beauty, why can't you?

is frustrated
030604
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endless desire bulimic_procedure

beauty is a funny thing.
i think its more in the eyes of the beholder.
no one can decide who is beautiful.
and i guess i say that everything is beautiful.
but then i will admit that i am wrong.
because i would never say that i am beautiful.
i am a mess.
fucking mess.
and i am sorry.
030604
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oh nora i told the rents 030611
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endless desire you say you can see the beauty in
everything
and
anything
and there are moments when i see bulimia's beauty
what sickens others, brings me pleasure
the process. the actions.
the flowing.
oh and the clean.
just so clean.
i want to be clean.
but i cannot tell you this.
i cannot tell you of the beauty that i see.
because it only brings you down
and makes things harder between us
so i continue,
living life,
ignoring the beauty for your sake.
ignoring the eletric feeling
the shake and the stur
the eruption within myself
that tingles my eyes
brings waves of joy at times.
not joy.
joy is never fleeting
these waves are fleeting.
they pull back with the tide.
and i turn to the mirror
and the beauty is gone.
i see my ugly face
ugly self
staring back
longing for acceptance.
longing for peace in something that kills.
what am i searching for?
myself. you. peace. love. answers.
hah i know nothing.
give_and_die
i would die to give just once.
030611
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eyedream I think you're very beautiful.

Just look at yourself.

Why can't you see it?

Who told you that you weren't?

Why can't you see it?

It's right there.

You GLOW.

is wild with emotion
030611
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e.d. i really don't know what to say to that.
for once i have no words.
usually, i'd be angry.
but now i just don't know what to say to that.
030611
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endless desire i notice that when i typed in "e.d."
it was sent to someone who was not me.
so i apologize for the confusion
though i doubt there was any.
it seems that someone else has gone by that name also.
030611
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endless desire hmm or not whatever 030611
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endless desire my little sister threw up today
my mom made me clean the bowl
funny, i was so disgusted i almost gagged.
and then i laughed a lot.
i can't believe i was disgusted by vomit when i've lived it.
030620
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endless desire **found this poem online at a poetry site called menstrualmonday.

when bulimia hits PMS


when bulimia hits
shes Cinderella
the center of attention
so gorgeously decked out
in a fancy ball gown
as she gorges herself on
store-bought homestyle pumpkin pie
and nondairy topping

at the stroke of midnight
finger down the throat
she gets herself home on time
illusion left behind
except for the vomit
sinking like a glass slipper
in the toilet, and no prince charming
is there to retrieve it

when bulimia hits PMS
shes Princess Diana
chased by the paparazzi
of hormone imbalance
nine crying jags on their
motorcycles after her
dark tunnel midnight mountain
careening out of control

shes the prison guard
throwing up donuts cause shes got to
pass muster somehow
til theres no difference
between a corrections officer
and a royal princess
an exploding prison population
and an adoring public

fairy godmother save us
save us
from imprisonment

she's the feminist
alone at an all-you-can-eat buffet
before the meeting
'til there's no difference
between a political activist
and a royal princess
women and their kids at safe houses
and an adoring public

fairy godmother save us
save us
from brutality

she's the sophomore
dieting on ice cream sandwiches
and one-cal soda
'til there's no difference
between a college student
and a royal princess
a dormitory's drunken loneliness
and an adoring public

fairy godmother save us
save us
from isolation

she's the ex-dropout
bingeing on boxes of candy and
blackberry brandy
'til there's no difference
between my own mother
and a royal princess
five don't-believe-in-abortion children
and an adoring public

fairy godmother save us
save us
from our self-hatred
031212
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lali ?? 040119
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Obese I weigh 212lbs. I binge and purge once a day. Thank you for reaching me. I am not going to do it anymore. It is hard for me to hide it anyway. I guess I was just adding to the problem I already have.But sometimes I tell myself that I would rather die than 2 stay this way. I feel so alone. Please take care. 040222
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is it french? i've been on steroids for 4 months and i am now 30 bls over weight. i wish i had the courage to starve or purge... sorry... i know thats not what you wanted to hear... 040222
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canuk i think i might be bulimic, although i've only been since thanksgiving of last year. i don't take water-pills or laxatives (- sp?), but i puke when i get really full. honestly, it does make me feel better because i feel skinny and empty again. i know i should stop, and i'm working on it (kinda)though stopping would only make me anorexic. i'm not fat but i want to be a model, so i have to be skinnier. 040402
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just another teen fuckup i think im getting it
i cant eat anything now without wantint to throw up
its sick (no pun intended)
i used to not be able to stop eating
now all i can do is feel sick whenever i'm made to eat something
the idea of food revolts me
i dont know why its started now
ive tried so hard to lose weight and be thin
now i cant eat
i ate a bit of something about 15 mins ago, i dont know what it was
i ate very little
and i still feel fat and full
i want to throw up right now
it makes me feel really bad when i throw up, but i want to do it anyway
i crave the riddance of food from my stomach
what should i do?
040417
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minnesota_chris step one, stop thinking about what everybody else thinks you should do. 040418
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just another teen fuckup i was asking for advice man
i dont want to go to people that i know who know shit
i want to ask people that have been through it
040418
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minnesota_chris I know, I know. I'm saying, be your own woman. You're letting yourself get walked on by people, caring what they think about your body.

Never mind. The feminist inside me was just crying, that's all. It's not like we can just wave a magic wand and give ourselves great self esteems. Good luck!
040418
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Sicko puke Good, then I can keep doing it, since I don't have to think about what other people say, after all it's other people telling me my behavior is "sick".

Free at last, no matter what they say.
040418
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nothing stops I was and still am bulimic. I tried to stop, but all that happend was that now i am anorexic. I looked up a million weight charts and i fit right in the range, so why do i feel so fat? I hate what i see in the mirror. 040418
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hmpp si 040615
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jolie laide I'm a teenage drama queen
I'll throw up my guts for self esteem
040615
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hsgatincamail exercise
one way street
find safety in my feat.
040701
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torn empty
pure,
I stand above the din.
my white gown is strewn with blood
but inside i am clean.
041228
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