simply_put i know my abcs i've changed so much you don't care. you can't care. it's too much for you to deal with all of this this this all of this STUFF well stuff it. i miss you and me. i miss how i was. we were friends in the truest sense. we really cared. we really did. things shouldn't have to change. i don't like change. even when it's good change. i'm tired of trying. i want to give up. this hurts. 020303 ... its too simple you tell me i'm perfect. what do you know? you don't know. you know some things, but not that. i want to show you how much i really do care. i want to show you how wonderful of a friend i think you are. i want to smile without smiling, laugh without laughing. but all i seem to be able to do is show without showing, and that's not showing at all. things were so nice at first. so sure and sound. i want to go back to that. but then there wasn't genuine compassion, then there wasn't complete baring of souls. then there were simple things, like what song you were listening to, or what picture of him made me swoon the most. now i'm far away. far far away. somewhere cold. and i'm frightened. "if you should ever leave me....though life would still go on, believe me....the world could show nothing to me.....so what good would living do me?" i miss you, and it hasn't even been a day. you're like a twin to me. disconnecting from you is like disconnecting from myself. 020303 ... all of this is simple it's hard to talk to you since talking to you is talking to myself and i don't like talking to myself. no, i don't like it much at all. you share secrets with me. some so beautiful, so pure and so lovely. some so ugly, so unpure and horrid. but you're the best. don't you know? you outshine so many people i've known before. and what's the coolest, you do it without even trying. if you TRIED, the world would be at your feet. you oughta try. i'd like to see it, the world at the feet of someone who actually can deliver. bless you. 020303 ... simplicity yes, dear friend. you've sent me more smiles than i know what to do with. i'm thinking of putting them in that little box of letters from the past. i shall tie the box with a bow. the prettiest little bow that i can find. a blue one, darling, a light blue one. and still, you'll send smiles. you won't ever stop. you actually make me happy. do you know, making me happy is one of the hardest things to do. it's all very simple. i think you're one of the best friends a person could ask for. 020303 ... s i m p l e . . i've had lots of friends in my time. there have been many. but of course 3/4s of them have gone asunder and gone away. it's hard. it's painful. i've learned to deal with it, though, i think. that is, until you came along. i don't want you to go away, just like you say you don't want me to. you're determined to hold fast to me. you're determined to win me over. you should know, though, you already have. i really wish i could show you this. i really wish i could. 020303 ... its so simple crying can be really lovely, you know. when you cry, it's beautiful. i want you to cry for me. i want you to cry from happiness, from bliss....from this friendship. but i've brought too much hell to it for you to ever cry of happiness now. you argue with me at that. you maintain that there's no one like me, that i am so special and amazing. what do you know? you don't know. i want us to be friends forever. i want to show the world that i can hold on. i want to do things i thought i couldn't do. 020303 ... simple but true you might just be the sweetest friend i've ever had. and you take the crap from me so gracefully. how do you do that? are you even real? sometimes i wonder. i really do. you probably think this friendship's over now. you probably think i don't care. you probably think i'm never going to talk to you again. what do you know? you don't know. it's so difficult. i'm sitting here thinking about all the harm i've caused, and the sweet and delicate way you've handled yourself. i don't understand. ARE you real? i'm sad. i'm scared. most of all, i'm sorry. 020303 ... so simple what could i possibly do to make it up to you? you'll say there's nothing to 'make up'. i know you will. i know you'll say that everything's fine; everything can go on. everything can just simply resume. but that's like flying. and i haven't got wings, you know. 020303 ... this is simple too your smile those songs fuck, we love you. wake up and see. 020303 ... so so simple i want to listen to you. i want to listen and listen and listen until you tire of singing your secrets to me. i will be here for you always. there's a lot we'll learn from this. i think you're right. i can see a thing or two from this view. i can see something i couldn't see before. i can see what you were talking about. we need to sit down and talk. really talk. for hours, with champagne and french fries. that's what we need to do. 020303 ... . t o o s i m p l e . you know, you make me believe in magic. that's funny, 'cause i'm not a believer at all. 020306 ... hey now! champagne and french fries... yummy 020306 ... s i m p l e truth . yeah.....so she's lucky. she calls herself that, and she's fucking right. but you know, it's her. it's not me, and it's not you. that's what sucks. that's the stark, bitter truth. the truth that bites me in the back every time i face forward. the truth that slaps me in the face every time i smile. but does it do this to you? sometimes i think so, but then things twirl, darling, and i think maybe you're strong like you say you're not. i wish i had your strength. you know, if you were with him, i wouldn't hate you. what makes 'her' so different? fuck, i don't know. but fuck it. fuck her luck, fuck her fortune. i'm lonely and miserable and her 'luckiness' slays me. 020309 ... FNP90 death comes from a heavy flag on a short stick One side is half yellow and half green; the other is half red and half blue. Written on one side is the number 2 020310 ... gull don’t let her slap you. don’t let her bite you. don’t let her rub your nose in the fact that she’s lucky and you’re not, that we’re not. so lucky. so unbelievably, sickeningly, infuriatingly lucky. it’s easier said than done, i know, but i know something else too: i know you’re strong. you have strength but you don’t realise it. you haven’t found the spot where it’s locked away. you don’t have the key but someday you will. i’ll help you find it. then the lucky one won’t seem so important. 020310 ... blown cherry I wish I knew who you were gull 020310 ... gull why's that, blown cherry? don't you like the anonymity this places affords us? ;-) 020310 ... blown cherry you just feel familiar. As if your words could've come out of my fingertips. Same style. 020310 ... gull Well, I take that as a big compliment because I read some of your work and it's brilliant. 020311 ... blown cherry :.) 020312 ... is it simple anymore? every song i listen to tonight is making me cry. even the happy songs. i'm afraid you'll walk out of my life someday. walk out without even realizing that's what you're doing. it can happen, you know. it's happened to me before. lots of times. in fact, i can't seem to think of anyone who h a s n ' t walked out. some even run. but i don't think you'd do that. i think you'd be a walker. i know you'll be pissed that i'm saying this. i know you'll think i have no faith in your friendship. i know you'll think my saying this is a reflection of how i regard you as a person. i know you'll be disappointed that i have this fear. i'm sorry. i can't think clearly right now. everything's muddled and awry. i couldn't sleep right now if i tried. my mind's working overtime, despite the hundreds of clouds blocking the view of my thoughts. fuck it. 020321 ... is it simple anymore? w o n d e r i n g c r y i n g w i s h i n g l o v i n g y e a r n i n g l i s t e n i n g n e e d i n g m i s s i n g w a n t i n g t r y i n g h i d i n g n o t s l e e p i n g 020321 ... cixky i know a good thing when i see it. i appreciate things that are good, things that make me feel good. i certainly would never walk out on those things. i mean, why would anyone in their right mind do that? yeah, i like to walk, but i really hate running. and sometimes, even the thought of walking brings me down. it depends which way you’re going, and where you need to be, i guess. but what you have to realise, and this might sound silly, is that i’ve been hurting too and i wouldn’t want to feel like that again. and that’s why, i can honestly say, that i’m never going to leave you. 020322 ... gull ditto 020430 ... gull but you have to leave when you've already been left. what else is there to stick around for? nothing. it still hurts though. leaving and being left. it still hurts. 020509 ... phil no matter what you leave behind or come across, you can never expect it to be more than it was, what you should cherish most is what is in your heart. Have a soft heart, you can't gain anything with a strong will or an arrogant mind, only with wisdom and confidence...I guess. 020509 ... unhinged nothing makes me cool i'm trying so hard desparate for cool but nothing works could you help me? i want to hold your hand all the time if only it was me and you in the world still your eyes captivate and i can't stop staring so much has changed but so many things are still that night the future filtered through the past older younger smarter stupid still that night i didn't want a complex mental issue could you help me? collapsible you can find me in any convenience store handy to have in the pocket because i have been waiting but intents are always mangled into unrefinable ores unprocessed still that night your eyes they still captivate could you help me find the source of this radiating light? open like a cadaver lying on the table hold me and i shudder like a broken wing the stitches the scars the blood the dental work clouded fuzz leftover from yesterday i shudder like a flimsy screen you passing through me like the angry storm breeze could you keep me alive? 020510 ... {jo; you could live in my stomach 020510 ... gull it's difficult. whenever my heart has been soft, someone always ends up exploiting the fact. the result? a broken heart. so the wall goes up and you decide to get tough, but does it make you any happier? nope. you just can't win. 020519 ... poetic_onslaught FUCK THE WORLD 020520 ... wishinghopinglookingseeking if its meant to be then it shall be. so be it. i really hope u find that lover again. im starting to wonder if one of the lovers is a liar also. this love story is getting too sad. 020521 ... unhinged oh but i am a liar; a horrible liar 020521 ... phil if everybody loses, everybody wins. 020522 ... blown cherry It's funny, but sometimes, it really does seem that simple. 020528 ... ~gez~ why do people care if i blather about nat? 021007 ... information hey, wishinghopinglookingseeking - they weren't lovers. they were friends. 021007 ... information if you closely read all the entries by them, you'd realize that. 021007 ... we are underused i want to grow old dying does not meet by expectations 021007 ... gull it's been a year, yet i come here to read from time to time and end up with tears in my eyes. life is much better now but i still miss what we had so very, very much. i wish you knew that. i wish you cared. it's over now, i know, but why can't i let go? because you are special, still so special, and always will be to me. 030301 ... three words simply_put a_game santa 061110 what's it to you? who go blather from