roxy let's have 'em. 010617
J shit! why didn't anyone ever respond to this? it could be great fun. come on, now, everyone..... 011122
lovers lament i actually think this is a kickass idea. sounds like it could be amusing if nothing else. i don't have any clue how to start it though. 011123
FreakFly God I couldnt even be a realtionship janitor. cleaning up after other peoples messes. 011123
birdmad i've never quit, i always get fired, or downsized 011123
ClairE a verb? then...

but it is never quite the same one.
whoknows a bad idea
no one would want me if they could see mine
ass facely "are you stuck to my back honey?"
"yes. there is a pizza here."
nemo all you really want is your floozy to come back and flooze 011129
Norm Education:
- television 1991-present
- health class 1992-present
- girls 1994-present
- porno 1995-present
- older women 1999-present

Past work experience:
- Freelance demolitionist 1997-present
- Talent scout 1997-present
- Personal motivator 1998-present
- Model agent 1999-present

-I like to masturbate and take showers in my free time.
j_blue there was that guy in the seventh grade

the goth gay guy from my college summer school thing

then there was that guy who was a senior when i was a junior, we dated a year after i graduated hs

i groped a minnesotan

after him i dated a predental gasian boy

(later on, the gasian hooked up with the minnesotan)

then i briefly dated this guy... sorry its personal, but right at the end i hung out with this chick (sadly my only female experience to date, anyone wanna help me out? i'm a sweet guy...)

right after the guy though i kinda jumped into a ltr (like 3 years) with his friend

it was during an interruption in the ltr that i dated a turtle

i think that's it for now, maybe i'll remember to update as things continue

most of my experiences mentioned here didnt last longer than about two weeks though - sucks
j_blue i pursued and achieved a super hot non midget little man

super hot

around the same time i started seeing a craigslist man

i still see the craigslist man, but i fantasize about leaving hime

i divorced the midget man... while fooling around with the 3 yr on-again-off-again dude

now i'm not married to anyone

i live with the latest lately non-bf, have for several years

i still see the L, the F, the little man mr.D and mr.Z; all every now and then

and i still worry about what i'm supposed to do, and what'll happen to me for my weakness

just fill in the blanks
birdmad more quantity than quality, really, and i hate to admit.

between November of 1988 and now (nearly 20 years later), any number of short flings that were fun while they lasted, a few fruitless and harmless flirtations and unspoken longings and about a dozen attempts at "something serious" that gave a whole new meaning the the term "trainwreck"
minnesota_chris Dear minnesota_chris,
Thank you for your interest in the available position in my vagina. Unfortunately, you are not one of the applicants chosen for an interview. I felt that your qualifications did not match those of the ideal candidate.
snook I'll need to see an example of your work first. 080730
grendel Of course the funny thing is that now i am slimmer and better looking as a result of my efforts, all the years of bad behavior have seen my teeth turn into an unattractive disaster that will cost me a good deal to replace, So now that the rest of my body is no longer a predictable cause of revulsion (though it is still unimpressive) my graveyard_smile still means that a lot of my pursuits end with another go-round with Rosie Palmer 080730
Lemon_Soda If you've got a resume, I don't want to date you. 080731
pobodys nerfect Mine goes something like this:

In highschool, i avoided getting too serious with guys because i had shitty luck and was worried i'd get pregnant like many family members and be stuck in this town raising a kid i wasn't prepared to deal with (even though i'm pro-choice, i didn't think i'd be able to do that if i were in that situation).

After highschool, i lost touch with all my friends (i didn't have much in common with them and didn't see the point in continuing friendships i'd outgrown before H.S. even ended). And my sister was really struggling to make ends meet as a working single mom with 3 young kids. So, i devoted a lot of time to babysitting--to help my sister, and as a way of making some income in a hard recession-hit area. I also accepted babysitting jobs from others as well, and so i pretty much was available at all different kinds of hours, so there wasn't much time for dating. (Not that i regret it though; watching my nephews grow up and having a relative--and not just some half assed babysitter--was something i consider tough, but rewarding. I would do it all over again. =0) )

Plus, being in a very small town where the evening entertainment is 2 bars, and i don't drink is... well, it's kind of retarded. =P
And i'm very shy with guys, so that made it harder even more difficult.

Every place i've worked at has very few men and they're either married, dating, or one of us isn't interested.

Oh, and every guy i've fallen BADLY for has humiliated me, or just not liked me back. Or refused to even meet me in the first place. (That's the latest one! My neighbour thought i'd be a good match with his bosses' son, and the guy turned me down before he even talked to me online or anything. =0( )

So that's pretty much it. I'm ok most times, but sometimes it really hurts and i get so lonely and just wonder how it would feel like to have somebody care for me in that way... I sit down and have a good cry for awhile, and when i'm done i pick up the pieces and don't let on to my family.
blather_is_my_greatest_secret =0/
stork daddy much as i do on my real resume, i'm afraid i'd have to selectively edit this and pad it. 080905
dosquatch The important parts are around here somewhere, though you may have to pick through the pieces and put it back together. 080905
unhinged one boyfriend five years ago that lasted for three months because i moved to milwaukee ( sam ) is really the only thing of any significance i would have to put on anything resume-like. we knew each other for about three and a half years before that, which seemed to work out well in some ways. he was a recovering addict eleven years older than me. i was young. i think in a lot of ways it was good it was a short relationship. he loved me though. more than i can say for most guys i've known since.

everything since has been those stupid just_friends scenarios i way too often find myself in or the relationship equivalent of leaving a job after only a month with no notice. not the kind of thing you would put on a resume....
unhinged (my mother asked me if i was gay once because of my lack of boyfriends; i couldn't give her the standard 'only on tuesdays' reply because she was seriously crying)

without the accent mark this blathe title is deceiving. it reminds me of my friends of the haydn recital a few months back. she rightfully freaked out and kicked him off her recital and supposedly broke up with them, but last weekend when i was over their place (cause yes they still live together) it seemed like the relationship had resumed to me. i could not tolerate his bullshit. or his violence or his condescending kiss my feet attitude. she's crazy. karmically, he bought what he thought was opium but turned out to be just opium_resin and then tried to sell it to me after i told him not to buy it in the first place and how i shouldn't have it around me. yeah, he's a straight up asshole now. too many years of her doing whatever the fuck he demanded her to. it's sad sometimes how people change.
megan i couldn't decide if this was a poetic way to say the relationship had begun again or if i was meant to be listing my qualifications
from most recent to ancient past

eatingstars i have zero experience, and if you want to hire me, i probably wouldn't want to work for you. 090315
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