highschool daanuh highschool sucks. 001217 ... trazlo a thing to do durring the day that tends not to be taken lightly enough. friends, smoke, laughs, confusion, depths reached and never attained again 010227 ... nocturnal much more fun than college. as sad as it may seem to those in high school now, they truly are the best days of your life....well, if you do it right. 010227 ... star* not sure if i'm even going to make it through.....if i had stayed at my old school i wouldn't of...but if i have to go back...fuck school. oh hello nofuture 010228 ... tricky you told me tonight that i'm just a FUCKING highschool relationship and she's the best friend you have. and the one who is always there for you when you feel like shit. am the one who calls you every day and talks to you for endless hours. and what does she do? she ditches you for other friends. you're always bitching about this you know. how she makes plans with you and then doesn't come through. i told you i love you and you fucking told me that yeah you love me as much as you can right now. you know what? this is more than any love i will ever have and i guess all i amto you is a FUCKING HIGHSCHOOL relationship. that really hurt me. i thought we were a lot more than that. like this will last forever. i dont know maybe i'm just a stupid bitch for thinking that but you know i'm the one you almost died over because we broke up. this makes me sad to think that she's more important to you than me. and you think i compete when i'm with you and her at the same time? bullshit. i just don't like it because you flirt with her all the fucking time when you're with her and you have all you're attention on her and you turn your back to me and probably wouldn't even notice if i passed out on the floor. i know that in a second if she wanted you you would go for her and leave me behind. hell no. i'm not your best friend. i'm not the one you talk to whenever your down. i'm not always here for you. and you think i'm competing?? no that's just annoyance. i just try to ignore you when you're with her because you seem so much happier when you're with her. maybe you're just getting sick of me. that's understandable. i don't think i'm worth any of your time but it's a big dissapointment when i'm only a fucking hishchool relationship and you tell me all the time how you would have died by now if it weren't for me. fuck that. it doesn't even matter what i feel now because all that has ever mattered was you. whenever want to talk and you don't you never talk. but when you want to talk and i don't really have the patience to listen to your shit i sit there and deal with it. highschool relationship implies short term. i don't think of us as anything but long term and spending the rest of my life with you. however long that is because you're always saying you're gonna die soon. whatever you're just using that for people to pity you. i try so hard to have the patience. tonight i wanted to talk to you about that but you don't even fucking listen when i want to talk. you think of her as being your best friend when you don't even really hang out with her. but i guess you don't hang out with me. that's ok though because you know what? that's bullshit.. i don't even care what you say i see it when you're with her that you care for her more than me. you don't get excited when you see me. you don't get this huge grin on your face. you more seem annoyed. can't live without me eh? she has a boyfriend i know. and she thinks i compete too. well you doesn't see what i see when you are with her. it's like i'm gone from your mind in a second. anytime you even have the chance to hang out with her it's her before me. you could invite me along. you always say how highschool relationships don't last. well this one fucking would. i don't even fucking matter anymore. i make myself sick. i'm going to throw up. you don't understand how deep my love runs for you. how much have i put up with just to stay with you? to be happy with you and to stay in your arms. you fucking cheated on me and i gave you a second chance but that's not enough you still have to push your limits. you told me once that you were done with all the other girl friends that you had and they don't matter only i do. but you know what? i don't even care about that i just want some security in knowing that i'm more important than them. it doesn't fucking SHOW when you're with her. last time we were together with ashley at the punk show you didn't even barely talk to me. i asked you if you wanted to come sit down with me and you said no i'll stay and stand up with ashley. i know it's just plain jealousy. but what you said tonight hurt me deep and i don't know what to think of it. i don't think you realize that what you said means so much to me. ashley is such a bitch. you always tell me how i'm materialistic....look at her! stereotypical cheerleader. you probably don't know this but i get really offended when you turn your back to me and push me out. put me in front of you, not behind you. literally and figuratively. i don't know how tomorrow is going to go. all i know is i am really fucking pissed that i am just a highschool relationship and thats all. whatever. i don't need that especially from the person i love most. i need you so much because i love you. you think i can't love you more than this but it isn't real love? i know that's what you meant. thats bullshit. i don't know what to think anymore. all i need to do is throw up and go to bed. i'm sick of giving. all you do is take from me. you don't give anything back. i'm sick of you being not sure about me. i'm sick and tired.whatever. i'm done. i'm out. 020618 ... kerry in this room i stay up late writing pages of nothing. just to fill up time, sleepless minutes. i wonder about the weather tomorrow, the schoolyear to come, will i get new shoes and a boyfriend and a chance to be completely happy? [about who i am, MYSELF.] not that i cannot create this on my own but still. nobody hears me scream in here. no one hears these guitars. nobody wants to know. in this room i pour out tears to the wall and once on the phone, but it was purely accidental and purely mortifying. and in this room i am so free. standing by a mirror, eyes imploring, my figure is a fuzzy image. i cannot decide if i like myself. i cannot make this vibe *sprout* to pull people in. and make them love me. i cannot contain. or explain. 020730 ... Original sin In Elementary school I was a sweet innocent angel. We moved. I went in to highschool not knowing anyone. Scary thought. Grade 8 I started having sex. That was just the beginning. I was doing drugs and drinking on an every day basis. I skipped school to be with older boys. We would do drugs, get drunk then do drugs. I went to 5 different schools in 3 years. I have a grade 9 education. I should be in 11. I screwed up all chances of having a future for my self. Stop think. No, I can still change my life around. I just got a job. It's nothing much I know but I plan on going back to high school. 030728 ... Fire&Roses They say they're the best years of your life. Maybe they're right. Looking back they were certainly interesting. My first dance, first kiss. The football games and pixie stix. Then my second boyfriend and my friends. Meeting Timmie. The first time all of us had boyfriends at the same time. Creative writing. Going out to lunch. "She thinks my tractors sexy" My first time. Social Studies, Science. The food fight. Graduation. So many good times... alot of sad ones too. Losing your first boyfriend... Losing your best friend...Saying goodbye to Mr. V, listening to Scott sing Good Riddance. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." Goodbye Highschool 030728 ... alice i had more bad experiences during highschool than anything. call me antisocial but i disliked 95% of the people in it. there were a lot of preppies in my class who's main focus was making everyone else feel bad about themselves but thats the usual highschool shit. 041011 ... jason that cheerleader bitch was a prep 041011 ... god snortin' crank, drinkin' wine we're the class of '89 boo-yah 041011 ... god p.s. bon jovi SUCKS. ten dollars worth of hairspray does NOT make you more attractive, eunice. 041011 ... Bloocurlz Purple Rain, Raspberry Berret, Red Rain, Shout, Noone ever is to Blame, I can feel Comin' in the air tonight,Come on Eileen. Hall and Oats, The Thomson Twins, The Cure, The Eurythmics, you get the gist. Showing my age? Music is all I want to remember, well, mostly, but not Madonna, MJ or Debbie Gibson, they were as awful to me as school was at that point. 041115 ... danielle christ, im not done yet? how much longer? are we there yet? its been too long i need to get the hell out of dodge this town and these people i feel like im being smothered by cocky chuckles, old maid gossip crocheted into a report card and stuffed into the backseat of an SUV how can i not be done yet? are people like this everywhere? i seriously think im the only one suffering here i hate it here i mean, really who are these people? theyre all the same and so stupid this is taking too long the second they play that crappy neo-hippy bullshit song at my graduation ceremony im gone like a bullet one way ticket baby no looking back what friends? what house? what parents? zing im gone good riddance finally 070315 ... pete i remember highschool, but i remember the many many things since so much better. 070315 what's it to you? who go blather from