hey_birdmad unhinged i've been thinking about buying some opium. is $15/g exorbitant? do you suggest me getting any at all? (the only reason i ask is because i think we have both been through narcotics_anonymous) 011209 ... nah....! hey birdmad, why are you so awesome? 011209 ... nah....! i mean, dude, i've read your blathes, and i think you have fantastic taste....and i love your thoughts. you're one cool motherfucker. just thought i'd tell you that. 011209 ... birdmad (awake for 92 of the last 96 hrs) actually, though i've seen others do it, i've never done any 12-step (i know some who have, i thought about it, attended one meeting myself and walked away) and i disagree with it on several spiritual and philosophical grounds (namely acknowledging or surrendering to a "higher power"), the only aspect of 12 step philosophy i concur with is the notion of "one day at a time" although my take on that credo is more conducive to addiction than any so-called recovery on the notion that since the future is incertain i may as well indulge now [no disrespect to those whom it has worked for, it jus wasn't for me] i quit my habit cold turkey. three hellish days with the help of a babysitter and some stolen compazine, i fasted for two days before that to avoid the messing i knew might happen otherwise since i had babysat someone through their kick, my habit was comparatively brief (just under a year) but i had a reputation for excess and was smoking obscene amounts of junk during that time. by smoking it i was able to remain mellow and detached while performing the task that fueled my habit, beating repayment out of other deadbeat junkies and cokeheads, if had been one for needles i would have had a problem with going into a major nod at the volumes i was using someone was always behind on their payments and oddly enough, the richer they were, the harder it was to get them to pay for their shit also, i never paid cash for my drugs, it was always my pay for 'services rendered' to say nothing of the fact that opiates are more popular now than they were at the time i was using any heroin chic was another year away and decidedly downmarket for the snobs i used to run with and eventually being a bunch of suburban college kids, we lost our desire to compete with the border cowboys who took over most of the illicit substance trade. and to this day i have managed to keep the worst of it from my family (they suspected the drugs but never the crimes) and nah! thanks for the complement, i hardly feel worthy of that sort of thing though (a fact that has motivated most of the things i have ever done or felt...damned if i'll ever really figure out why though) 011210 ... nah....! well birdmad, darling, start feeling worthy, 'cause you are. i promise. 011210 ... IKC 56-80 Umm, i'm probably an ass for using this like a message board but here goes anyway If you get the chance where you are, go see the movie "24_hour_party_people" It's the story of the guy who ran Factory Records and discovered bands like the_buzzcocks and joy_division i give it the thumbs up 020815 ... IKC 56-80 well, cooler people than me seem to have done the same thing, so i feel better knowing that 020815 ... IKC 56-80 hmm... he's still not here that sucks 020825 ... silentbob i finished your tape. do i have your address already? 020825 ... kss I just fucked daxle. 030606 ... birdmad hmmm knife_twisting cute 030606 ... Piso Mojado I ran across this poem and it brought to mind your writings/what i've gotten out of your writings in this blue space. Robert Frost- "Acquainted With the Night" I have been one acquainted with the night. I have walked out in rain—and back in rain. I have outwalked the furthest city light. I have looked down the saddest city lane. I have passed by the watchman on his beat And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain. I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet When far away an interrupted cry Came over houses from another street, But not to call me back or say good-by; And further still at an unearthly height One luminary clock against the sky Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right. I have been one acquainted with the night. 050131 ... u24 how are things? what are you? who are you? tell me a story, it if pleases you. if not, ignore me, i will not be upset. i'm in a funny mood today. 060222 ... birdmad i'm in an odd mood myself. Things? depends on which ones. Somethings are going quite well (i've lost a stone/14 lbs/ 6.?? kg since the usual holiday deluge of food has ended, and the bureaucratic body which employs me has finally stopped being a cluster of such utterly cheap bastards and given us all a modest rise in our pay) no major negatives, except what years of being a bar bouncer and now a diabetic have done to my teeth (austin powers, anyone?) the who and what of me are fluid and, right now, undefined. i am an entertainment junkie first and foremost (because CD's DVDs and videogames have proven to be more lasting in terms of their time-killer/stress relief value than the heroin ever did) on occasion i take bouncer or security gigs if i'm feeling like i'm up for a fight. In that capacity i never instigate them, but don't always diffuse them effectively when they come up. If i'm really looking for trouble, i'll find a bar and pick a fight until i either get kicked out by the bouncers or get a bit beat up by whomever i've been annoying. (when i do go to that extreme, i'm usually not trying to win) in my off time, when i'm not pissing it away in some purely time-killing exercise, i've been doing a bit of writing and just recently bought myself a stack of sketch pads, charcoal pencils and watercolors i've had a few ideas, but so far they have outstripped my talent for conveying them onto the paper as for stories, well, i've been knocking about anb idea for something that isn't nearly as criminally or pornographically inclined as my autonovel blurring_the_edges (there's just enough fiction in B_T_E that it doesn't pass as a memoir and enough truth and amalgamated lunacy from real experience that it's not a complete load of horseshit either) something along the lines of a slightly dark fairy tale. I'm still hashing that one out a bit though hope i haven't bored the everlasting piss out of anyone with all of that. 060222 ... u24 i did start reading bte, got quite far into it as i remember (t'was a while back), but for some reason i never got round to finishing it. I would say I'll start reading it again but honestly you don't want to know how many books i 'am going to' read. i also have very bad teeth. :) 060223 ... u24 i also occasionally play with writing things but... 060223 ... misstree i got a decent bit into b_t_e as well, but i have a problem where my attention span for reading things on computer screens is amazingly short... which speaks very well for it, come to think of it... but never managed to make meself a printout. hey birdmad, what kind of animals talk to you? (if any.) what do they say? 060223 ... mt hey birdmad, what's your favorite thing about this trop through life so far? 060223 ... the deeper pathologies of birdmad u24 and tree... don't worry about not finishing b_t_e... it starts losing cohesion near the "end" (and how do you conclude a story that is somewhat ongoing?.... and isn't that a hell of a question?) what animals talk to me? cats and birds and occasionally dogs especially cats, and among those cats, especially Tonya in their literal voices they are mostly asking for stuff: attention, breadcrumbs, a squeaky-ball in their hidden voices the cats whisper things i cannot make out, the birds just sing and the dogs seem to thrive on throwing out challenges and threats... especially the little yappy dogs who shake and piss alot... it's not that they're nervous, it's more that their pissed off at being so damn tiny and they're trying to compensate by being obnoxious 060224 ... the randomness of birdmad my favorite things about life so far? kittens pizza ice-cream sex the view from a hill or mountaintop on a clear, cold day cat_purring drinking just enough to catch a light buzz but not enough to be shitfaced rainy days (rare things here) snow (even rarer still) cuban jazz porn art museums strippers the sound of ravens in a forest a good brawl anything that entertains me 060224 ... no reason what sort of cuban jazz? 060224 ... un cuervo en la tierra de palomas Jesus Alemany's "!Cubanismo!" project and the various albums they've put out are some favorites Tito Puente Celia Cruz (they may not be strictly "jazz" per se and may encompass a wider variety of Cuban music than simply that which is rooted in Jazz, but nonetheless...) in more general terms i probably should have just said Cuban music because with the exception of the styles my dad liked...partly out of nostalgia and partly becuase i have gained an appreciation for some of it, i can't stand most Mexican music... and don't get me started on that atonal Reggaeton shit 060224 ... u24 nice work re: godaddy spam submittal - did you complain about all the domains they posted or just a select few? 060523 ... bird they all fall back to roughly the same site, so if i can get them to dig in and kill one head of this spamalicious hydra maybe they'll get the rest 060524 ... unhinged i saw a black cat sitting in an apartment window today and thought of you and your kitty_mayhem 081021 ... birdmad Gave one kitten to a neighbor, "Fox" the odd cinnamon-and-cream coloured tabby with the black band tips on her ears, black nose and grey-and-black striped tail. firstborn of the little beasts and biggest of the bunch. Once they get settled, new neighbors may be taking the white pair, Butterscotch and Snowflake, the two most Siamese-looking of the bunch. tag-team hellions who have shredded coupon circulars and knocked almost all 330 of my DVD's off their shelves and to the floor as well as completely dismantling a pair of Sony headphones i got for 10 bucks on clearance this leaves me with Rudie the tabby with the heavy black stripes and Pixie, silver tabby and runt of the litter I still need to find a home for Rudie, but Pixie is staying 081021 what's it to you? who go blather from