too_much kingsuperspecial this is a relative term. you might want to try and decide for yourself, but society does set guidelines. this is usually the foundations of guilt, resentment, argument, or other bad vibes. Enough always seems to feel like it is merely adequate, though. It takes crossing a line to know where it is, doesn't it. But even the most careful attempt to get exactly to the line without crossing usually goes one way or the other. Either the haunting empty feeling of not having gone quite far enough, knowing a little bit more could have been said,drank,thought,pushed,fucked or else the other, the line passing as an afterthought, hindsight blurred by pain and smoking wreckage, the free fall of disaster like a moment of peace and reflection before the inevitable impact and hens coming home to roost. then again, you could be dead tomorrow, and for some stupid ass reason, with a pack of regrets and under utilized aspirations. so, you might as well wring life out for all it's worth. what are you saving it for, really? too bad so many people are afraid to fly, afraid to let go. 010915 ... sim you don´t have to let go everything, don´t you? 010915 ... sim and you don´t even have to fly... you can take the train or just walk... or jump on one leg and then on the other singing bupap bedoopap hey babedebee take your social guidelines i am going to be free :) 010915 ... bijou three_seconds is too_much 010916 ... girl_jane I always seem to give too much of myself. No-not physically...By the time I realize I've given it and that I didn't want to give it, it's too late to take it back, and the part I've given gets broken. It takes so long for me to gather all the tiny pieces and figure out how they fit together. Then I have to find the super glue and try to make it work without getting my fingers stuck together. Most of the time I can't find all of the pieces, and so I end up with little bitty chunks missing here and there. Someday I hope to find somebody whom I can give everything to. This time not getting anything back broken-I wouldn't get anything back at all-they'd keep it, and they'd help fill in all the missing pieces with new plaster. 020330 ... nothing is sacred why did she go? (ididn'tthinkihadtosaygoodbye) 020718 ... jg Too much feeling makes one go numb. If you were to stick needles in my finger tips, I wouldn't notice. 020718 ... starved never_enough 020719 ... daxle never_again indeed 020719 ... devalis I eat too_much I drink too_much I want too_much too_much and I gotta get it somewhere I mean ya never know maybe you're dreaming (Matthews, Dave) 021003 ... ~gez~ too much of a good thing can bring you down. possibly true, and if it is, i want to be bought down so hard 021004 ... User24 I think I blathe too much. I'm gonna watch the simpson and get something to eat. 030619 ... . . 040222 ... damn i care too much about you do you think it's smothering or do you just not care, again? 040630 ... ra no, i do care, i'll stop messing things up 040630 ... puredream not enough! 040630 ... pSyche way too much that I want to change. I wanna go back and spend more time with you, wanna change the things I did so I could be with you, wanna go back and slap myself for being such a fool and wasting days ignoring you. Now that you're about to leave.... I'm not sure what I'll do without you. Sure, when we're thirty, and you're "happily" married, we probably won't care about what happened in high school. Heck, you probably won't remember me. But there is that part of me that says if I hadn't been such a fool, maybe- Maybe I'll flap my arms and fly to the moon. "It's just wishful thinking, darling. You need to grow up." Have I spent too much time in the clouds? Because for some short piece of time I felt like I could make everything right. 050501 ... In_Bloom They looked at each other's eyes, the same strange brown turning to pond water green color. A small tight smile They stretched out their arms across and not speaking, acknowledged scars and freckles. Fingers tapped the table surface As they walked the street, the same gait was noted Arms found their way around each waist The sky was clear and black but filled with lights from stars and construction From his wallet he took a one hundred dollar bill and said, "let's see if the guard will let us climb the building to reach the top of the crane. Let's jump tonight." Oh god, he was so serious. It sent everything inside, an accumulation of steps, sacrifices and hopes, a half year of re birth- sent it plummeting in her guts. She might as well have jumped from the crane that night. The feeling of knowing she'd have to let him go... Too much 081113 ... LoversLament Talking to a friend today, I said something. And I realized with all of my heart just how true it is... I have done too much bad to live life good. How sad that my life can be summed up in a line that sounds like it came from a country song. 130614 ... unhinged there's neuroscience now that proves it hypersensitive, depressive people fear rejection and vulnerability more than the neurologically typical i cried a lot when i was young. memories point to not having the vocabulary to express my feelings. my dad yelled a lot many times saying something like 'quit crying. there's nothing to cry about.' now i just hide freeze avoid the idea of telling you how you make me feel when you don't even bother to respond to innocuous messages paralyzes me. just the idea. so i stay quiet like i learned to do when i was young 200923 ... epitome of incomprehensibility It's not the thing to complain about in the midst of a pandemic. But. I have too much to do and I'm afraid I won't be able to do it all to my satisfaction. (I was going to put people first on this list but I realized the pun in time. Only one person I'd "do" in that sense. So now there are no people, only things.) -the novel -admin work -tutoring -class 1: historical linguistics -class 2: intro to German -advertising volunteer position for artisans club but for people, I can say -the relationships themselves (and I just don't mean the romantic one) How do you "do" a relationship? But the worry is I'll neglect people or be snappy trying to get too many things done. It's where I wish wish wish I had decent time management skills. 200926 ... e_o_i unhinged, do you mind me asking where you read "there's neuroscience now that proves it hypersensitive, depressive people fear rejection and vulnerability more than the neurologically typical" Thanks! me = not exactly depressive but ADHD/anxious + oversensitive_and_prone_to_puns 200926 ... e_o_i and I fear rejection way too much 200926 ... unhinged i need to research the book title(s) of the neuroscience eoi. there are two potential books i may have gleaned that info from. if i remember correctly, the areas of the brain associated with shame/blame are more activated in brain scans of depressive people when scientists simulate rejection. don't remember the exact perimeters of the experiment though. from other research i have read there are interesting correlates/overlaps in some brain systems between depression and anxiety too. i suffer from both so my autodidact tendencies are especially curious about how science views the interaction of the two. i have spent the past two decades suffering from and trying to balance both. as far as trying to 'do' relationships in general during this pandemic i have found being direct about my feelings and needs without blaming has been the best approach especially in my more professional/working relationships. people seem to be more open to vulnerability and accomodating to the overwhelm of others these days even in avenues like work where we generally find it improper to be open and honest about our mental health and feelings. at least i used to feel that way. 200927 ... unhinged your rainforest_mind : a guide to the well_being of gifted adults and youth by paula prober and maybe the upward spiral: using neuroscience to reverse the course of depression by alex korb (i say maybe because my photographic_memory is rejecting the cover of this book but it is the only book that comes up when i search the library catalogue for 'neuroscience depression' and i know both were in the title. ugh, my stoner brain strikes again) 200927 what's it to you? who go blather from