the_old_blue Doar Talked about it two days ago to a friend, a friend that doesn't really listen to what is said in a conversation. Spoke about the people (not naming names) but rather the personalities that populate this space. I spoke about the attraction of this space, this blather, that keeps certain blatherers, blatherites, or blatherians coming back to this space. She had an interesting comment about us. It was, "People need people, it may be a fearful need, the way we communicate, but in the end we need, desire, wish to talk with each other. We need a give and take with another soul. Somehow it does continue our soul and their own soul. We expand when we talk or communicate, we reach beyond the current understanding of "I" and begin to realize "US". I had to say wow and if you weren't married, your metaphysical self would be welded with me. but then again the "old blue" is still here. :) 101015 ... re_alisma Doar, I fear that I write here for more unholy reasons than you describe. I write here for writing, for "finding a voice." I've always been a shy person, not knowing how to contribute to conversation. And I think I took this blather-opportunity to try to develop a personality that has something to say. In the real world, I've always felt guilty about not really coming up with anything to contribute. and blather hasn't actually improved my conversational ability, it just turns out i write better than i speak... Well, maybe it's not too different from what you said. But I think, right or wrong, I view this as a stepping stone. Which, is probably not okay with others, if the true goal of blather is to share and find common ground. what do you think, sharing or contributing to society, even a very limited one? verily, (i said verily!), there might be even more reasons to write at blather.... And Doar, your conversation is always welcome. 101016 ... () (i write here for different reasons on different days. i'd like to say that most of the time my impetus isto make something beautiful, but that is not always true. sometimes i am motivated by a more intellectual goa, like debate or postulation. sometimes i am just experimenting. and sometimes, like now, i am meerly communicating.) 101016 ... meta meta 101016 ... Doar ok...let me restate some key points of the conversation here.... unholy...conversational...soul....right or wrong...hmmm i guess i'm looking for a girl...a girl/woman who has inteligence....enough self that she doesn't fear interaction. and that is what it is, a sharing, a reposed thought and lips. do you think, do you share, do you live? or are you a dying figure? a cast off of societies thoughts. i am a pewter forged figure, staring at my sword pointed towards the night. . 101016 ... Doar re_alisma, don't ever fear at your own voice, it should bound against anything you should have a wall against. it will sing and rejoice within you, i know it will. take your voice and place it upon your chest, voice it, scream it, know it! this is you, whether the sounds are a part of the hurt or shyness, whether you need to sound out and be heard. what i wrote is true, each soul needs/requires a wall to talk to/ to paint your own message on. Talk on. . 101016 ... Doar and hey 'z'..... i know why and what.... and you are always welcome here. . 101016 ... re_alisma Doar, Doubtful, then, that you would find in me what you are looking for! I am definitely quiet. And it's mostly because I draw lots of big b_l_a_n_k_s when in a social situation. My brain seems to turn right off. Sometimes when I'm with people with tremendous verbal abilities I will start to feel about six years old, and that sends me further_down_the_spiral. but i'm getting over that by instead spending long periods in solitude thinking of something to say. Kind of twisted, but true. And I might come up with some pretty twisted logic, sometimes, but I am not a bullshitter. oh, certainly, I am at death's door, and I wouldn't have it any other way! It keeps me much more honest: I am either attending to my birth or my death, the rest feels like a lot of emptiness. This is somewhat Buddhist, I think, but I am sincerely trying not to be. By very sincerely playing the lottery. The problem is: if I get a full-time job there's a pretty good chance I'll just go nuts in it, and then I will have tried again and failed again. so i play it empty. and i play the lottery. and i think about what i'll do in my next life, which i guess is a form of revenge. that might be off-putting to others, but they can go jump in a lake. but if you give me a lot of time to think and then get back to me with that, i'm probably a suitable companion, it's just that i will be working with "stores" and not spontaneity, which is what some -particularly you, Doar!- seem to prefer. anyway, i ramble. it's okay for you to have love_theories. many people do. where *is* that precious?!? 101016 ... Doar Hmmm....i don't think you do understand me, you have read me, true, and you know of my past and the pain, and i have read you and your past, what you have allowed me to read of you. a lottery is a small chance, but since we are playing this small game, it doesn't seem that small, does it? or does it seem that once a focus is within us that our perspective changes, that it might be a mote of dust once, that we might have not noticed, but now that our vision is now upon that mote, it is larger than our the sweep of our vision. am i a 'wall' that you are talking to? your brain doesn't seem to me to be turned off or twisted, as you would claim. a very intelligence is coming from your pores, and while you claim to have lost or discarded an intelligence, i cannot believe this re_alisma. listen, please, i do not want to send you down. i have only compassion left in me, and tears. while these emotions play, i do smile frequently at the small pleasures in life. kittens are a particular weakness, a child's laughter, old love, waking to find a pleasant rememberance. but why do you say you are at death's door, i haven't invited anyone in, in so long and i haven't heard your knock? and you make assumptions about spontaneity, particularly my own. yes spontaneity is welcome, but more importantly is a smile, a touch, a kiss, a comfort. This is what I have, and what I am. . 101016 ... Doar and "WHO" says you wouldn't be the one I'm looking for? this is a larger part of "WHO" says that I am not looking for you. . 101016 ... re_alisma sorry, Doar. i might have got you wrong. i see you occasionally write about how you want real contact with real people on this here internet site, and it really kills me every time. because that's not what's forthcoming here.... i actually believe it's quite literary although that's always been bone to contend with. but maybe your brave opining is a literary contribution, as well, and I have misread you. if i haven't misread you, i guess i feel you ought lower your expectations for this website. it's really a cyberspace thing. you're killing me with the request for smile, kiss, comfort. this could go on for years. i also read you and recognize that i am exactly the kind of person who would clash with you in real life. but i do care that your life turns out the way you'd want it to. i didn't say i was not intelligent. i just had to clarify my process a little, and that's really the only part of my personality that matters more than a hill of beans, in the long run. (that's an analysis that i've already done and there's no need to question it.) it's just that i can pass myself off as more intelligent than i am because of my copious free/alone time. i'm not being sarcastic. this position that i'm in makes me seem pretty intelligent, but in reality? ha! the joke's on you! this website is not endless. dreamhost could pull it at any time. if they weren't such good samaritans i think it would already be gone. i am having a conversation with you, or i'm trying to. actually this is quite helpful to me, to be talking to someone out in the world that hasn't known me since birth. fake internety chat-literary talk that it is... it's still good to have a conversation. so, again, Doar I'm sorry if I have read you wrong (literally) (but i still think you like the spontaneous and you like a party. nothing wrong with that!! :) (best i can do)). 101016 ... re_alisma although people from this site do meet. i forget about that. i used to meet them, too, but i stopped, for whatever reason. probably ran out of health and freedom and fantasy power or whatever it was. 101016 ... doar well then, can we agree to disagree? a common green that we can meet and view each other, shake hands and discuss our own viewpoints? if I have hung an necklace in an old tree, i didn't mean to warn you off. hmmmm... . hmmm... if you would converse, as you have, chat me up and i would be happy to travel with you, and respect you. sdnukemall@gmail.com . 101016 ... Doar you pull and withdraw, unrightfully so. you are right re, i have wanted, needed a touch upon me, a femme fatale kiss. i have dreamed and nightmared about a waking stillness kiss. why does it kill you, to read my responses, on this impersonal site? i never had any expectations for the blue......oh shite i lie. i do want a response from those who i respect and who have responded. why would you clash with me? i do not believe i would clash with anyone anymore, but maybe i could make an exception.....:) and to give you another thought RE, no....once i liked to party and thrice (yes, i said it, thrice) it did define me. these are words, and whether you chose to believe them or not, the party has ended and I'm cleaning the toilet now. . 101016 ... re_alisma i think you are misreading me now, but i will email you tomorrow. 101016 ... Doar then me, misinterpration man, will be looking for your email. . 101016 ... Doar then me, misinterpration man, will be looking for your email. . 101016 ... Doar although, there are clouds in the sky, if you smile, through you tears and sorrow, you'll see a sun shining through, to light up your face in gladness, another tear wouldn't do. that's the time you should keep on trying, you'll find that life is still a smile. ., 101016 ... Doar ahhh...you gave up. I really hoped you wouldn't. . 110428 what's it to you? who go blather from