one_of_those_days Aimee I'm having another one of those days. I spent the day in my room. Closed the shades. Closed my door. Lit my candles. Turned on my Brahms. Sat down on my bed. And cried my eyes out. I cried until it hurt. I kept crying too. Why? Because I'm alone. Because I don't matter. I took out my knife. I actually cut myself A little one on my leg. Enough to bleed. Enough to make me realize. Holy shit! I felt something. Maybe next time I'll cut deeper. Maybe next time. I'm having another one of those days. I called up someone, and of course he had nothing to say I hid in my attic for over two hours, until I decided if no one would talk to me I would talk to no one. So now, I'm talking to no one, and maybe someone will hear. But no. not even you can hear these whispers. I'll hide them from you, and when it's over, I won't leave you with a stupid explaination. I'll just leave. It'll just be one of those days. 010723 ... DannyH Wake up after a bad nights sleep with my ears still ringing. Spend whole morning at work not working. Find an internet site called Blather which could justify the existence of the internet on its own. Each page is simply a word heading which you can contribute an entry to, read other people's entries or make a new one on an unused word. All words in all entries are hyperlinked to their page, if they have one. It has a beautiful labyrinthine logic and there's some good poetry on there. No adverts, no links to anywhere else. Perfect. At home there is a letter from a solicitors informing us that they are sueing for repossession of our flat from the landlord - looks like we might be moving. Fall asleep on the chair and do some thinking, then some juggling. Phone is not working again. Phone for engineer again. Diary entry for March 20th 2001 010805 ... Casey Where I just sit on my bed and hide under the covers. My incense stick has burnt out. My black light has become unpluged, I wish someone would talk to me or call. Yet in the same time I just want to be alone to wallow in my pitty 010805 ... unhinged i was supposed to be with her but she decided to do something else. i woke up with a pretty bad hangover from the three bowls and the labatt's and the boon's farm. i slept until about 4. and then we had steak for dinner. it's never a good day when we have steak for dinner. my dad is kicking my ass at cribbage. he's up 6 games to 4. i even ran two miles today. jesus christ i never run. something has to be wrong. and then i get the worst news of it all today. they aren't going on til 11pm. which means they probably won't go on til 11:30. which means i won't get home in time for my curfew. i need to hear my boys. damnit. as if this week couldn't get any worse. 010805 ... sylphide but am i missing something? How can I be so totally, blissfully unaware? This is giving me a headache and that song didn't make it any better. *lights cigarette* 031119 ... girl_jane Fuck...I'm out of cigarettes... 031120 ... anne-girl censoring everything I write, because otherwise it'll sound like every single other depressed blathe out there and that's just damn depressing (sigh) 040907 ... minnesota_chris can you write it differently, in a mind blowing fashion? We blatherskites will worship you if you can... 040908 ... suicidalchinadoll where the cbc radio in the morning made me want to cry...a fleece blanket was the only source of warmth for miles, and I stood dressing for an hour so I wouldn't have to leave it. where every place I go people look at me accusingly, or don't look at all one of those days where I would have given anything to go back to sleep, and never wake up again I rebuilt without you a week ago and then ran to you when you looked my way again and then..not four days later.. fuck it your place will never be filled. I can live with that. and you're proving to me that you have an infinitely easier time of forgetting things than you have claimed in the past. is shutting up now 040908 ... falling_alone it was one of the days where i hated everyone i saw and wanted to come back here, where i feel welcome. 040909 ... pete woke up, 6am, unable to sleep, looked out the window, at a deep purple sky, within an hour minutes, well, we got the ass end of a hurricane, dozed, or tried to, until 8.29, got up and turned off the alarm, showered, still pouring, dried, ate a piece of toast, biked to school, still pouring, what a way to start second year, my profs are amazing, the course is awesome, my roomates entire family is here, id wish they'd all leave, but he has his court date tomorrow, so they are here for support, damn it, i say, damn it, let me be, what happened to pete and bunny, what happened to the silence, what happened to the calm undertones? i guess it's just one of those days.. 040909 ... cheerleaderslut I wish I was back in school the real world sucks ass even when you have a decently paying job, and minimal living expenses.. I want to have something to think about that I cannot stumble across myself in my own small circle of existence..stimulus!! put me in a goddamn hamster cage because the wheel is looking mighty tempting... 040909 ... pussy crap. i mean it's like everything is crap. you wake up late, too late to be there on time unless you ride your bike as you usually do, but your bike in the shop because your brother broke it. you take public transit but you take the wrong streetcar, fuck! you take the wrong streetcar because you're late and you don't read things properly. you take the wrong streetcar too because you are tired, because you didn't sleep well last night even though you passed out on your bed, with your clothes on and the light on and the fucking music on. you woke up late because your alarm didn't go off because you're cellphone was not charged because you forgot to set it to charge but fucken passed out with clothes on with the light on the music on you fucked up fuck. when you get there you realize that you are hungy, you're starving and you got no food and no time to get food because as soon as you walk in you are flooded with work, work that should have been done yesterday, work you tried to do yesterday but were not able to complete because you were flooded with work yesterday. you are hungry and pissed and when you finally get the chance to walk over to the kitchen and get a coffee, there is no coffee. there are no pouches to make new coffee either. you feel like crying but you don't because don't cry you fucking pussy. 080605 ... tourist No Time For Work, Time Enough For Blather. Sounds Like Me. 080605 ... Lemon_Soda Priorities, I guess. Its the one vent alot of us have. I think most blatherers suffer from a serious lack of discipline(including me). 080605 ... someone you know REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET the night before and all day it's all you can think about. 080605 ... DIEEEEEEE whoever keeps ruining the pages and posting asdfuilnh needs to shut the fuck up! 081023 ... LEMON SODA RESPONDING CHECK 081110 what's it to you? who go blather from